Week 6 Mag

[Sharp]

[Intro]

Yo, Sharp back at it on another Tuesday with FGR to recap last week and look to the rest of this week with music selections by @Ryno. We had some dope battles, culminating in Blue Bayou winning the inaugural champ match. Anyway..





[Reviews]
[Sharp]


Champ Match: Hush 4-0 vs Blue Bayou 4-0
Blue Wins 5-3

This was a dope first match to crown our first champ, the champ slot eviscerator, Blue Bayou. The split decision here is well earned. These two verses really had something for everyone and voters were rightfully split. Both verses were consistent, mean, clever… basically, exactly what you’d expect from HOF’ers. Hush had some really dope lines about Blue’s golf gang, with cancer stages being one of my favorites. Blue was funny as fuck. After hearing Hush claim to be the best non-white cornholer, I really fucked with that cornhole bar. That’s a battle that needs a second read to make a decision and a third read for your enjoyment. It set a high bar for future champ matches and hopefully we can meet it. Dope battle.


Contender Match: Zuch 3-1 vs FGR 3-1
Zuch Wins 5-1

This was a dope one. Both of these guys came with solid 16 lines, but FGR’s undoing was consistency. It seemed like he had to add a few lines in unexpectedly or something because I was surprised to see 6 lines about the phone in a 15 year old pic. It’s one thing to ride a physical feature (fat, big nose, etc) for half or even a whole verse, but when nearly half of your verse is about the guy’s phone, you’re in trouble. Zuch had clever and outright funny lines like his Butterbean concept, which was my chortle of the week. FGR was solid for most of his verse, featuring some good observations. I think what gave Zuch the edge was being personal. He came right at FGR’s face and person while FGR was split between doing that and referencing things in the pic. Zuch won in a dope contender match and both move on to face HOF battlers.


Wanderer 2-2 vs Bomb Bard 2-2
Bomb Bard Wins 5-1

Spree’s last minute drops are getting better each week. He came with some really funny roasts of the other person in Wanderer’s pic that really carried his verse imo. Wanderer wasn’t bad, but wasn’t the same caliber that he brought last week. His bars about Spree himself (the opener and one about his forehead pimple) were both solid concepts but just a biiit off in execution. His Eton mess bar was ballsy, considering it’s a pretty English reference. Spree might have been a little too simple with flips but he had his execution down. I get people will take a fresh concept over a well worded but played bar, but in a pic battle, if it applies, odds are we’re not going to say ‘played’ as often. Spree had a more consistent execution and takes the well deserved dub in a good battle.


evaD 2-0 vs Inno 1-1
evaD Wins by KO

Dave’s undefeated streak continues with a sound win over Inno. He definitely had funny observations and did enough with them to make them hit. His after work suds and DUI bars were pretty damn funny. One possible problem I can see in Dave’s future is punches landing hard enough - I know he’s got funny lines I don’t know if it’s quite enough to hang with the league’s best, but he’s 3-0 so clearly he’s doing plenty right. Inno was pretty hit or miss, with his two weak points being some basic concepts that he doesn’t do anything fresh with (water/wet) and pic specific jokes that he needed to do more with (mustache hairs). Against a pretty consistent verse from Dave, Inno didn’t have enough.


Mac 1-3 vs Sharp 0-0
Sharp Wins by KO

Mac’s verse didn’t get a whole lot of love, but those concepts show a lot of promise. His TI-82 joke was funny as fuck and his wet noodle bar was solid, but both cases, in my opinion, he needed to get meaner and more direct. His setups seem to be going for a little too much and don’t always relate to the punches - felt like a lot of the time, the setups only existed to rhyme with the punch. If he cleaned that up, it would go a long way for him. The guy’s got concepts for sure. I was fucking dope and my whole verse was fire though. They’re still pressing the Dom Demarco button.

Good battle, Mac.


[Top Punches]
[FGR]

.... NO ORDER


And the shades make your look a joke. You could've chosen way better
Those aviators had such a tragic result they could be headed for the World Trade Center
SHARP VS MAC
.
.
Ur group of friends shows ur weak . Bunch of pussy geeks wit rosy cheeks
The guy u cropped out must look ridiculous if this is the 4 u chose to keep
If I punched u in the chest the body shots would feel like they melting ur ribs
Ur arms are too short to box wit god ... scratch ur back or reach the top shelf of the fridge
HUSH VS BLUE
.
.
Ur head a plant that’ll never grow! Swhy u sour ked
That body ain’t Guarding Hoes! But ur wife’s teeth could weed a flower bed
BOMB BARD VS WANDERER
.
.
He ain’t enlightened, brick and mortar like he’s making a killing
they only call this fat ass the free mason because they pay him in chili
ZUCH VS FGR
.
.
i’ve been doing coke so please excuse my absence little fool..
i’m on a Yay High, like what everyone has called ur ass since middle school
claim you’re the Cornhole champ & it’s not a troll dude..
shit, if my wife looked like that i’d throw my sack at another hole too
BLUE VS HUSH
.
.
Your crazy if u think I won't attack. FGR is causing mass disturbances
I'll charge the shit outta you.. like weed dealers wen they serve you suburban kids
FGR VS ZUCH
.
.
Drinking at the wheel? I don’t think that shit’s strategical
But you can prolly get let off the DUI as you clearly live in that vehicle
EVAD VS INNO
.
.
dude’s in love w/ur body & look how he holds u near... it’s nice
prolly dancing to the shape of u while urs looks like u ate Ed Sheeran...twice
I know u love your boy, but it’s time for u to let go
Well, maybe....I can’t tell if he’s holding ur hand or a bread roll
DESTROYER VS USER






