Nigma (1-1) vs. Rakontur (2-1) [NIGMA 3-1]

Split Eight · 08-29-2015, 02:01 AM

AOWL Season V, Week 7

SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Monday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Tuesday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Thursday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Friday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Read the full rules here!

TOPIC:

To be edited

Good luck!
@Nigma
@Rakontur

Woke · 08-29-2015, 04:55 PM

Will be posting for sure fyi

Nigma · 08-29-2015, 06:12 PM

ㅎㅎ

Split Eight · 08-30-2015, 09:20 AM

[img]http://www.dropoutuk.com/images/***he/articles/2013-11/0b93c18c50a4fde6b5cc34dfd1a742e115e09be7_650x440.j pg[/img]

Nigma · 08-30-2015, 04:43 PM

I keep the pictures face down, it seems to make it easier
We peek around like racing hounds,
we bleed.
Our pain's for leisure?
Sure.
They trained us to complete our work with basic brains and brandished teeth
We laid down our beliefs to further our careers, it's tragedy
Could plant my feet in dirt but move the second that my Chief says words
He speaks in verbs, secreting fervor. Each are heard, some scenes disturb me
He assures us the people murdered were heathens cursing the peace on Earth
Ashamed my tasks all lead to hurt, the gambit to calamity
An angels mask with demons purpose, rambling my rhapsody
Some days I feel I've seen through all the phantoms eyes; the ghastly deeds
To shelf my blackened past I've spawned this addict stance, and cracks my fiend
I'm hammering more keys than locksmiths trapped inside a factory
But actually.... I breathe it, so it seems it might be trapped in me
Piano seeps melodic actions, band the contra, masterpiece.

The taps complete the beat
The people dance to not get hit
The rhythm passes through the skin
The trance, it acts as an abyss

This...
Single soldier symphony is sick, insane, there's sins in it
Eclipse your day to live in shade, I wish to beg forgiveness
And to play the rifts again.. The bravest prisoner
The cage I'm sitting in to save the citizens,
It plagues the rhythm, so it fades to dissonance
The stains are old. Certainly I'm tarnished, this is insight
Live, die, targets of the sharpened edge of Grim's scythe
Just know,
...
Retired soldiers still will wear their garments on the inside
Twisting there resolve into a song so they can live life.

Woke · 08-30-2015, 11:49 PM

Serendipity composed
Harmonized then decomposed
Deathly howls,
Whirring through each blow
Predisposed...
Organs emit a hue that flows
Hewing a passage through each foe
A riffling vitriol
Taking aim,
and spiraling through lost control
Blaring keys that strike a cord
Rifts that rip each primal bone
Breathing life into a poem
Yet leaving death to freely roam
Chilling tunes through Saxophone
Mask the bones that gasp alone
This grueling pitch,
Peaks, til overblown
Screams exceeding baritone
The gauge is high
The range, afar,
Yet can pierce, with a czars, repertoire
It's instrumental to the scene
Shrubs and holes through evergreen
Woodwinds pedaling
Brass pipes plot a chart and...
Leveling
Wilderness of pestilence
Violins of Violence
Lifelessness.

...Music stops...

The flag is flung
A sheet of song
Pale as the horse we met
Repercussion of effect
Souls lost yet gained respect
Soldiers slain
Vocal cords left flat in range
Peaceful sounds that shroud the pain
Quite silence after all
Is just aftermath
Of the music, we exalt

Frank · 08-31-2015, 10:20 AM

MVGT Rakontur

Loved to have had this picture. Straight to the point, felt Nigma took a while to get into the groove, where as Rakontur got right into it. Technically speaking, Nigma wins hands down. Poetically though, Rakontur ran away with it. I think it's super close with Rankontur winning by Nazi eye lash.

Everything taking into consideration, the photo most importantly.

Split Eight · 09-02-2015, 12:04 PM

Up

Mr. J · 09-02-2015, 03:23 PM

Nigma, I was enjoying your piece from the start of it all...
but then I reached the lower section in this quote & was thrown off
I really enjoy the tension you build up to from the start..
but the ride became a tad bumpy towards that little section...

