Week 15: (4-1) MMLP vs. (3-7) Timeless - MMLP 5-3

Adonis · 10-31-2015, 11:28 AM

AOWL Season V, Week 15

SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here!

Topic:"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under all the weight of the lives I'm not living"

G/Luck

@timeless @MMLP

timeless · 10-31-2015, 12:09 PM

Check

MMLP · 11-01-2015, 12:25 AM

Petr cech

timeless · 11-01-2015, 12:27 AM

Oh word

timeless · 11-03-2015, 09:28 AM

My vision is black, empty but plenty voices I hear.
They've made it clear that I have many choices of fear.
Said I wouldn't make it, that my entire existence was makeshift.
Can't breathe properly, plus I aquired constricted blood platelets.
Need to get out of here fast, have to find a new place to start.
I hear the voices again all around me saying, "I will name him Mark."
Bones aching under the weight of the lives I'm not living.
Wishing for a chance to see the light I've been missing.

Watching the walls close in have been a monotonous routine.
Mind state steady hazed, a skyline with a metropolis unseen.
Fogged and drifting free, waiting for death in the dark.
I feel I can't breathe on my own, stress pressed on my heart.
Nine months have came and went, and here I still sit in this bubble.
I must have a place to vent before I start shit and get in trouble.
I hear that on the outside, people get scared so they adore Jesus.
To that i say, 'Amen!' Its hard out here for an unborn fetus

"Here's the baby! All ten pounds and six ounces of him!'
The doctor made her way to Mark's mom, "He has risks of down syndrome."
In disbelief she replied, "I'm sorry to hear that." Then she nearly cried.
Mark's mother muttered, "Its partly from years past, my deepest fear inside."
Doc caught her eyes and sighed, "What do you mean by that?"
"Too much weed and Jack, even ended up a fiend for crack."
"That's a shame." She stood back so her safety hadn't failed.
Mark's mom looked pasty and pale, "Doc, did you know my baby has a tail?"

MMLP · 11-03-2015, 04:23 PM

Secluded in my territory, but I'm right at home.
It would forever haunt me as time would flow.
That the life imposed on me, caged me back.
With a striking pose full of heinous acts,
I could make them laugh or make them cry
with my stainless mask i'd escape behind.
The stakes were high when in my garden
with laser strikes for a list of targets
that hit my market with pin point precision
In the mist and darkness I toyed with prisms.
An annoying vision would play on me,
my voice was missing when i came to speak
and made me see how why my temper erupts
Frustrating me so whoever would come
to my neck of the woods became my enemy
I'd dispense them of blood as i leapt from trees
Fueled by jealously, groaning with roars
A defined legacy with trophies as skulls
Their bones were rewards for my effort of sin
As closely they'd draw, they never detected a thing,
when letting them think their journey was fine
These Predator instincts that alerted my mind
A curse and disguise, so often enraging me
but over time,
All I heard was the cries of a human.. i craved to be.

sral · 11-04-2015, 10:03 AM

BUMP!

Exis · 11-05-2015, 01:11 AM

Fuck...ahh this is nice on both sides, you guys would be tight on a collab...Wow this is a hard one smh.

I thought content wise things were pretty even, I like both verses equally in that regard...flow was solid, imagery was there.I felt y'all approached the topic well & delivered us two solid reads...it's difficult to separate but it's the schemes & word usage from the second cat that decides things for me...

Vote - MMLP

Stay upwards.

Flow · 11-05-2015, 05:13 AM

Content wise id say your pretty equal bit i enjoyed timeless more.

As for everything else.. mmlp went with a lot quicker type flow. His stuff i was literally rappong on some suma duma luma shit but it just became a bit choppy in places which ruined the whole thing for me and the rhymes were quite basic. I enjoyed reading it but my vote will have to go for timeless on quality

Vote timeless

2tripple0 · 11-05-2015, 02:59 PM

I felt like timeless came with the same style verse that hes been dropping for that past couple weeks at least in this league except he was much better here for this week for a long time........but for me mmlp came with a simple rhyme scheme and his structure was doper for me too I just felt like timeless was too generic when it came to his verse and it hurt him also wasnt feeling the twist at the end just wasnt really that lmao type of flow he was searching for.......so all in all im giving my vote to mmlp for a doper structure and simple rhyme schemes.....