[Cypher Review]
[Sharp]


Vulgar

You're hardly flattering, stop saying crazy things because you plainly stink
How do you look like Will Farrell in Elf but you dress like a baby Grinch?
You took show business by storm, u wore anal Rings, danced with mages
and your stage nickname was "Too Hot for Rivendell" Legolas Vegas
so quit talking boy you ain't hard
After I saw this pic I keep thinking, "When Jude Law walked into a gay bar..."


Resin M-I-C

Must be alll rainbows in the great ‘Bay..
if Lil Wayne copped that Lean he’d spit out his drankk & claim that it taste gay.
I can tell for you Incest is a calamity..
Your dad is Archie Bunker & it looks like procreation was All in the Family.
I’M the GOAT, faggot. And I won’t pass the buck..
Fuck ya style. I’d Go Green too if I endured all those yrs UPN gassed u up.
Watch his white trash laughs turn into tears
You have a Town and Country look Chrysler vans have sought after for years.
You a feminine boy. I should start smackin this lame..
Hows it feel to do the FaceApp gender change & have it look EXACTLY the same.


Wanderer

Look like u could be famous? fact is I’m not yet so keen
U got a touch of Slim Shady about u.. cos that’s the thinnest shadow I’ve ever seen
But yo reconstructive surgery & ur potential surely shows
Cos that’s a Sharp Tip right there & it’s still got nothing on ur nose
This fool must be kiddin me. That face helps us determine ur wack
Pistol to ur kidney.. be a different scene when ur sideburn from the cap


Zuch

Aloe is from the bay, this cat will floss with shallow means
He looks like G-Eazy, if he went as Asher Roth for Halloween
You don’t dress tight, my guy those eyebrows just don’t mesh right
Them caterpillars are about to FUCK, and that ear looks like a pre-owned Fleshlight
If you want a pic dissed you know I’m the best to call
Those lips can only be described to sketch artists by victims of sex assault


Allen Knight

Faggot can eat shit, thinks he a legend w/ his weak spits
U aint just a cancer to txt u look like a lesbian half way thru chemotherapy treatment
Always strapped & u wont see a burner on this fags body
I Carey a 9 u just look like The Mask got antiqued passed out at a frat party
Pussy ur powder white w/ no style, my steez been a weapon
Hollow Man doesn't just describe ur personality its also ur skin complexion


Destroyer

u should know better than to ever do a door pose
u look like Voldemort if the spell had fucked up and given him MORE nose
be honest pussy. It’s clear that hat size is little kids...
& I don’t know if I want to bandage that ear or try & find the clitoris
Ur like Frankennerd’s monster. never seen the likes of this dork
It’s weird u rep the town when they all standing outside w/torches and pitchforks
u famous queer? Listen, while u strain to hear...
How both t-shirts crisp as fuck but u still ended up w/ bacon ear???



This roast was fucking fire. I was honestly surprised that I liked every post, which is a rare feeling for me. I have to give it to Destroyer with Resin as a close second. The bar about the town made me laugh out loud. He'll get an accomp when I update records tomorrow. Dope showings from all.

Don’t like my results? Judge the next cypher. Just shoot me a PM with a pic you’d want to roast and I’ll give you the time frames for everything.


[Previews]
[Sharp]


Champ Match: Blue Bayou 5-0 vs Zuch 4-1

This has the makings of a dope battle. Blue has the last ongoing perfect season for good reason. He’s already ended Resin and Hush’s streaks in hotly contested battles. Zuch’s one loss on the season is to Resin, and you can’t really hold losing to one of text’s finest against him. These two have pretty unique styles that may split voters, where Blue may emphasize wordplay (yes I’m calling things like your cornhole line wordplay Blue) while Zuch emphasizes on humor, almost hyperbolic humor at times. Both of them have shown they can win on consistency alone - some voters felt literally all of Zuch’s verse last week, while Blue Bayou and consistency go together like mags and Tuesday nights. I think if Blue can continue to be personal and clever he may just have the most voter-friendly style, but Zuch leaning on humor has paid off pretty well in pic battles. If consistency isn’t the deciding factor here, I’d expect the line of the battle to do it. This is where I really just have to look at the possibilities and shrug. Blue can make a mean personal out of any prop but Zuch can make you laugh out loud with a roast of someone’s face. I’m sure whoever wins will do it with what’s going to have to be bar of the week, if not season.


