Week 18 Mag (featuring BAGS video and AERO $10 Verse Reveal)

[Sharp]

Introduction

Welcome to week 18. The powers that be (jaded mods) have decided this league is going to week 20 then hitting the playoffs. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER cause that leaves two weeks after this one before we're being seeded. AND so we get a really personal, Sharp Nine touch, say hello to:

New Rules: Voting

My life's work up to this point appears to be getting you Cockpipe Cosmonauts to vote on shit ON TIME. So rather than make that an issue, I'ma institute my favorite kinda thread..... VOTING LNKS THREAD



If you dont vote on AT LEAST 4 BATTLES I will withhold any wins from that week. If you lose, extra L until votes are made up. And you must make up any missed weeks of voting if you wanna get in the playoffs... so don't let slacking now fuck it up for you. Without further ado:






[Flash Reviews]

Champ Match: Cashius 6-0 vs Schadenfreude 10-6
This shit was tight to say the least. The two showed up pretty big here and I was pretty impressed. Cashius had a quality bar about Schad's name that was universally quoted (among others) and Schadenfreude had a Rufio bar that was outright dirty. The voters gave it to Cash in a KO though, feeling that he had a stronger verse as a whole with more standouts.

Contender Match: Kenny the OG 3-2 vs Bags 3-0
This was... Odd. Respect to both guys in a high profile match, they kept it civil. I think Destroyer tried to Bags this battle thread but it came off as a little weird. Kenny's delivery was a little iffy to some voters where Bags was generally well received. That said, Kenny's cloud line was clean as hell. Voters split, giving it to Bags on consistency.

Infiltration 10-5 vs Destroyer 9-6
Des prefaced his verse saying he didn't have time or something, which makes everything OK. Infiltration has been hot lately, and he kept going, Des didnt really match it. Coat of arms was the most well received bar of the battle but Inf was solid throughout. Personally dug his Aero line.

Toil 4-1 vs Barcotic 3-1 (Roast Battle)
Short but cool. Both had some clever takes but Toil's 5-0 bar was fire.

Cred 8-6 vs jilti 6-3
Gunbar city over here. This was really a mater of preference but voters split it just barely in Cred's favor. Personally I thought jilti had some cool bars but started a little weak, while Cred was a litle more consistent.

Lotto Smirk 6-8 vs Wanderer 5-7
This was weird. Lotto usually has a rushed verse, Wanderer also had one. Most liked Wanderer more.

Junto 3-2 vs Adverse 3-1
Adverse went for something here... not sure what, but respect him for flipping up what he's doing. Jun was da goon, did his thing and took a dub.

Wear Shhh 3-5 vs MFTastik 2-0
Zelph bit. Badly. Had to close the thread to prevent editing but MF had a solid drop. The N64 controller line was nice.

CBA 1-2 vs Chyeahhh!!! 0-1
CBA was pretty off and Chyeahhh is usually good for alright punches. He had them and CBA didn't.

Reza 0-0 vs Joe Boston 0-4
You two are banned from going more than 12 lines.




[Lime News Network Bulletin]

Good Evening. This is Brian Trilliams, Text's most trusted news source.




In our top story tonight, known faggot Zelph has been caught biting... A line from the week before. The line in question was a universally noticed Destroyer line. Zelph has since been banned by NBL and is wanted by the NCPD for questioning. If caught, his case is expected to go before the Netcitizen's Court. If anyone has information regarding his whereabouts, please contact Detective Mike Hunt, NCPD at 1-555-GAMBLELIVES.




Last known photograph of offender



In HolyshitIcan'tbelievethisqualifiesasSport: RMBVA has announced the introduction of the CannabisOwl 2v2 tourney. Following our site battle, this has extreme potential to impress. Signups can be found here: http://rmbva.com/showthread.php?p=659587



In Sub-Human Interest: Local sleuth Knucklehead has dug up a photograph and profile of Barcotic's Mom's friend that he has an ongoing Words With Friends game with. At this time it is speculated that Barcotic would have deleted the app years ago but feels too guilty and every Canadian bone in his body tells him this is the best way to avoid an uncomfortable moment.


Finally, Aero, our resident moneybags, has been laying low with his promise to pay $10 to what he deemed to be the top verse of last week... UNTIL NOW. In an LNN exclusive, the nonspecific-unverified-pan-ethnic mogul reveals his decision for top verse in a guest verse of the Week:


[Verse of the Week: Money Verse Edition]
[Aero]



There were three verses this week I was impressed with. Cashius, Bags & Jilti.

Originally Posted by jilti

Cred aka SchoolBlock



he uses rohypnol to get girls as standard procedure
when u see School BlackOut Dates, its not mandatory for teachers
hands ether. known to scrap & tote gats in the holster
so you can choose either the Armor Fist nigga. thats winter soldier
hope ya dont think this match'll get u a contendership fast
cuz if Block Advances, thats just what girls do to his mexican ass
consecutive claps. gun powder in the air when pistols blast
2 ratchets smoking on the side of School like they were ditching class
split in half. this Chi town nigga ass gonna be found dead
cuz once i open him up, they'll be nothing shy about cred
that nine let out lead. single round sent to cave his dome
one bang to the forehead will have u looking like Razor Ramon

I removed Jilti from contention Bc though it was good most of the nameplays were about Cred's alias School which I'd never heard of.