vote MMLP

e11even · 11-05-2015, 10:36 PM

timeless- that last stanza tho. "unborn fetus" was the conclusion of normality lol. that shit got twisted fast. I liked this drop and liked your pacing in waiting to expose the tail/tell. I think was a cool take on the topic and you rhymed fundamentally and consistently with maybe one or two syllables off here and there. overall solid work. good job bro.

mmlp- the reveal was nice. that single element elevated this piece to another level. your rhyming was solid as per your trademark, and the story was steady and concise. I liked that you kept it short because it began to droll a little right before you reignited the piece with the idea that kept it together. way to go.

both guys had a sort of surprise at the end, and both rhymed fairly well with solid storytelling mechanics and structure. This time around it comes down to who made the bigger overall impact. The small scale nature of the beginning made the tell more of a highlight and as a result MVGT MMLP for the slightly cooler piece.

asylum · 11-05-2015, 11:10 PM

Timeless – I really enjoyed your first stanzas, the flow kinda died off in the beginning of the third and I wasn’t truly feeling the conclusion. I think quotations are very dangerous, not sure they worked so well for you. My favorite lines..
Watching the walls close in have been a monotonous routine.
Mind state steady hazed, a skyline with a metropolis unseen.
Fogged and drifting free, waiting for death in the dark.
I feel I can't breathe on my own, stress pressed on my heart
I also really liked, “it’s hard out here for an unborn fetus.” You really hammered your angle home, which I think I could benefit from doing more, so kudos for that. All in all you had some good rhymes and the story was pretty good but the final moments needed some refining.

Mmlp – So the predator is really a misunderstood jelly type? Lol. That’s why he’s always mimicking them, like he does. Pretty funny actually. Your brevity worked for you here because your story was pretty clear and honest. Favorite lines..
I could make them laugh or make them cry
with my stainless mask i'd escape behind.
The stakes were high when in my garden
with laser strikes for a list of targets
Good development, great tie into the movies. I think your this would have been helped by some more content. You really didn’t write too much..

MVGT – timeless because his piece is original and mmlp’s was really brief and relied upon another persons work. If mmlp had developed his piece more and created his own storyline, I would have given him the nod because of his amusing approach. But timeless created his own moments very well and imho I think he deserves the win this week. His mechanics were also far superior. Good battle tho.

CopyPat · 11-06-2015, 01:39 AM

oh fuck off...
this is way too close. fack.
first read over i had timeless. second reread i have mmlp..idunno
obviously you could tell what timeless was doing in his verse and i thought the idea was really good. his mom's life so drastically affecting his cause obv baby. fuckin really good idea on this topic. i give real props to that. the wriitng was solid. nothing really TOO crazy mechanically but well done for sure

mmlp i was pretty underwhelmed with ur verse at first, and i didn't get the weird references with lasers and prisms and i was liek wtf u talkin bout willis? but then yeah predator. re-read. brought that shit TO LYFE, g. again really cool interpretation of the topic. flow was good. ppl are saying the flow was simple but theyre fucka idiots ur flowing the whole line a lot of the time so yeah RESPEK.

goddamnit i literally still don't know who im voting for.. this shit is so close.
hmmm, *scanning records. who need the win more?? jk, but srsly...ummmm
k i have decided
Vote: Deadman
he usually wins
k i actually got it. i liked both ideas a lot. good job. writing wise very very close as well. content wise. i have to say i enjoyed mmlp's more after re-reading and knowing it was predator it was a really cool interesting and fresh original piece. the end of urs timeless was maybe a tad too weird. wasn't really feeling the tail part. and ur line before about something with safety didnt really make sense to me and was a bit of a force to make ur last line rhyme. yes nitpicking but when this close i gotta point out something. also earlier u ur verse u coulda rhymed get into trouble but u just said get in trouble and u needed that tiny extra syllable to make it flow perfectly. for some reason that litle bullshit is sticking out to me too. sorry, normally would never bring that up but this shit is literally like 51-49 for mmlp

Good battle guys. enjoyed this one. too bad someone had to lose. also thanks for making ur shit interesting AND short. fuckin perfect. awesome

Vote MMLP by a cunt hair. mostly down to i simply enjoyed the read a little bit more.
Good show.

