01-19-2018, 01:05 PM | #1 |
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WEEK VI: ACTIVATE SELF vs Razah[ACTIVATE SELF WINS]
Season 8 Verses are due MONDAY at 11:59 EST Voting ends WEDNESDAY at 9:00 EST Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words Voting on 3 battles is required. Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253 @ACTIVATE SELF vs @Darker Ego Goodluck! Last edited by Inno; 01-25-2018 at 07:08 PM. |
01-19-2018, 01:33 PM | #2 |
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In. Good luck.
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01-23-2018, 01:28 AM | #3 |
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"The 'End' is almost near and I'm not sure how I know this
I just feel it in my bones and in my sleep I see explosions My middle name is Logan and that's close enough to Moses Plus, my cousin's name is Noah, so in a way I'm "chosen"(?)". "Oooh, religious hocus-pocus ..." "No, Joseph, I'm not joking, I'm just trying to think and focus And make sense of this psychosis ... inside my broken head." "Bro, even though you're loco ... Let's take it from the top, every night you go to bed...." "...And have this reocurring dream where I'm hiking up a mountain near the mouth of a ravine It's a picture perfect scene, birds are chirping in the trees, perched high above the the creek While the turf beneath my feet is a skirt of fireweed & purple Bee Orchids, all surrounded by a green Breathtaking stretch of a never-ending forest, that produces fresh air like the sourthern tip of Portland With a subtle hint of orange and a pine-needle smell, that I taste on my tongue every time I inhale As I hike up the trail the Sun sinks and melts right beneath the blue sky, making room for the Moon ... That'll bloom in due time, just as soon as the hue of the overcast fades, and the firmament is ready For the lunar escapade; I continue on my way 'til I reach a plateau and what I see down below Is a glowing spectacle, a city full of light that illuminates at night as the traffic shines bright on the highway that lines the entire downtown, which is likely several miles from my current locale And this circumstance allows, a perfect point of view, cause the purposeful and proud .. ubanized corral In the middle of the valley is about to go KAPOW, as an earthbound missel hits the center of the ground!!! I am totally astounded (in a horrified sense), it goes soundless for a smidgen than an orange storm emits An enormous fire pit from the depths of the metro, that's so forcefully intense, that it forms a swarm of winds Full of thermal radiation that destroys the whole grid, in a vaporized fashion leaving skyscrapers stripped To their bare min·i·mums ... and men burnt to crisps ... without a single living one ... to tell of the events Caused by Kim Jong-un and his North Korean bomb that will propagate a war and cause a nuclear response." "Well, Gotdamn, Scottie, I'm happy it's a dream and you're not really Nostradamus ". *Turns to news channel 4* "Emergency Alert: Donald Trump declares war." Last edited by ACTIVATE SELF; 01-24-2018 at 11:09 AM. |
01-23-2018, 11:27 PM | #4 |
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Razahs verse
It begins, like a verse from its start No direction at all, until I merge with my thoughts It's a surge which is purged by the dark My brain understands & tries to converse with my heart But it's drowning in terror & submerged with a shark He talks & I listen- Then I yearn to depart Got a glimpse of a monster who sees murder as art Feels holier than thou, He might've emerged from the ark ... Sometimes we don't talk & I know you wish you saw me more There's times when you don't think of me But I'm the one you've fallen for Would I come across your mind If you found yourself lost at shore I'd be the only friend you had - Yet, I'm all the evil that you've thought before ... It feels like- The lake was filled by tears I've cried What started as a walk just to clear my mind Turned into realization & I had my fears defined How long have I ignored you- All these years deprived Time to rid of all the darkness, with the light in me I've listened to your vicious words- & I agree Am I the one to blame if I knot the noose Forgive me.. For not asking for forgiveness, I've decided to let the monster loose. |
01-24-2018, 07:53 AM | #5 | |
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01-24-2018, 05:33 PM | #6 |
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Self - I enjoyed the alternate reality aspect, you delved into a world and stayed focused. Some lines were very long and some lines rhymed mid sentence, which I'm not a big fan of honestly, though, on occasion it can be utilized well, sparingly. The story was cool, you started in a theraputic session of sorts and weived into a dream that was nestled in reality. A for warning to those oblivious and lost within the time scape of a cell phone. The dependecy we created is real, I bet none of us have 4 phone numbers memorized.
Raza - I wish you focused more on a singular topic, cause either one you touched on could be a stand alone work. The first is the writer realizing the darkness inside of himself, because, he finds out he enjoys writing about the dark and sadistic to be judged by his peers in the mighty AOWL. This thought is worth a million words and is very cathartic. The second concept was a conversation between the narrator and a monster who turns out to be himself. While he's wrestling with suicidal thoughts, more details are revealed. So the two concepts are linked, but could have been stand alone thoughts expanded upon and held a stronger effect in my eyes really. This is a difficult verse, you each are at a literal deadlock in my eyes. One is longer and created a world a little better, while the other was shortened had more of a concise finished product. Raz had the better flow, I'm not typically a fan of long bar, but self did a good job in all honesty, I just felt his overall flow was just a notch below AZ's. What it boils down to for me is this.... Razah had the more enjoyeable verse, but I liked the actual story and content of Self's more. His verse was more captivating, beit because he wrote in a manore closer to an actual novel or not. So in the end, though this is a tough vote, I do feel like Self did a bit more to garner my vote. v/Activate
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01-24-2018, 11:09 PM | #7 |
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Activate- Yo this was dope as hell, well I mean I’ve only read like 2 topicals in my entire life, both from dead man, so I’m not too experienced but this shit was nice. You definitely should try your hand at text bsttling. I think you’d make some noise for sure. Anyways, you had a nice rhythmic flow in this verse and the multi usage was definitely on point. Everything was crisp and some good imagery was presented. 9.9/10
Razah - This shit was nice too bro, you definitely nailed your topic and got your point across. Everything flowed nice and I enjoyed the read! The only thing I can honestly say is I felt cheated towards the end, as if you began to rush a bit to finish. Overall this was great but not stellar. 8.8/10 Vote ACTIVATR |
01-25-2018, 07:17 AM | #8 | |
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01-25-2018, 09:15 AM | #9 | |
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