Both Cashius & Bags had a haymaker. Cashius had the "I don't know how to say this". Bags had "watch you OD on the needle" which was probably the most creative & well put together bar of the week.

Then Cashius had itunes rating, Bags had driving range.
Cashius had Independence Day, Bags had Bottle of Lotion.

This came down to misses for me...

Originally Posted by Bags

stupid ass avy. u think u swole? u got to be jokin>?
man ya isolation routine involves a basement, low self esteem & a bottle of lotion
trynna get dudes to give ya balls n wee wee a tug
if u have a wet dream i hope it involves a handful of pills n u fall asleep in the tub
for loot? catch u in traffic w that weapons grade sniper gauge
them rounds flyin at u for the green an i aint gotta be in ya driving range
oh u trynna get violent an brawl? u must be wilin dog
u keep actin like an N word an i promise that k i put on ya wont be silent at all
ull catch a slug to the kneecap for perping
aight fam u heard me? that shotty take 4lbs out ya leg quicker then alex murphy
ill land hits on this contender non stop n constant
leave his shot on the rocks w the lime n serve this punch drunk fagot up a vodka n tonic
fuck this match...only time u fire up metals a spoon, homie u see thru
so take the belt, ill give u the shot & hand u the torch...then watch u od on the needle
this a big loss, an u can get it irl too cuz u a bitch dog
man ill run u in these streets so fast they gon have to re invent the rickshaw

16
@Kenny the OG

Originally Posted by Cashius

I seen you're like 1/8 black? So, fall back...This dude's a nerd hipster
Pronunciation aside, I'll still refer to you as Shades.....too light to be using the word "nigga"
My shooters hungry for that paper. One word...they clap and letting it go, bro
I'll laugh and put 5 digits on your head in a flash...like I'm pranking you during a photo
You look like you prefer full fat everything...Yo, the homie's a balloon
So, when a voter says "that's light" you prolly throw your phone across the room
You'll faint just at the sound of the gun...Let the hospital try-to-save him
Cause when my tool's blazing...One click and they'll check your heart, that's an iTunes rating
I guarantee he spends his whole life alone...He ain't gettin' a dime, it's clear
Ugly motherfucker...you could celebrate Independence Day 365 times per year
No one'll read a champ match that involves you...yo, I'll straight clown him
I can hear you dropping Views RIGHT NOW...and you don't even own the Drake album
This loser's gotten dumped his WHOLE LIFE...not many can make that claim
He's been constantly hearing "I don't know how to say this"...wayyyyy before his gay ass name
12 wins with 7 of them no shows?!?!...I know he's a fraud. Homie is hardly hot
He should be on Megan's Law...only known for fucking with dudes who don't have the balls to drop

I rated each bar from Bags and Cashius and totaled them. Cashius came out ahead by a razor thin margin.

Cash I'll PM you.







[No-Show Shine]


MFTastick vs Zelph (DQ'd for biting)

Fuck this guy. Off the rip. You want bars then I got y'all/
Or square up. Bomb right in his chest like Alahu akhbar/
One jab givem lock jaw. Or it's gats drawn. Lift the bird up./
Then Z gettin a shell to his chest. That's Surfs up/

Right hand give him one big hit like a sisqo tune/
Then the deuce go accross his face like disco moves./
Dog You drew the wrong card starting with me/
Penis emoji. Wtf bro. Guess you are what you eat./

Pull up. Lead gripped. Full clip. Dead shit./
Give ya soul wings like Crash Bandicoot when he gets hit./
head split. If this shit had a flyer. Zelph wouldn't be on the poster/
Z would be on the back like n64 controllers/



Habitat vs Artifice

I'm done bluffin, leave son busted w/ a nasty concussion
the homies better come save artery gonna have his blood gushin
bone crushin, glass shattered on ur jaw bone, I'm stunning in a pub brawl
Or I could have u runnin, son I'm gunnin... have arms at ya back like a trust fall
After this battle they'll say ur a cut above, top notch.. BUT
doesn't everyone's kill count come from the bottom up?
You ain't on my level, think u'll catch me slipping? Hardly dude
I'm bringin fire, Art... while ur attempts resemble Homer tryna build a BBQ
Run up to his crib, start fuckin his bitch and he won't do a single thing
Cause he knows the cans'll start poppin off like the beginning of a Pringles binge


Blam Newtown vs King

You suck at this text shit, your verses aren't even half tight.
The shotty will leave half your torso missing like Ezekiel Elliot on draft night.
I've already given u an L this season, so it's not a problem hand u another, lame.
I'll throw a bow that's so out of bounds, u'd think it's the end of that thunder game.
His girlfriend hates his guts and secretly hopes that he drops dead.
Can't even get the last word in his own house, the arguments are like that Lars thread.
And speaking of your girl, the pussy was decent even though she's not a hottie.
That's y I spent the whole weekend in it then gave it back on Monday like Hush's Maserati.
Listening to him spit a verse will literally make you sick.
Rather put a Tech N9ne or a Kaliko to my ear than listen to Strange music.



