Round One: Witty vs. Pharaohs Army [OPEN FOR VOTES]

[Adonis]

Winter Topical II: Round One


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due JAN. 11th
MONDAY at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or MONDAY 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM TUESDAY JAN. 12th Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Thursday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Thursday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Friday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in NEGATIVE VOTES if you advance to the next round.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? You can technically start a match down three votes by failing to log a single vote the previous week.

so....

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here!

Topic:




G/luck

@Witty @Pharaohs Army

[Pharaohs Army]

*ugh.*@pic&matchup.
you back from your hiatus? check.

[Witty]

Yes sir.

[Witty]

My head is racing, contorted from medication
A mental patient who should be forced in to segregation
Millenia old, unthwarted and never aging
You can find me in the Bible, on a horse in The Revelation
I've fought wars, mastered the force and levitation
Newton and Einstein? I'm the source of their education
I'm the past, present and future...
...the course of it never changing
Man is blind, in his hands are the sands of time
I've seen it all, from the bland to the damn sublime
I've written every movie script, directed every scene
And it wasn't even a passion, just a secondary dream
I've heard words that have never been said, stories untold
Saw the fourties unfold, put a bullet in a President's head
I broke in to a house, and shot John Lennon in bed
I was aiming for Yoko, who'da known I'd get him instead?
Never been wed, but fathered every child that's ever been bred
Wiped up each drop of blood every veteran bled
I've played with the dice of pain and demise
Stood close enough to Hitler to see the flame in his eyes
Heard the Jews pray for respite from the taste of his lies
I witnessed God's grace within the Garden of Eden
Then saw him turn his back on the starving and grieving
Noah had a few pigs, some goats, some sheep, not two of every kind
So I go to church and scoff at those who see truth in every line
I saw Poseidon pissed when his trident missed the mark
Took a trip to visit Erebus, residing in the dark
I built the Great Wall, fought with Atilla the Hun
Spit some dope rhymes that were iller than Pun
Took a voyage with Sinbad, star gazed with Copernicus
Made Marilyn Monroe's eyes glaze from a nervous kiss
I've lived a life, I've seen the world, eternity my abode
Now I sit in this room...burning inside, the curse of the silent ode
Just taking pills, thinking of how things were better then
'Nurse, he's telling lies on the the internet again!'
So I may have exaggerated...don't blame me for the shit though
Go back to the start...
....I told you I was crazy from the Get Go.

[Pharaohs Army]

these Rhymes are all My Dreams but i'm stuck inside a screen.
8 hours today at work - on the desktop.
too busy - to even think about hip hop.
i've got my own one at home. and i can't wait to log on.

limitless resources at my fingertips
studious. i search endless, on search engines.
here's a link about childhood obesity
it's trending increasingly.
'n i use my computer to look for Deals - on a new computer.
where better thanthe Web to Find Reviews?- by otherpeople who've used it...

remember as kids we played manhunt, in the back yard
nowadays youth stay indoors. go online for hours - try'na "act hard"
MP3s,shooting games,RPGs,or texstylin' like wannabe rap stars

my generation
paved the way.
'n now i'm stuck in a Youtube loop,
then on to adult sites. ithink i like Porn- better thn Food!

...it's kinda scary
but i think i'll be Sedentary- until i reach the cemetary.
because i'm stuck
inside a screen...

[Razah]

Interesting topic.

I felt like Pharoahs' verse, approached the topic better. That's kind of the direction I would've gone in. I felt like most of the verse was written simply, but, what made it dope was how real it is. I liked it a lot for that reason. Cool stuff bruh.

Witty's verse on the other hand, was simply better. The rhyming was super smooth. I got through half your verse before I scrolled up to see what the topic was, and I felt it didn't really relate to that. While reading it, I thought it was about time because .. what else would be able to 'view' all those things. You kind of threw it all together at the end to 'make it fit', but I felt like that was a lazy way to write the verse. It was a pretty good verse though.

