Round II Mag: Trimming The Fat

[Adonis]

~Round II: Trimming The Fat~

~Intro~

First and for most I would like to ask the remaining four competitors if they would enjoy a battle for third place? This has not been done in the past, but I feel like it don't hurt to ask?

Let's Go!!

~Feature artist: Le$~

Le$ is that dude. He recently dropped two mixtapes in the span of like 2 weeks, both of which are dope, one of which is amazing. He's a member of Slim Thuggs Boss Hogg Outlawz but don't let that fool you, this dude is actually very talented with it. He spits about weed and cars alot, but has this slow flow that soothes the ride. Peep game. One of my favorite out right now by far. His beat selection on point too though.

~Round I Battle Reviews~

#7 MMLP vs. #10 YDK

MMLP: I really liked the flip on the topic, I don't think many people if any would have thought to write about Tiger Woods if given the topic. Execution wise, from a metaphor stand point you were firing on all cylinders. You use this style occasionally and I for one love it as I too utilize it but don't know of any one else still competing who does. You went from Cats to Cougars to Tightening Clutch to Losing Grip to, I can go on. What I'm saying is, the effort you put forth in thinking as you write is evident, and you wrote a damn good verse round one. I think voters had it right.

@YDK : The flow in this verse was mos def the high point, you slayed that shit to a crisp bruh. The concept however, in comparison to MMLP lacked a bit, but still stands alone as something solid. This was a tough vote evidenced by it's closeness. You put your best foot forward and did your thing in all honesty. You wrote of life and death and discovering how to live longer, incorporating seasons as the attatchment to your topic however I felt you missed the mark there even if barely. You need another 2-3 lines that eluded to seasons or leaves or family trees or bushels of daisey's, anything really to truly give this verse the edge. You were close, but I voted MMLP in a slim margin


#6 Asylum vs. #11 CopyPat

Asylum: You wrote a story that was filled with action, which is hard to do for me so I commend you there. You did this more rappy then your usual style as well. I still can't quite connect some of the actions that I mentioned before in my vote. I liked the rhymes though as I feel like you did your thing. So while I enjoyed the verse, I must say that this was not one of your better works. You may have squeaked by this round, but I expect more from you next.

@CopyPat : So you did what you set out to do here because I'm pissed off. Actually, no I'm not, gas recently shot down like a 30 cents which is awesome. Filled up with 22 the other day though it wasn't empty, still, that was the shit. I liked the verse just wish there was more to it. More metaphor, more mystique. It seemed like it lacked that Pat style in all honesty. You didn't shoot for the stars conceptually here, just wrote about what you saw. Still solid writing, just not enough to get the win here. I had Asylum in a close one.








#5 Rakontur AKA ADONIS ;)vs. #12 Timeless

Rakontur: Wrote a tale of a man coming out of the closet to his wife. This verse is basically the male explaining different instances of the telling signs the female missed. He is apologizing for not telling her sooner. Strange thing to write about honestly, I don't see why many people would vote for such an odd reading, but you never did play it safe.

Timeless: A story of love, well it seemed the male was in love, the girl seemed like a bitch honestly. Went under the knife for own personal gain, though I could be wrong cause I don't know where Alzheimer comes into play. She cheated on him in the beginning, which by the way, great choice of word creating the imagery and feeling of a door being opened and him basically smelling the whore on her. All in all this was an enjoyable verse. I don't have really any complaints other then the message was a bit muffled so the execution was not fully there, but that could just be me and my meager brain. Good shit, good win fucker.

#8 VividlyVague vs. #13 2Tripple0

Vivid: A story about a boy who grows old, in a shitty situation. A dead beat dad who beats the boy, hates his mom and loves drugs or any other of his multiple kids more then the boy. In the end the boy leaves with his sister and the father ends up in prison, leaving behind a child with his own daughter I guess, whom the boy vows to raise, far better then the his dead beat father ever did. Solid writing mechanically, nothing really worthy of a complaint. I think you executed the story well, but given the many time jumps, from him being a boy, to teenager to 18 years old, you gave this read a bit of strain regarding deciphering it all. But, with that said, you still did a great job because after I buckled down I feel like I perceived the story correctly, only problem is, the story itself was nothing special so “buckling down” was not fun in this case.

2tripps: IDK man. I feel like you reached for the stars her conceptually but came up with a handful of sand, damn that's mean as fuck, sorry. You know I love you. The concept alone was dope, but the execution was poor and just painstakingly read. Improve my friend.