[Verse Superlatives]


Where Was the Punch? Verse

Originally Posted by Reza

^^nah I'm not john. But ima eat his soul bags
He must be nostalgic... No wonder he wants to see '05 so bad
Pfft. Beating me?? That defies logic
I craft masterpieces...
Meanwhile, the art you display couldn't fill a supply closet.
Throw shots that'll make his teeth rattle
Gun talk? Please. Your piece wouldn't speak in the beast's castle
This isn't personal. We can take sum pictures after
I pummel ya... Cuz the last hard bar you brought was in a moldy snickers wrapper
Dude's washed up and I'm going to clothes the door on this wack chump

.... No wonder ya verses lack punch
Neighbors. Tv's. Horses... Ya bitch is always looking for something to mount
Now that's an ill concept.. Something you know nothing about
Read up on ya. Your always stirring up trouble. But here's something he don't know
Nobody likes you... You wouldn't be a person of interest on the tv show

The Oh my Lord You're about to get KO'd by Chyeahhh Verse

Originally Posted by CBA

This kid said he got the steel in his crib? I'm thinking massive liar,
Only time youngin seen heat is when he pass a fire,
And you ain't fit to box with God, you best believe this
Hit him with a heavy cross, get this man yelling "Jesus"

You can catch me on the street corner, with three bitches and my pockets swollen,
Only time we seen him walk the walk was when his car got stolen,
And I showed your girl my pee pee, she knows how to get it hard, kid
She kept taking it out and kept blowing it like a Nintendo Cartridge

And CBA's the hottest shit around, you better ask hoe
I'll eat his food and leave Chin painted red like Tabasco
Body parts everywhere, the cops ain't solving this mystery
It ain't nothing to see Chin Die Nasty - no chinese history

The 'First Two Bars are good enough So I'ma phone the rest in' Verse

Originally Posted by Junto

yo you a bitch though... I mean...

I could fuck his girl in front of him. Then take a cord to her neck.
the only Adverse reactions you'd see are vomiting & shortness of breath
Torture u next... u know who the GOAT be, why would u go provoke me?
Maaaan u really gon be payin for that verse. & u can bet that Aero won't be.
next time you & a couple homeboys go & bump some lines you're gonna die...
cops'll never do the math... but I calculated to make it tres overdoses like 1.5
Far below my peer, You wack as fuck and you know it queer
if there's an Ad- campaign I'll support u for president of the lowest tier
handed lemons to em, They made a mistake puttin me wit u
& if u make Lemonade? it'll be like Beyonce's - just tellin the world how J been abusin u
Cut you to pieces... once detectives get the first package / enclosure?
they won't be seeking ur hand anymore like takin back a marriage proposal

The Bang Bang Verse

Originally Posted by Cred

I think Orc killed u the worst this season. Had u stuck in ur place
But this time u ain't Fighting Irish wen I put 2 Arms Up in ur face
This dudes a bitch. I'm a Devil wit a knife, a gun and two clips
Or get da Fork on the bck of ur head like sitting in Hush's new whip
Reaper flow. Black hoodie over my head wen I squeeze the foe
He's weaker tho. One Round put 'em in the air like pizza dough
I got a bullet for every one in ur fam. I let that thang off quick
That clip loaded wit Ninja Turtles.. each shell got a name on it
Catch ur click on the corner, twin 9's causin harm on the spot
Do 'em Dennis Rodman style. I'm using two arms for the block
Acting like u kno MMA n threatening to meet diode wit the hands?
Ok karate kid. This shotgun'll blow 1 leg off to help wit ur stance

[Previews/Shot of Bags' Home for future Veritas Paintings]
[Bags]

WTF'S

WTF @ FAGGOT BAGS BEING IN THE TITLE MATCH.
WTF @ FAGGOT BAGS VIDEO MAG NOT BEING RETARDED & HAVING SOME GOOD POINTS FOREAL, FUCK U THO.
WTF @ THE NBA PLAYOFFS BEING DOPE AS FUCK THIS SEASON.
WTF @ ORC COMING BACK OUTTA NO WHERE FROM HIS DRUNK SLUT RAPPING RAGE BINGE HES BEING ON.
WTF @ ZELPH BITTING DESTROYER.
WTF @ THE LEAGUE BEING SO POPPIN.
WTF @ ME DOIN A WTF SECTION.



Sexy Chicks

[Outro]

Well, if @Allen Knight @Adverse and @Infiltration wanna put something in the mag like they said they would, they can PM it to me



Outside of that keep on truckin and fuckin VOTE. I'm out