05-21-2018, 10:21 PM | #1 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
cloak & dagger
you're
not what i dreamed of or hoped for, that potential was reached long before, i harbored emotions in secret sophomoric sequence, plot twist i saw all along held my breath for a year, lungs turn carbon to smog another movie screening, hold hands in between it reach maximum zenith, whisper "never leave me" under closed palms so calm. never flinch. a wink and a nod no blinking for three hours. let that sink in for awhile lovers island. skipper of ol' overly passionate fingers stranded in your hair strands, bend over and ask me a question, do i love you or not fingertips touching your every hope. every cross of fingers, wishing we would drift apart I'm driftwood and you're just another fish in the ocean lake, spring, river whatever's spend an eternity painting a picture to think us together calabaza picking. if i revisit you i get a feeling to itch uneasy. breeze hits me, the wind changes, while each season commences we get lazy. it's insane. we never connect but still swing for the fences up to my neck in words that don't even exist flood in my pharynx, like phalanxes fighting to fix squad of anxieties i refuse to acknowledge perusing the side of me i loosely demolished smokescreen dagger. condensation hazy opaque wheatgrass chronicle, diary dripping sanctity. lake bedstand. siamese twin bed, oak crickety floors the hole in the wall where my fist lived in before unroot me where i stand, dandelion seed floating amiss eve foliage, sin growing vivaciously when there's .. quantities of flowers germinating in spring blooms of orchids in rancor, tempertantrum fills in the hue rhythm and blue soapbox sorted chrysanthemums most of its cloak and dagger it's become more of a habit interval time from interacting with humans irony overlaps boredom and passion kiss away sadness. verbally vie away the synapses blood stained flesh from a rose thorn on a flower. cry self preservation to keep presence remote listen in on private conversations. fly on the wall i, carry disdain like i tattooed pride on my arm in light of today, might as well just be dark people fill rooms with nice decoration my empty spaces are filled in with looming distractions. better me, than you. interaction pencil me in for the 2 o clock in the noon i'll probably be late for that, too. terrariums. rattlesnake vein photosynthetic approach poached eggs for breakfast right on my porch tap the cigarette on the wood, ash lay on my flowers i wonder how the fuck they still grow but they do |
05-22-2018, 07:16 AM | #2 |
White Earl
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This was rwally dope to me...
so calm. never flinch. a wink and a nod no blinking for three hours. let that sink in for awhile Ill be rea reading it but nice work BB
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
05-22-2018, 08:01 AM | #3 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
As if you drop shit like this but board like a prick lol...
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05-22-2018, 02:01 PM | #4 |
rhyme capsule.
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 2,145
Rep Power: 0 |
i like bb drops, most of the time, this is one of those times.
but nah, read it thrice and it's really good - makes me want to write. quite free, your writing, but still very poised. i appreciate that. |
05-29-2018, 01:29 AM | #5 |
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 9
Rep Power: 106113 |
I’d quote this, but requoting the whole damn thing feels silly
The extended metaphor was cleanly carried until it changes, like the seasons. Off rhymes and inter playing rhyme schemes were silly good. Enjambent word choice on point. 10/10 will read several more times.
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Formerly Indangered/Dreams of Mercy on PR. Listen to my debut album “A Graveyard, A Garden” at https://introvert.bandcamp.com |
05-29-2018, 12:01 PM | #6 |
Banned
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 390
Accomplishments - Is a Faggot
Champed - WiFi Waste of Space 2018
- Throat Gymnasts 2018
- No Gag to Waste 2017
- Forever Home Alone
Rep Power: 0 |
This was the worst shit I ever saw in my whole life
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05-29-2018, 02:02 PM | #7 |
Hungry
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,419
Battle Record: 1-5
Rep Power: 16155610 |
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06-02-2018, 02:06 PM | #8 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 732
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 19584275 |
Mostly boring. Somewhat clever. Intelligent. Unauthentic. Rehashed. Very much recycled. Pretentious, per usual. But also very well written, per usual.
I don't know how you can clone another man's style and get away with it. Nor write the same piece 1 trillion times and not feel like you're cheating yourself or your audience. BUT, at least you have tremendous skill and dope imagery.
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06-03-2018, 04:45 AM | #9 |
DOHpe since 02'
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Surrounded by white ppl
Posts: 14,693
Battle Record: 43-24
Champed - Netcees Battle League
- 1-2 Punch Onslaught
- 1-2 Punch League
- Hot or Thot Roast
- Hot or Thot 2018
- Fight Night 11
- NPL Roast
Rep Power: 34230531 |
For someone who talks so much shit u certainly sound like a faggot
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It’s like weed in Highschool- w/ the cans I’ll smoke you
Bitch I floss . I Got the chain out to see like Constantinople |
06-03-2018, 10:54 AM | #10 | |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345600 |
Quote:
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06-03-2018, 12:39 PM | #11 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
finish him
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06-03-2018, 01:45 PM | #12 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 732
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 19584275 |
I'm finished.
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Quote:
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06-03-2018, 02:49 PM | #13 |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345600 |
Stick and move.
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06-04-2018, 01:44 AM | #14 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,023
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349678 |
This was impressive, the beginning is a quick stutter step.
the switch up begins to draw me in and you start to fade away. you lean into that vibe you bringing & then it sinks in... and you sit there...as the viewer...trying to piece together that shit. its poetic in its performance & makes one appreciate the profession your word use is out of left field and could catch one off guard. it works, i like it, the whole piece is really nice though thats all I could fathom to say at thsi point
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
06-08-2018, 07:05 PM | #15 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
the first half of this was really good... right up until "lived in before". You should end it right there, because after that it looks like you keyed the rest and the rhymes weren't nearly as good as the first half.
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