~Round II Battle Reviews~

#1 Nigma vs. #8 VividlyVague

Vivid: I enjoyed the story and progression very much so, although the rhyme scheme was boring and left me wanting so much more in that regard, however, at some point something must give in the grand scheme of things. I mean, nobody is perfect, so if you decide to write a full length story in detail riddled with imagery and action then something else may lack as one is trying to perfect another aspect of writing. So yes, I give you a pass because the story was good, but it had to be said. I can sum this verse up with a single word, “captivating”, from beginning to end, although given the topic I knew where you were going, I was still glued to the monitor reading, wanting to know what happens for sure. I will say that the concept itself is not believable. What I mean is, this Alien race, our creators, wanted to unite us, so they blow up an orphanage?? Seems a bit strange no? Again, given the photo you did what you felt you had to, so I get it. Just feel like there was a better more realistic route that you completely overlooked. Loved the gore you incorporated, although I will say that the morbid side of life is clearly not your forte, but valiant effort, one which I loved given that style is highly preferred regarding my personal preference. All in all, dope read to say the least.

Nigma: Opening line was dope for the masterful alliteration alone, I enjoy when different styles or even rhyme schemes are sporadically placed with in a verse, it refines the pallet if you will. But, then you followed that up with Landing and Landed in back to back lines which showed the opposite in detailed craftsmanship of the first line. You later on used 'they often' and 'he often' a bar apart which again points to the obvious of this being a rushed verse, the most unlikely of the Nigma I have grown accustomed to. Hmmm, I can only think that you wrote this with a meaning that is evading me completely, because what I picked up just doesn't seem like that is all you were going for. You spoke of landing crafts, pyramids and time and wisdom. You spoke of being found and raised as there own, then being sent as a soldier, to use your powers for “Canadians” own self greed? In any case, the character realizes shit with his pops and moms and just waits and finds peace, the end. All in all, this was a decent verse that had flashes of brilliance in structure and scheme, but they were far from one another. So while I enjoyed the writing, you were simply out matched this time around for the first time this entire season in my own personal opinion. It's a shame it came at the wrong time, true, but it happens to the best of us, I know from personal experience.










#4 Razah vs. #12 Timeless

Razah: This seemed half poem rap and partial slight toward my friend timeless, dirty dog. But this verse was dope on many many levels. For starters, the read was as smooth as could be, the entire message was allowed to easily come to front, what's the opposite of fade to black?? That. The butter flow made the concept shine is what I'm saying. I loved the few instances of word play, the streaming of thought and soulless cause they put their soul in it. Then with that pencil line you incorporated imagery. The word choice was on point is all I'm saying. However, I can't give you praise conceptually, because this is type of verse was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the topic. But simplicity if done well is a glorious thing. In this case, you won rightfully. I would have voted you on the merit of having damn near an entire verse being quotable. Good shit. Though, I don't think a short verse will cut it next week, FYI.

Timeless: I liked the verse, but if I'm honest, which I am, I feel like you needed something more with in it. More meaning or metaphor, not just a story of guy going through life and you giving examples of why mankind can give up or push forward. This verse needed a bigger picture to fully take affect. I'm not saying the read was bad, because it was penned well and you actually executed you concept extremely crisp. I mean, I get exactly what you went for, you painted a picture crystal clear, only issue, as I said, the crystal was just too small in this case. The mechanics were all there though, you had some stellar lines including one about crying eyes and drowning in it to private island. So yes, you had I'd say ¼ verse of conceptual lines that were written in a manor rather easy to understand. Written mechanically crisp, so much so it made me glance over them instead of being forced to go back and read the rhyme scheme or subtleties, instead, you were more straight forward, which isn't bad, but in this case, just not great.


#2 GodComplex vs. #7 MMLP

Buddha: Let me get this small detail out of the way first real quick. You began saying you are Vyasa, more then a man, an entity of purity. Then, not too long after say “We Humans”. That threw me for a loop and I took it as a misstep. Never mind, you later explain the creation or maturing process from Man to Vishnu. This verse is right down my alley, but I will say I think you may turn a voter or two off with the depth and pure mass you provided. I loved the thoughts behind the verse though. You tackled something very brave and gigantic, yet I received a sense of completion after reading it, success my friend, it is a beautiful thing. I feel like there was nothing left to be said on this topic, but obviously there is much more. You gave insight into mankind while using many examples of the original god's and texts. You wrote about learning, plucking out eyes to see clearly. You wrote about religion and how they can control selfishly if you allow them to. You wrote about Revelations, how reading a book can change your view be it good or bad. You wrote about peace, that sly devil of death, her out stretched hands waiting to bring us back to where she lives. This verse was dope man. I don't know what else I can say really? I'm not even going to talk about rhymes or structure because I did not care while reading this over, I was more intrigued by the story and and deciphering it above all else. Thank you my friend, I appreciate the insight into you life and world, this verse is one I will remember over the years, along with a handful of maybe 5 verses I can recall, one of which is a decade old.

