01-17-2018, 03:49 PM | #1 |
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WEEK VI: Ender vs Innovator[ENDER WINS]
Season 8 Verses are due MONDAY at 11:59 EST Voting ends WEDNESDAY at 9:00 EST Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words Voting on 3 battles is required. Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253 @Ender vs Innovator Goodluck! Last edited by Inno; 01-25-2018 at 07:05 PM. |
01-22-2018, 11:54 PM | #2 | |
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Of Rats and Death: A Tale from Mind City
Prologue The world’s stopped turning, time in stasis A silence; graceless, surrounds crying faces Perhaps dying spaces are ever caught in a moment Fraught and non-volant, haunted and potent Resisting encroachment of the changing tides Raging inside to not allow grief to wane or subside Pain magnified, ties left uncabled and snapped A fatal attack, his friend’s head cradled in his lap Unable to wrap his mind around where the day led What his mate said before he lay dead A slow smile spread, as was his stout friend’s habit Spent his last pained breath “Tell me about the rabbits...” Chapter One It’s always dusk here in Mind City Romantic and dangerous, and kind of pretty The streets lined with gritty gas lights flickering I hear men dickering, or maybe quietly bickering Violently flicking cigarette butts away as they chat Chewing the fat over the screeching of some stray cat I’m quickly away from that hurrying down the road I could hear the rats scurrying away as I strode My destination; opposite Corleone’s Stocks and Loans The famous detective offices of one Mr. Sherlock Holmes As I entered, Holmes looked up without a tinge of alarm Then went back to concentrating on the syringe in his arm “You impinge on my privacy, sir”, his tone was bleak “We’re closed for the night, and perhaps for the week” I moved in uninvited, and took a seat And though he tried to glare, his look had no heat He didn’t speak again until I’d observed his injection “Now tell me why you think you deserve my attention” I tried to control my apprehension and clear my head “I’m here with a case, we should wait for John,” I said He nodded his head calmly, then calm shatters with rage His peace in tatters; a lion, and I rattled his cage He grabbed his aged typewriter, threw it at the wall Then flipped his desk and all, nearly making me fall “Don’t mention that rat to me!” Holmes spat Obviously a sore spot, I made a note of that I decided to press on, despite his mental state “I need you to reveal who sealed Lennie’s fate” I saw his anger abate and he looked more intrigued “An interesting need since I’d heard it was your deed” With speed I slammed the door to my memory shut To not relive finding him in that alley with his throat cut I rebut “That’s a lie that Steinbeck told right to a cop’s face” With no trace of his opinion Holmes said “I’ll take the case” Quote:
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01-23-2018, 11:22 PM | #3 |
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Hall of the Slain
The dragon age disintegrates all That has been and regenerates none Prolific lit tongue integrates rhetoric In the faces of our sons, now pessimists ‘ From the fear of all out pestilence. So they cower the cowards sour at the Site of the beast But we must defend…… Setting anchor at the foot of the beast’ layer Eager bodies spill over to meet death’ prayer. Swiftly we cover ground like rain drops in a storm Some shout with glee while others quiet their groans. All battle prone She’s a feet, a monument of a task With said fact we march east To kill the scaly hag A steady wind and sturdy boat A ready sword and lumpy throat Nerves itching from under the skin Wars inching closer, its wonder is sin To the pits we march and death steps aside We tip toe in the mush, almost burning alive Up the river bend and through the flames the dragon is set to play its raindeer games. . The great beast nears cutting the wind with its wings Soaring majestically when it wales it sings. Such beauty I almost get lost in the darkness it brings. As archers spill ammo trying to pierce its skin The wind breezes an air of victory’ whim(delusion’ spin) Finally!! The beast lands moving the ground like sand grains Letting out a roar, mouth gaped showing hell’s gates. One by one my army is cut down to burnt ashes, Scores of men lay in ruin at the feet of this beast’ actions. In mere second we lose hope of victory’s treasures At this point the remaining welcome death as pleasure. But the beast is too good with his killings and gets distracted With the river of blood soaking his feet, enough time for a reaction. I drop my shield and ready my sword as I run towards the beast with one intention. To kill it. One solid strike to the heart and this will over kill of death will not go in vain. As the blade pierces through the great beast’ heart, he lets out a scream that shakes the bones offf my core. Finally it dies and the men left still alive let out and equally load roar that shook my bones into place. As I turned to join in the celebrations, I see on the ground the shade taking shape.....into wings. |
01-24-2018, 05:55 PM | #4 |
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Ender - First off, the flow in this verse was nice my man. Concise thoughts tucked inside of a formulaic verse. All patterned together nicely with a rhythmic sway. As for the story, it was cool and all, but I feel like as a stand alone work of art it's lacking something severely. I gather the rat in the situation is loosely based on actualy rats but more in terms of the snitch definition in urban dictionary. Solid read all in all, but story was lacking background, and just saying a character name in a real movie wasn't enough to paint me a picture of who these characters really were deep down.
Vator - The way you incorporated the photo was dope, how you explained everything up to the second the photo was taken. Gave the verse and photo life equally. The story was cool, though I'm not into reading religious works really. This may not have gone full blown religious, but it had hints. Flow was cool, short read given it's length really. Some bars were stretched thin for rhymes sake, others flowed fluidly. Overall, not the most consistent, but it was a nice read. V/ ender all in all his verse was just more enjoyable to me. He had the cleaner verse aesthetically, and while they each told a rather good story, Enders had a double meaning tucked away deep if you could find it. And for that reason alone, I gotta give him the nod.
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01-24-2018, 10:38 PM | #5 | ||
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01-25-2018, 07:18 AM | #6 | |
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01-25-2018, 09:17 AM | #7 | |
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01-25-2018, 04:45 PM | #8 | ||||||||||||||||
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