Weird Lines...

Zen · 09-28-2013, 03:10 AM

I'm piecing the fragments of dropped weed in the mattress
To fire up and release me from madness til I'm knee deep in ashes
And then I breathe what I see til I believe that it's magic...
...My disease is tragic...
I'm at peace in a casket seeing deep into the fabric
Of beliefs and tactics til I gain expertise on these matters...
...isn't this dream just a pattern being schemed with disasters?...
Possibly. It probably seems like I'm scattered.
I am.
I'm diseased, a master, who preaches to pastors til they see that they're bastards!!!...
...There we go again. That's why I'm scared to hold a pen
Because with each air I'm holding in I'm trying not to tear these phonies in...
Who cares? It's over Zen. Grab yourself a chair and fold it in
And don't be scared. You're prepared for this moment man.
...It's official, I'm fucked.
Equipped with a pistol and gloves stashed in my rental tux.
A mental klutz sent here to riddle a little too much...
....This shit ain't beta tested.
I'm tryna convey a message could you bitches please just wait a second!?
As I was sayin, here's my lesson funded with the tax payers blessing
So as I'm spraying my dressing remember to let everyone share in their investment.
Are you still here? Why?
This has all just been weird...lines.

Mr. J · 09-28-2013, 03:15 AM

Quite interesting the flow of multis is nice
due to the reading I did in the AOWL chat
this is brought out from your trip? good work honestly
the flow of this is on point and it resonates well with your vibe
Overall I enjoyed this for the randomness it was at thee time I'm in

Zen · 10-25-2013, 09:58 PM

Feed? Maybe?

PancakeBrah · 10-26-2013, 12:51 AM

im going to write something tomorrow with the title 'Desire Lines.'

Split · 10-26-2013, 02:53 AM

i dont like how you just rhyme in a row

e11even · 10-26-2013, 03:27 AM

This had a crisp consistency and was sorta like a trailing train of thought. I feel like you wrote this with no breaks, letting your thought process take you for a logically spoken ride, but with an illogical execution. This wasn't planned, it just was. I get that feeling a lot from how you write. You don't over think your direction. You just let it flow. Pretty tight piece for it not to be focused. Good shit.

All you need to do now is make it a memorable ramble. Write it train-of-thought first, then add in the more concentrated 'grabbing' elements later. I think you have a lot of untapped ill in you. Its obvious you take text lightly.

Zen · 10-26-2013, 11:04 AM

I'm eagerly awaiting Desire Lines cake.

Split I hate when you use words idk. Dumb your pieces down for me.

Appreciate the feed vivid.

Split · 10-26-2013, 11:18 AM

Zen. we must collab this argument out. two verses of 8 limes apiece? pick an old AOWL topic you think you can wrote to?

Zen · 10-26-2013, 11:27 AM

Lol pm with a topic. I'm way too lazy to look for one.

Edit: I went looking for the collab you told me to drop feed on and I couldn't find it anywhere.

King Ra. · 10-26-2013, 12:29 PM

The Zenmaster is beginning to break out of that shell. This was dope for some random shit. There were two lines that threw off the flow because of too much wording & you kind of trailed off in the end with it as well, but I enjoyed the content very much. The opening line to the pastor/bastard part really jumped this off. You're starting to excel which is also showing in your AOWL pieces, too. Props, homie.

Split · 10-26-2013, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenland

Lol pm with a topic. I'm way too lazy to look for one.

Edit: I went looking for the collab you told me to drop feed on and I couldn't find it anywhere.

lol no one can ever find it

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=21513

got you with a pm later, chief

09-28-2013, 03:10 AM	#1
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Weird Lines... I'm piecing the fragments of dropped weed in the mattress To fire up and release me from madness til I'm knee deep in ashes And then I breathe what I see til I believe that it's magic... ...My disease is tragic... I'm at peace in a casket seeing deep into the fabric Of beliefs and tactics til I gain expertise on these matters... ...isn't this dream just a pattern being schemed with disasters?... Possibly. It probably seems like I'm scattered. I am. I'm diseased, a master, who preaches to pastors til they see that they're bastards!!!... ...There we go again. That's why I'm scared to hold a pen Because with each air I'm holding in I'm trying not to tear these phonies in... Who cares? It's over Zen. Grab yourself a chair and fold it in And don't be scared. You're prepared for this moment man. ...It's official, I'm fucked. Equipped with a pistol and gloves stashed in my rental tux. A mental klutz sent here to riddle a little too much... ....This shit ain't beta tested. I'm tryna convey a message could you bitches please just wait a second!? As I was sayin, here's my lesson funded with the tax payers blessing So as I'm spraying my dressing remember to let everyone share in their investment. Are you still here? Why? This has all just been weird...lines.

09-28-2013, 03:15 AM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Quite interesting the flow of multis is nice due to the reading I did in the AOWL chat this is brought out from your trip? good work honestly the flow of this is on point and it resonates well with your vibe Overall I enjoyed this for the randomness it was at thee time I'm in __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

10-26-2013, 12:51 AM	#4
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	im going to write something tomorrow with the title 'Desire Lines.' __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

10-26-2013, 02:53 AM	#5
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	i dont like how you just rhyme in a row __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com

10-26-2013, 03:27 AM	#6
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	This had a crisp consistency and was sorta like a trailing train of thought. I feel like you wrote this with no breaks, letting your thought process take you for a logically spoken ride, but with an illogical execution. This wasn't planned, it just was. I get that feeling a lot from how you write. You don't over think your direction. You just let it flow. Pretty tight piece for it not to be focused. Good shit. All you need to do now is make it a memorable ramble. Write it train-of-thought first, then add in the more concentrated 'grabbing' elements later. I think you have a lot of untapped ill in you. Its obvious you take text lightly. __________________ Ahem. Last edited by e11even; 10-26-2013 at 03:30 AM.

10-25-2013, 09:58 PM	#3
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Feed? Maybe?

10-26-2013, 11:04 AM	#7
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	I'm eagerly awaiting Desire Lines cake. Split I hate when you use words idk. Dumb your pieces down for me. Appreciate the feed vivid.

10-26-2013, 11:18 AM	#8
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	Zen. we must collab this argument out. two verses of 8 limes apiece? pick an old AOWL topic you think you can wrote to? __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com

10-26-2013, 11:27 AM	#9
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Lol pm with a topic. I'm way too lazy to look for one. Edit: I went looking for the collab you told me to drop feed on and I couldn't find it anywhere.

10-26-2013, 12:29 PM	#10
King Ra. The Throne, The Crown Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,667 Battle Record: 21-35 Rep Power: 1932963	The Zenmaster is beginning to break out of that shell. This was dope for some random shit. There were two lines that threw off the flow because of too much wording & you kind of trailed off in the end with it as well, but I enjoyed the content very much. The opening line to the pastor/bastard part really jumped this off. You're starting to excel which is also showing in your AOWL pieces, too. Props, homie.