This can go either way, in my eyes. Pharoahs' verse was more on topic, but I felt like Witty's verse was written better, although it wasn't entirely focused on the topic. *shrugs* Good read though, both of ya'.

vWitty

[Pent uP]

Witty -- point: lennon was shot on his doorstep. Counterpoint: you were crazy from the get go. Ive read verses like this where i liked the flip better (such as verses written from an actors mind or something akin to that). But as it stands the only bad thing i really have to say about this is the "ation" rhymes at the beginning were sloppy. Good shit.

Pharoh - there were glimpses of dopeness littered here. I particularly liked the stanza with the childhood obesity thing. The search engine bit there resonated like when ur drawjng a blank so u just go lookibg for skmething interesting u can vaguely twist into your topic. Then, same stanza, the reviews by ppl whove used it reminds me of that thing "the brain is the only organ to name itself." Uunique thinking. I like it. Mechanics are your downfall though.

Vote witty wonka

[MMLP]

Wit - Quality throughout, compact and pretty much rhymed smoothly.
I dunno about the ending, mental patient playing games? Trolling on the net?? Other than that, lyrically and flow-wise it was on point!
A great read, one the best ive read so far this round, would of probably been the best if things were cleared up.

Army- ive only read your stuff on open mic so I kinda expected this.
Although it lacked the technical aspect I like to see on NC’s, this was a great read as well, a good solid ending!
Some days I think we all live the sedentary lifestyle you’re conveying. So this felt more real.
The concept is probably better than witty’s but not executed as good as it needed to be.

good match up, based on entertainment and technicality though, v/ Witty

[Pinot Grij]

Witty - this was really cool, man. I've read it a couple times now - started off a little slow, but you incorporated a lot in to it and your narrator seemed genuine. Only thing is - John Lennon wasn't shot in bed, he was shot outside a hotel. Either way, a pretty entertaining read and I liked the closer.

Pharoah - this was pretty cool and you articulated some interesting thoughts pretty well. You captured the inherent evil of this internet generation - I just don't feel like the thoughts were fleshed out that well. I definitely think if you elaborated more and included more aspects of the internet and online culture that you could've had a really good piece. As it is though, it just feels unfinished.

Vote -- Witty

[e11even]

Witty- this verse is almost identical to that one about reading books, aside from the beginning and end flip. That flip is what made this one stand out because it was super similar otherwise. I think given what I've read from you, you either played it safe or were just lazy. The odd thing about it was that this piece was still dope. The rhyming jumped around a litlle more than usual, but othrr than that it was a solid read. Good job.

Pharoah- I think your angle was decent, but if you were to squeeze more content out of it your result would have yielded better results. However, your format was terrible imo.I'm not sure if you were imitating something or what, but reading the choppy structure was not enjoyable. This could have been better, but it came off really rushed and not fleshed out enough. I think you could have done more, but thanks for posting anyway.

In my mind this wasn't an even match as far as overall performance, but the angles could have been more competitive with the right development. As a result MVGT Witty. Thanks for showing guys.

[Adonis]

Witty Flawless 4-0

[Soulstice]

I've heard words that have never been said, stories untold
Saw the fourties unfold, put a bullet in a President's head

that was good, flow was fresh. some other references were well placed some were kind of eh

I witnessed God's grace within the Garden of Eden
Then saw him turn his back on the starving and grieving

dope as well. ending was kinda corny. wished you flipped it like "I'm anger" or something. idk if that even fits, but something else wouldve been cooler IMO

pharoah - this is kind of fitting for this site, and was conceptually cool. the flow and rhymes need to be tightened up as well as your metaphors the porn better than food was ok but iller lines have been spoken and typed. stay up

v/ witty

[NYCSPITZ]

Pharoah's army cool kinda short verse. Type of thing that would sound cool in a cypher off the top. I thought Witty was more fleshed out here though, liked the story aspect of it and used more writing devices than PA. Overall enjoyed his verse more.

V/witty