MMLP: HAHA, that ending killed me. It reminds me of that song by Eyedea (RIP my friend) about the cross roads and the two angels he meets and walks away and ends up in heaven. At first my exact thoughts were, “Oh NOOOO, he ruined a verse penned with a deft touch by going godly”, but then I saw the light. That flip on the same old same old was wise, you hit it in stride and gave me a smirk. I honestly don't remember reading a more powerful, in the moment statement with overwhelming effect than “I batted my eye”. Something so simple had such a profound reaction positively while reading. I haven't even touched on the fluidity of this soul searching mind fuck. It read silky smooth from opening line to final line, not a single misstep. Your use of Multies was on point as well. A bit scary because usually using Multies this often will distort the meaning of lines or make a writer change direction in story just to keep the flow, maybe ruin a path for a structure. You murdered this to be Frank. The inner look of the soul of this lost man questioning life and death, the back and forth contrast you painted really carried you through the bulk of the story. One particular bar I loved that is a perfect example was “Am I supposed to die and relish in death? Or Have an open mind and cherish this breath.” That bar says it all in my mind. Dope verse, this is my new favorite from over taking that Messi the Messiah verse.










#3 Mr. J vs. #6 Asylum

Asylum: For the second straight week you began your verse by explaining what you see. Not sure if I love this technique because I prefer “make me think” verses over story, or concept drops over linear you know? But I digress. “Long's has it been”? This verse was just dope man, no going around it. The imagery was vivid yet dark as could be, you painted the entire landscape from drift wood rippling as a paintbrush to hellions, to lush green pastures transformed in the darkness. A story of a daughter who died as a old lady who was granted a final walk with her father in purgatory for, I assume, shooting himself. The clear strokes you painted with engraved a scene of this twisted and troubled land, you more then explained the photo, you went much further then that. You more then added emotion, you planted a seed of regret from a fathers perspective while actually explaining, as close as can be, the love a child or parent has for one another. People say all the time how difficult it is to explain into words, well, I think we have a winner in all honesty. I read this twice, and I can't even recall flow or rhyme scheme man. This is a good thing. Either A, you were so steady that I didn't notice a single misstep, or B (and this is the real reason) you just wrote a story that fully grabbed my attention and held it strongly until the end, both times at that. Very solid verse, the imagery alone earns this verse a top 5 of my personal favorites of season 5.

Mr. J: This was a solid verse man, though I won't spend too much time breaking it down as you failed to log a single vote. You wrote about a child dreaming, who does not want to leave the dream, only in the end, the dreams are reality and when she is asleep, she is a little girl in the world. Her real world is that which is the provided topic. So while I enjoyed the flip and concept in the end, you were outmatched by a longer, more detailed version of your verse.

~Final IV Battle Predictions~

Razah vs. VividlyVague

Lets see here. This battle will be a fun and fast paced read. I'm sure Razah will post his usual 10-12 bars of solid flow, execution and overall mechanics and most likely, but not guranteed, to create a note worthy concept. While Vivid will write a story roughly twice the length with great mechanics though nothing complex. Vivid has been known to drop the ball on certain topics, and as I'm writing this it just dawned on me that I don't think I did you any favors with the topic, to be fair, my daughter picked it. I selected something like 6 topics and she happened to walk up so I said pick you two favorites and that was one of them, she's six, so the colors I'm sure is the only thing she saw. In any case, I think Razah will by pressed if he drops his usual. While Vivid has posted some poor verses in the past, he has not done so this season at all. It seems as though that year long hiatus has payed off. So I don't see him dropping a week concept, which means Razah will need to step up in order to win. Let's be real, 20 lines against 40 lines will typically favor the fuller verse for obvious reasons. I'm not saying Razah can't pull it off, because I'm only trying to light a fire here, I just can't claim him to be the favorite.
VIVID 60%

