Engine’s All Go

DMS · 01-30-2019, 12:57 PM

Engine’s All Go

My vessel travels at paces quicker, along the drive I peer out and engrave stipple on the pavement.
The road’s opaque, final stop’s a swan song, the lonely thief, the cause a lost cause, the little engine with hidden dark n achin’.

The pit stops dolor, the snack break is brief. The goal is the last place to be? No
The lanes thin, the lines dim, the frame gets divided, the path gets beclouded and unique.
I could allow my autopilot to come free. What grace and powerful piquè.
I allow the AC, I allow the headlights be shut off, I sit in solitude.
The voyage has become passive, and yet it feels gritty, all askew.
I have forfeited my aim for lack of bow.
I have forfeited my spray for lack of rose.
Became lame for lack of pose.
My light for seeing and songs for hearing.
Yet I stutter to switch off the device which entangles me. Why?

Another pit stop.

I stay a bit, I see the papers and sweets section, I contemplate the impeding terrain.
Grasping the distention, the distance, the journey, I see it as plain.
The work-horse lays to feed, as I sit and watch it eat. I take a seat by the pane.
I play the beats n I stay, I view the map, the devise is unlatched from the trap.
The gate swings open, and now I twist the keys.
The lanes widen, the frame brightens, the giant mystery.

Sinacog · 01-30-2019, 01:10 PM

Hello, DMS...

I suppose this was a decent little read, allow me to leave feed-back.

This was decent to a extent. I enjoyed the subtle narration you displayed with your writing skills and forte'. You instances where you hit a stride, others where you could've done a bit better in places. I enjoyed that this was a car-ride you were on. Some of these lines could be a bit better, such as 'path becoming unique' how does the path become unique. You have to show us rather than saying that. But that was okay. I know later you show us in a way, but things could be better. Some of the lines were funny, but it was decent. At the end; there's a mystery...but you don't foreshadow what the mystery was about in anyway..was the mystery the read itself..and you just lead us on to this..lol..anyways..it was decent..I understand this piece..things could be better..if you want to advance..maybe read more books..write more..lol..but this was decent..niice one..keep writing..

01-30-2019, 12:57 PM	#1
DMS DMS—Diddled My Stick Join Date: May 2018 Posts: 1,104 Rep Power: 0	Engine’s All Go Engine’s All Go My vessel travels at paces quicker, along the drive I peer out and engrave stipple on the pavement. The road’s opaque, final stop’s a swan song, the lonely thief, the cause a lost cause, the little engine with hidden dark n achin’. The pit stops dolor, the snack break is brief. The goal is the last place to be? No The lanes thin, the lines dim, the frame gets divided, the path gets beclouded and unique. I could allow my autopilot to come free. What grace and powerful piquè. I allow the AC, I allow the headlights be shut off, I sit in solitude. The voyage has become passive, and yet it feels gritty, all askew. I have forfeited my aim for lack of bow. I have forfeited my spray for lack of rose. Became lame for lack of pose. My light for seeing and songs for hearing. Yet I stutter to switch off the device which entangles me. Why? Another pit stop. I stay a bit, I see the papers and sweets section, I contemplate the impeding terrain. Grasping the distention, the distance, the journey, I see it as plain. The work-horse lays to feed, as I sit and watch it eat. I take a seat by the pane. I play the beats n I stay, I view the map, the devise is unlatched from the trap. The gate swings open, and now I twist the keys. The lanes widen, the frame brightens, the giant mystery.

01-30-2019, 01:10 PM	#2
Sinacog R.Killsbury 3000 Join Date: Dec 2018 Posts: 2,299 Battle Record: 4-25 Rep Power: 8129215	Hello, DMS... I suppose this was a decent little read, allow me to leave feed-back. This was decent to a extent. I enjoyed the subtle narration you displayed with your writing skills and forte'. You instances where you hit a stride, others where you could've done a bit better in places. I enjoyed that this was a car-ride you were on. Some of these lines could be a bit better, such as 'path becoming unique' how does the path become unique. You have to show us rather than saying that. But that was okay. I know later you show us in a way, but things could be better. Some of the lines were funny, but it was decent. At the end; there's a mystery...but you don't foreshadow what the mystery was about in anyway..was the mystery the read itself..and you just lead us on to this..lol..anyways..it was decent..I understand this piece..things could be better..if you want to advance..maybe read more books..write more..lol..but this was decent..niice one..keep writing..