Round One: 8. VividlyVague vs. 13. 2tripple0 - vividlyvague wins

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Round One


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
WEDNESDAY at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or WEDNESDAY 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM THURSDAY Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here!

Topic:




G/Luck @Ullr
@

[e11even]

He said, "I don't owe you shit! Hell, nobody does!"
My hands and lip trembled as the tears fled the ducts...
I balled up inside, knowing this was just the beginning.
"He'll love you. Just wait it out." I talked myself out of winning.
I was born my momma's son- bold, inquisitive, brash.
I wasn't afraid of putting a couple screws to my dad.
Shit, I even questioned calling him that! I was just trying to grow
with my 'father' at 18, this time he played a pivotal role.
Still picking up pieces from my broken youth, I spoke the truth.
"You sound just like your mother! What the hell did she do to you?"
She explained that he wouldn't love me, he never could.
But life is taught through experience, and I understood.
"These feelings have to be felt!" I would keep telling myself.
Seeing this addicted drug dealer extort all of his sales.
One customer was my uncle. I watched all this shit happen.
He coaxed him to give up the purchased stash from the attic.
I turned a cheek. Second strike. Not sure if I should be here,
Faking the feeling of welcome by his baby momma and yeah,
He had two sons with this bitch. I was clearly the black sheep.
I wasn't a factor. Bun in the oven had me taking the back seat.
"Don't worry, you can live with me..." he said. I was so glad!
Now I'm looking for jobs just to get him a little dope cash.
He demanded I get welfare to help the family out.
I qualified and passed the quiz, and they maxed my account.
300 in stamps, 300 cash... monthly workshops for a job search.
The Walmart worker salivated when he heard how much his pawn was worth.
"Fuck." He's just gonna use me like the countless women he cuddled.
No respect for his own blood... offspring are just prey in the jungle.
"No. I ain't doing this." My self talk in the rain helped me home.
One look at me and he saw something had changed, "Something wrong?"
"Yea. I'm rolling out." I said in a timid tone, confidence up...

"What?!"

Angry, I snapped, "I don't owe you shit! Hell, nobody does!"
He was in complete shock as I left the house with my bags,
to live atop a church with my pregnant sis, paying her hospital tab.
Months later I asked about Dad and they said he violated parole.
Failed a piss test at Walmart. A son was born he wasn't able to hold.
Thank god! That kid now has a chance to be a man, unfaltered.
That ordeal made me swear to be the best possible father.

[Adonis]

2tripple0's verse





So because the rule says that feeding this verse
speakin to a mouse say his mommas cooking a fat bird
I know his church well last afternoon he sailed to Alaska
Im indie like a roof adjurned furious flight of his wind
site of his grinnns gyrmm there ain no storie to tell
im like the liberty bell I hit the clock at twelve
woke this gun happy I swear his tool is a wrench
im a man you say things just so that ya raps ignite
my bright eye looking glass though its look out
about much nothing in the air like a sinister plot
build out of a dot though id attack and supply
back of his dome I even thought his evening put him inside
but time wasnt left it was already the end of the night
my best friend in my life started fingerin the apparatus
it was made of metal he said he wanted to keep it
its a piece of metal why theres no reason to get if fixed
life speaks for itself I am twotripple happy to know you
start getting used to it im a sap with no dew light blue
it was rap I never heard of and don't don't know
#im a clue this the reason to the ryhyme bright shades
made inside of caves work the lawyer and reply to the thread


die on the net ive heard shit from every corner
and I never ever went to be lost in his honor
stick it like Braintree there was a liquor store
I was like is that the same bear scare ya missed ya faire
stripped the elevators and decides it was popular
to indict excellence superb freeman my sleuth
in the booth jon wilkes just differ repute its baby ruth#
im on a different terrain it like playing not nowhere
but a reluctant way to return his devices at the time
this songs better its pieces handled tyrants my last dice
im twice as big as a used to be and my momma
I ended up serving two terms of that bay in concord
it was the last time I ever did something I had control of
and I just caught the biggest reputation hes swinging like berbatov
ya rhymes are lot better than the rest of this song
we just don't see it thtaat way but u fake like imagination
annotation im predating the recess of that indication
that's why I had trouble giving you the rest of the verse
hes proud yeah of what comes from this rant absurd
nothing concerns the pressure that came with a hole
the only thing remaining in its principle the physical

[Adonis]

@2tripple0 can you post you're topic? I know it was different

[2tripple0]

[Woke]

Not much time here sorry. I enjoyed the writing of Vivid though it's a bit muddled as to who the kid and father are. Incest clearly happened and from what I can tell is you just explained a cycle, the kid wanted to be a good dad but ended up being like his? Only say that because the beginning lines reflected the ending, either that or you changed characters, highly unlikely. Either way it was a solid read with good mechanics, just not the clearest execution regarding concept. Trips, what the fuck was this man? A story inside a story inside your mind. Cool concept, not very good execution. From the numerous grammatical errors to the way you jumped around in time zones and mind states made this a difficult read. This would be a hard concept to pull off for anyone so good job on creating it, but that's as far as you went this week.


V/vivid for the better verse overall.

[Razah]

sigh.

Who was Vivid supposed to battle?


The story was cool in Vivid's verse, probably the only thing I really liked about it. As far as the rhyming, mechanics, I wasn't too impressed to be honest.

2K, what were you thinking? A lot of shit didn't rhyme. Some shit was even hard to read because it just didn't make sense grammatically. I dunno.. pretty easy vote for me here

vvivid

[UnbornBuddha]

Short vote:
Vividly got this. Tripple0 seems to have wrote a long exposition, nevertheless I could not understand the full meaning of some of the lines due to contamination by grammatical deficiencies. Vivid wrote a complete piece with obvious coherency, so he gets the win here.

[asylum]

2k u really need to work on coherence bro. Stick to some basic rhyme schemes and actually rhyme from line to line.... think about an instant in time and describe it. If youre going to battle u need to brain storm about what you will be writing about and stick to it.

Mvgt Vivid, your piece was ill bro. Did a great job telling your story, flow was fresh. I definitely think this is some real life shit from you. Thats dope you can bring it real like that.. I enjoyed this piece and appreciate you took the time for a full drop. My bad vote is weak bro im on my tablet right now.

[timeless]

Viv got this easily. Mechanics were clawed at times but still an overall solid read. I really don't know wtf goes on in trips mind but its a trip for sure. I don't even think he knows tvh just rolling in the wind and shit. I've critiqued his verses plenty before and he never wants advice so yeah keep writing I guess.

V. Vivid


If u need more depth I'll edit this later