GodComplex vs. Asylum

This is a tasty battle for me personally. Over the past 4 weeks, dating back before playoffs, you have been my favorite writers and been the most consistent if I must say so. This could easily be the title bout and dare I say whomever advances will be the favorite, in my eyes anyways. Buddha will write something metaphysical, something to ponder over, but this has got him in trouble in the past because some voters don't enjoy the introspective reads that make you question all things. Asylum has been writing gems safe for his round one victory, but they have been vast in execution. From story to topical he has proven a sense of well roundedness? There has to be a better word but it evades me. In any case, this battle should be a tough read for it's sheer depth alone. I don't see either competitor writing a 20 line verse, and I don't see either competitor writing a toss up or throw away. I think you each go for the gusto, and in the end, voters will state personal preference as the main reason. And for that reason I will say...
Buddha 51%

~Outro~

That's all I got kids. In case you missed it

Yes, I was Rakontur. Big Thanks to Lars, Split and Asylum for selecting a topic for me each and every week. The only topic I picked for myself was one in which I set a battle and YDK said he signed out, so I just signed myself in there.

Keye'd every verse this season 1-2 hours max with the exception of the final week I believe, in which I actually had the time to sit down and write and murdered that shit bitches.

Peace, Love and SOUUUULLLLLLLL TRAINNNNNN!!!!!

[asylum]

and the truth will set you free ;-) thanks for the read bro.

[Frank]

Goodluck Gents

May the force be with you

Reserving my vote on both highly anticipated battles.

Out of pure disrespect and unwavering competitiveness, I will be joining both battles with 46 line verses which I will either post in this thread, the open mic forum or the actual battle itself.

Looking forward to season 6 with avengance, but also looking forward to seeing a legend born here in season 5.

Best of luck!

[UnbornBuddha]

@Frank you are an admirable veteran to see so enthusiastically competing.

I see Rakontur finally came out the closet ;)

Enjoyed the read. Win or lose, this league has been a positive force in my life.

[UnbornBuddha]

Also, I'm all for the match for third place.

[asylum]

Originally Posted by Godcomplex

@Frank you are an admirable veteran to see so enthusiastically competing.

I see Rakontur finally came out the closet ;)

Enjoyed the read. Win or lose, this league has been a positive force in my life.

Agreed. Seriously, this season has made a huge impact on my psychological health. Great outlet. we should bust some flows the night we write for shits and giggles. it's been a pleasure competing with you brother.

[e11even]

@Adonis great mag. I laughed at a few breakdowns but ain't no way I'm doing that any better so I'll shut up. I'm actually kinda surprised I hadn't faced Frank this season. I was anticipating and dreading it at the same time. Hopefully I'll be here to compete all of next season. I wanna get to vulgar/Buddha status.

[timeless]

Lmao @Adonis

[timeless]

Killed it bro

[timeless]

I'm still undefeated against u tho ;)

[sral]

I even asked Adonis at one point if he was Rakontur and he denied it!

[ThisisDAM]

Hi guys. Glad to see this is still going on.

[timeless]

Originally Posted by ThisisDAM

Hi guys. Glad to see this is still going on.

Winter topical tourney coming after these playoffs end then new aowl season after that.

[sral]

Originally Posted by ThisisDAM

Hi guys. Glad to see this is still going on.

waddup

it's Baron Mynd

[ThisisDAM]

Well, howdy. I haven't been writing like that anymore but maybe I'll join the next league. I'm a shell of myself, haha

[Frank]

@asylum @Vividlyvague @Godcomplex @Razah


Do not squander this opportunity to become immortal.

Unleash fury

[e11even]

Originally Posted by sraL

I even asked Adonis at one point if he was Rakontur and he denied it!

I'm pretty sure I remember that lol.

[e11even]

Originally Posted by Frank

@asylum @Vividlyvague @Godcomplex @Razah


Do not squander this opportunity to become immortal.

Unleash fury

Just focusing on being outside my comforts of wild action movie writing and more on solid neat writing. I hope to make you proud Fajjah.

[sral]

Originally Posted by ThisisDAM

Well, howdy. I haven't been writing like that anymore but maybe I'll join the next league. I'm a shell of myself, haha

There will be the sites HUGE annual Winter Topical Tourney immediately following the finale of this season!!!

Stick around and sign up, I'll tag you in the sign ups thread when they're happening so you'll be notified!!!!

Places will be going quick though so you'll need to make your interest known quick!!!

[asylum]

Originally Posted by Frank

Do not squander this opportunity to become immortal.

Unleash fury

Yessir.