Contender Match: evaD 3-0 vs Bomb Bard 3-2

Contender Match number two features two guys with strong seasons. Dave’s obviously undefeated and Spree’s only losses come from the two guys in the champ match. Spree’s verse came towards the last minute last week but it still looked pretty damn good. He’s been using his own style pretty well this season - funny concepts, concise wording, and getting just the right amount of gritty. Dave’s turned heads over the last two weeks especially, with funny, memorable concepts that come from clever takes on pics. His ‘cut through the BS’ bar against Adverse is a great example of how he can bring a fresh, creative perspective to his opponent’s pic that makes you go ‘shit, how did I not notice/think of that?’. I respect the hell out of both of their styles, but it’s going to come down to consistency and Spree’s habit of posting late doesn’t bode well for him there. It’s a coin flip for me, but if Spree puts it off til the last minute Dave has the edge.

evaD: 55/45


Hush 4-1 vs FGR 3-2

Two weeks in a row we have FGR starting shit with pics… interesting. Hush got passive aggressive already, but I’m curious to see if he gets aggressive-aggressive with his verse. FGR has shown heavy hits can be his strong suit but his contender match loss came by being outdone in consistency. Hush can pick apart someone for 20 lines when he’s motivated, and based on the last 5 weeks, I’d say he’s pretty fucking motivated. Combined with a pic that’s a direct insult, I’d say FGR is in for a tough week. He’ll need to bring fresher concepts than usual because Hush has been around and battled damn near everyone to ever text. These two are a great matchup in a lot of ways, but what I’m most interested in has to be them getting gritty. Last week they both got props for clever and violent concepts - Hush’s ‘shared caps’ and FGR’s ‘charge the shit out of you’ - so if one person does it better, that becomes a huge advantage. If one of them starts thinking strategically, they may try to really outbar the other with those angles. Either way, I have to bet on HOF but FGR winning wouldn’t be a huge upset.

Hush: 65/35


Destroyer 3-2 vs Adverse 2-3

These two both got no-showed last week. Hopefully history repeats and they both show up. The two of them are good about providing ammo, but Adverse has this holistic, topicalist approach to pic battles that, in my opinion, takes a lot from the background/setting of the picture at the expense of disses directly aimed at his opponent. Des seems to flourish when it comes to direct, evidenced by his verse against Username last week. Most of the time, the latter approach hits harder and gets more votes. Adverse is open for bald and fat lines and Des just did 16 lines calling his opponent fat. Adverse is going to need to be direct to stand a chance against Des. He’s had moments of funny observations, but a few funny moments isn’t enough to hang when Des can bring a whole verse of them.

Destroyer: 70/30


UserName 2-3 vs Wanderer 2-3

This is a sleeper pick for battle of the week. I absolutely fuck with both styles here. User can make me laugh out loud and Wanderer can get mean and creative. My only worry would be Wanderer leaning too hard on fat jokes and not coming up with anything too unique. I know, Des got props for 16 lines of fat jokes, but it was pic specific. Wanderer absolutely can do that, but he outright needs to, because User is a consistent threat. UserName is funny and I haven't seen a lot of British specific bars on Wanderer. I would love to see him explore that angle beyond 'bad teeth' but even that could be enough. My guess is User has the advantage considering his verses have been competitive with our league's best, but Wanderer has shown he can bring 16 solid bars. It's not User's battle to lose at all. If he sleeps on Wanderer, he could be facing a KO. Wanderer strikes me as a guy who's going to want to bounce back from a loss and this is the best chance to do it. Expecting a dope one, but I always base predictions on past results.

UserName: 60/40

TOP iLL DRAGSTER TWO 2-3 vs Quiz 0-0

Obvious alias vs complete unknown. Alias? Old head shaking off the rust? Guess we’ll see. I think the fun part’s going to be seeing what TOP iLL does to a whole family. Show no mercy, gawd.


Inno 1-2 vs Mac 1-4

I’m looking forward to this one. These two guys both pull really funny concepts (Mac’s wet noodle bar against me) and clever observations (Inno’s reach bar vs evaD) from pics. They both seem to struggle with wording, with both losing some really good concepts to poor execution. I’m expecting clever observations in a battle of consistency, for which I give Mac the edge. He’s had a few solid hits in each battle with plenty of ‘almost’ bars, compared to Inno’s more hit-or-miss drops. I could be wrong, of course, since these battles have enough room for humor as an X-factor to swing the voters one way or the other.

Mac: 60/40


[Outro]


You know the drill. Congrats to Blue and Des for their accomps. Shoutout to FGR for the contribution. Keep voting, I'd love week 7 to go up on a Sunday. And above all else, keep showing up dope for your battles and I'll show up for you in modding and mags. Peace

[Sharp]

@FGR edit your part in whenever you can

[evaD]

Good stuff @Sharp thanks. And TIA to FGR (as long is I make the punches chart)

[FGR]

Top punches added

[Hush]

Well done

[Bomb Bard]

Nice shit fellas

[UPN Zuch]

Great job fags

[Mac]

good stuff