The Law · 11-06-2015, 01:42 AM

Timeless - Really nice verse and I liked your approach on this. Good wording and a smooth readability from start to finish. There were a few quotables I had regarding the imagery and wording in some of the lines. Loved the whole closing section, especially that last bar to close the verse off. Overall I thought it was a unique and original take on the topic and you stayed with it well. It had great progression and left myself as a reader satisfied.

MMLP - Another decent take on this topic. I liked the predator take. What really shined out in your verse for me was the rhythm and flow. It was very nicely written for that aspect, the lines were short, sweet and compact and read great. On the flip side, some of it was a bit simplistic when it came to the wording, thought there could have been a bit more detail and/or some quotable lines thrown through the verse.

MVGT: Timeless - Going to be a battle that comes out real close at the end of it. I can see how this can go either way for anyone that reads it. Both had very creative approaches and great writing in their verses. I just really enjoyed Timeless's approach on this topic and some of his imagery pushed it a bit more over the top for me. Great job guys. Nice battle to read.

Adonis · 11-06-2015, 08:13 PM

MMLP up 4-3

Leaving this open while I create match ups if people who owe votes want to drop something

@Frank @Razah @YDK @Ullr

Razah · 11-06-2015, 08:28 PM

Uh, not a big fan of timeless' verse this time around.

I can't really explain it, I just didn't "feel" it. The verse was cool, but like I said, nothing really stuck to me. From previous verses of yours I can remember, this is probably the weakest one I've read from you. I usually like the shit you write, not that this was written bad, it just didn't have that little 'umph'

MMLP, I liked how you went with short lines. It kept shit moving along well, flowed pretty smooth, the take on the topic was on point, good verse. One thing I disliked, which, can't nothing really be done about, was how bad skulls / roars didn't rhyme for me... buuttt, I bet that's an accent thing. Anyways, good stuff.

This battle kind of surprised me. Figured timeless would take this based on previous verses, but MMLP dropped a better verse.

vMMLP

10-31-2015, 11:28 AM	#1
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946446	Week 15: (4-1) MMLP vs. (3-7) Timeless - MMLP 5-3 AOWL Season V, Week 15 SUMMARY OF RULES: Verses are due Tuesday at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London There are NO extensions. Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words). Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week. All competitors must vote on THREE battles Read the full rules here! Topic:"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under all the weight of the lives I'm not living" G/Luck @timeless @MMLP __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 11-06-2015 at 08:38 PM.

11-03-2015, 04:23 PM	#6
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 600 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768087	I must be one ugly mother fer* Secluded in my territory, but I'm right at home. It would forever haunt me as time would flow. That the life imposed on me, caged me back. With a striking pose full of heinous acts, I could make them laugh or make them cry with my stainless mask i'd escape behind. The stakes were high when in my garden with laser strikes for a list of targets that hit my market with pin point precision In the mist and darkness I toyed with prisms. An annoying vision would play on me, my voice was missing when i came to speak and made me see how why my temper erupts Frustrating me so whoever would come to my neck of the woods became my enemy I'd dispense them of blood as i leapt from trees Fueled by jealously, groaning with roars A defined legacy with trophies as skulls Their bones were rewards for my effort of sin As closely they'd draw, they never detected a thing, when letting them think their journey was fine These Predator instincts that alerted my mind A curse and disguise, so often enraging me but over time, All I heard was the cries of a human.. i craved to be.

11-04-2015, 10:03 AM	#7
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,255 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	BUMP! __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

11-05-2015, 02:59 PM	#10
2tripple0 death warmed over Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Downstairs illstreet dam Posts: 2,564 Battle Record: 6-21 Rep Power: 0	I felt like timeless came with the same style verse that hes been dropping for that past couple weeks at least in this league except he was much better here for this week for a long time........but for me mmlp came with a simple rhyme scheme and his structure was doper for me too I just felt like timeless was too generic when it came to his verse and it hurt him also wasnt feeling the twist at the end just wasnt really that lmao type of flow he was searching for.......so all in all im giving my vote to mmlp for a doper structure and simple rhyme schemes..... vote MMLP __________________ https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/

11-05-2015, 10:36 PM	#11
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247256	timeless- that last stanza tho. "unborn fetus" was the conclusion of normality lol. that shit got twisted fast. I liked this drop and liked your pacing in waiting to expose the tail/tell. I think was a cool take on the topic and you rhymed fundamentally and consistently with maybe one or two syllables off here and there. overall solid work. good job bro. mmlp- the reveal was nice. that single element elevated this piece to another level. your rhyming was solid as per your trademark, and the story was steady and concise. I liked that you kept it short because it began to droll a little right before you reignited the piece with the idea that kept it together. way to go. both guys had a sort of surprise at the end, and both rhymed fairly well with solid storytelling mechanics and structure. This time around it comes down to who made the bigger overall impact. The small scale nature of the beginning made the tell more of a highlight and as a result MVGT MMLP for the slightly cooler piece. __________________ Ahem.

10-31-2015, 12:09 PM	#2
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,627 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341325	Check

11-01-2015, 12:25 AM	#3
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 600 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768087	Petr cech

11-01-2015, 12:27 AM	#4
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,627 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341325	Oh word

11-03-2015, 09:28 AM	#5
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,627 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341325	My vision is black, empty but plenty voices I hear. They've made it clear that I have many choices of fear. Said I wouldn't make it, that my entire existence was makeshift. Can't breathe properly, plus I aquired constricted blood platelets. Need to get out of here fast, have to find a new place to start. I hear the voices again all around me saying, "I will name him Mark." Bones aching under the weight of the lives I'm not living. Wishing for a chance to see the light I've been missing. Watching the walls close in have been a monotonous routine. Mind state steady hazed, a skyline with a metropolis unseen. Fogged and drifting free, waiting for death in the dark. I feel I can't breathe on my own, stress pressed on my heart. Nine months have came and went, and here I still sit in this bubble. I must have a place to vent before I start shit and get in trouble. I hear that on the outside, people get scared so they adore Jesus. To that i say, 'Amen!' Its hard out here for an unborn fetus "Here's the baby! All ten pounds and six ounces of him!' The doctor made her way to Mark's mom, "He has risks of down syndrome." In disbelief she replied, "I'm sorry to hear that." Then she nearly cried. Mark's mother muttered, "Its partly from years past, my deepest fear inside." Doc caught her eyes and sighed, "What do you mean by that?" "Too much weed and Jack, even ended up a fiend for crack." "That's a shame." She stood back so her safety hadn't failed. Mark's mom looked pasty and pale, "Doc, did you know my baby has a tail?"

11-05-2015, 01:11 AM	#8
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Fuck...ahh this is nice on both sides, you guys would be tight on a collab...Wow this is a hard one smh. I thought content wise things were pretty even, I like both verses equally in that regard...flow was solid, imagery was there.I felt y'all approached the topic well & delivered us two solid reads...it's difficult to separate but it's the schemes & word usage from the second cat that decides things for me... Vote - MMLP Stay upwards.

11-05-2015, 05:13 AM	#9
Flow Upset Champion Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: West Mids Posts: 3,861 Battle Record: 57-49 Accomplishments - 50 Wins Champed - BA Rookie Tourney - 1-2 Punch League (x2) - Pandemonium Cypher - 1-2 Punch league Season 9 Rep Power: 24894578	Content wise id say your pretty equal bit i enjoyed timeless more. As for everything else.. mmlp went with a lot quicker type flow. His stuff i was literally rappong on some suma duma luma shit but it just became a bit choppy in places which ruined the whole thing for me and the rhymes were quite basic. I enjoyed reading it but my vote will have to go for timeless on quality Vote timeless

11-05-2015, 11:10 PM	#12
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 993 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214208	Timeless – I really enjoyed your first stanzas, the flow kinda died off in the beginning of the third and I wasn’t truly feeling the conclusion. I think quotations are very dangerous, not sure they worked so well for you. My favorite lines.. Watching the walls close in have been a monotonous routine. Mind state steady hazed, a skyline with a metropolis unseen. Fogged and drifting free, waiting for death in the dark. I feel I can't breathe on my own, stress pressed on my heart I also really liked, “it’s hard out here for an unborn fetus.” You really hammered your angle home, which I think I could benefit from doing more, so kudos for that. All in all you had some good rhymes and the story was pretty good but the final moments needed some refining. Mmlp – So the predator is really a misunderstood jelly type? Lol. That’s why he’s always mimicking them, like he does. Pretty funny actually. Your brevity worked for you here because your story was pretty clear and honest. Favorite lines.. I could make them laugh or make them cry with my stainless mask i'd escape behind. The stakes were high when in my garden with laser strikes for a list of targets Good development, great tie into the movies. I think your this would have been helped by some more content. You really didn’t write too much.. MVGT – timeless because his piece is original and mmlp’s was really brief and relied upon another persons work. If mmlp had developed his piece more and created his own storyline, I would have given him the nod because of his amusing approach. But timeless created his own moments very well and imho I think he deserves the win this week. His mechanics were also far superior. Good battle tho.

11-06-2015, 01:39 AM	#13
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 707 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742221	oh fuck off... this is way too close. fack. first read over i had timeless. second reread i have mmlp..idunno obviously you could tell what timeless was doing in his verse and i thought the idea was really good. his mom's life so drastically affecting his cause obv baby. fuckin really good idea on this topic. i give real props to that. the wriitng was solid. nothing really TOO crazy mechanically but well done for sure mmlp i was pretty underwhelmed with ur verse at first, and i didn't get the weird references with lasers and prisms and i was liek wtf u talkin bout willis? but then yeah predator. re-read. brought that shit TO LYFE, g. again really cool interpretation of the topic. flow was good. ppl are saying the flow was simple but theyre fucka idiots ur flowing the whole line a lot of the time so yeah RESPEK. goddamnit i literally still don't know who im voting for.. this shit is so close. hmmm, *scanning records. who need the win more?? jk, but srsly...ummmm k i have decided Vote: Deadman he usually wins k i actually got it. i liked both ideas a lot. good job. writing wise very very close as well. content wise. i have to say i enjoyed mmlp's more after re-reading and knowing it was predator it was a really cool interesting and fresh original piece. the end of urs timeless was maybe a tad too weird. wasn't really feeling the tail part. and ur line before about something with safety didnt really make sense to me and was a bit of a force to make ur last line rhyme. yes nitpicking but when this close i gotta point out something. also earlier u ur verse u coulda rhymed get into trouble but u just said get in trouble and u needed that tiny extra syllable to make it flow perfectly. for some reason that litle bullshit is sticking out to me too. sorry, normally would never bring that up but this shit is literally like 51-49 for mmlp Good battle guys. enjoyed this one. too bad someone had to lose. also thanks for making ur shit interesting AND short. fuckin perfect. awesome Vote MMLP by a cunt hair. mostly down to i simply enjoyed the read a little bit more. Good show. __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

11-06-2015, 01:42 AM	#14
The Law Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 86 Battle Record: 3-2 Rep Power: 238316	Timeless - Really nice verse and I liked your approach on this. Good wording and a smooth readability from start to finish. There were a few quotables I had regarding the imagery and wording in some of the lines. Loved the whole closing section, especially that last bar to close the verse off. Overall I thought it was a unique and original take on the topic and you stayed with it well. It had great progression and left myself as a reader satisfied. MMLP - Another decent take on this topic. I liked the predator take. What really shined out in your verse for me was the rhythm and flow. It was very nicely written for that aspect, the lines were short, sweet and compact and read great. On the flip side, some of it was a bit simplistic when it came to the wording, thought there could have been a bit more detail and/or some quotable lines thrown through the verse. MVGT: Timeless - Going to be a battle that comes out real close at the end of it. I can see how this can go either way for anyone that reads it. Both had very creative approaches and great writing in their verses. I just really enjoyed Timeless's approach on this topic and some of his imagery pushed it a bit more over the top for me. Great job guys. Nice battle to read. __________________

11-06-2015, 08:13 PM	#15
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946446	MMLP up 4-3 Leaving this open while I create match ups if people who owe votes want to drop something @Frank @Razah @YDK @Ullr __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR

11-06-2015, 08:28 PM	#16
Razah rockkFresh Join Date: Apr 2015 Location: Chicago. Posts: 1,088 Battle Record: 8-10 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 11328542	Uh, not a big fan of timeless' verse this time around. I can't really explain it, I just didn't "feel" it. The verse was cool, but like I said, nothing really stuck to me. From previous verses of yours I can remember, this is probably the weakest one I've read from you. I usually like the shit you write, not that this was written bad, it just didn't have that little 'umph' MMLP, I liked how you went with short lines. It kept shit moving along well, flowed pretty smooth, the take on the topic was on point, good verse. One thing I disliked, which, can't nothing really be done about, was how bad skulls / roars didn't rhyme for me... buuttt, I bet that's an accent thing. Anyways, good stuff. This battle kind of surprised me. Figured timeless would take this based on previous verses, but MMLP dropped a better verse. vMMLP