They trained us to complete our work with basic brains and brandished teeth
We laid down our beliefs to further our careers, it's tragedy
Could plant my feet in dirt but move the second that my Chief says words
He speaks in verbs, secreting fervor. Each are heard, some scenes disturb me

^^^
that last part though...if you kept playing off of tragedy it would have been a great transition
I thought you were able to pick it up nicely shortly after that mishap though..
which I thought would have been great had that little misstep been taken out
didn't really enjoy the ghastly deeds twist, but I figured it was cool to work in

To shelf my blackened past I've spawned this addict stance, and cracks my fiend
I'm hammering more keys than locksmiths trapped inside a factory
But actually.... I breathe it, so it seems it might be trapped in me
Piano seeps melodic actions, band the contra, masterpiece.

^^^
I thought that was pretty dope, towards the end you cap it off nicely
this whole verse was sweet & the opening was very nice..
dope work Nigma

Rak, I enjoyed your piece because it was like a stream of thought
that opener could have used a little reworking, but I enjoyed this piece
the string of lines that come at you are nicely worded & easy on the eyes

and spiraling through lost control
Blaring keys that strike a cord
Rifts that rip each primal bone
Breathing life into a poem
Yet leaving death to freely roam

^^^
That felt weird, from their it read to me as a child's book
don't take that in a bad manner, but you stutter from the jump
& continue to stumble but later on you gain your footing back
I enjoy your use of vocab as well it adds to the presentation

The gauge is high
The range, afar,
Yet can pierce, with a czars, repertoire
It's instrumental to the scene
Shrubs and holes through evergreen
Woodwinds pedaling
Brass pipes plot a chart and...
Leveling
Wilderness of pestilence
Violins of Violence
Lifelessness.

^^^^^
I didn't really like the choice of Lifelessness to end this...
but I understand how you tried to work that in...maybe for added effect you should of carried violins of violence with 'the music stops'....lifelessness...
you know what I'm saying? either way it's hard to gripe with this verse
there's a lot said & unsaid that make a perfect blend of ideas & potential
you capitalize on the music approach as I would, and cap off the end nicely..
dope work....

v/This is a tough battle to vote on due to the difference in styles
both came correct as the writers they are, Nigma had quite the showing
as did Rak, both hinge onto different aspects of the picture & make them work
I really enjoy how Nigma went about this with his story, as well as Rak
Rak came out hitting you rapidly with line after line progressing his piece
while Nigma made an effort to paint a picture at the pace of injured jackrabbit
but both came correct, and I'm going to have to favor Nigma this round..
his story came with more depth surrounding a character & story...
as opposed to his opponent who came across quick witted & swift with his pen
but I feel Nigma fleshed it out to a more enjoyable piece

v/Nigma

Flow · 09-03-2015, 08:53 AM

Yo im in the middle of a shift so excuse the lack of content in this vote because both peices deserve more than what I can give.

Nigma had an amazing flow throughout this. I dug the vocabulary and the near effortless and in places complex rhyming scheme. That last section lost the flow a bit which was a shame as left me feeling let down after but that is because the rest of it was so good.

Rak was strong here as well and content wise delivered a more solid peice. I really got into it from the off and it just built on it from the there onwards. My only issue is that nigma flowed so effortlessly I was left comparing it instantly.

All in all both brought it in a different way but on preference of style im voting

NIGMA

2tripple0 · 09-03-2015, 03:00 PM

don't know who to vote for in this duckin nigma came with a more realistic version of a verse that would be nice and probably get my vote because his wording was easier to understand and his flow seemed like it was going somewhere whereas rank I don't know his verse just seemed jumbled a bit and like he was trying to go with a catchy kinda verse and just wrote his shit so that people would vote for him because it was simple and shit like that but I was confused by what his meaning was to his verse and it was a bit vague whereas I felt nigma did a better job of painting a scene and putting background into his verse of a soldier that hung up his boots or whatever I wasn't particularly a fan of the twist at the end of his story but he did a good job conveying his message and better job of doing that compared to his counterpart.... so yeah vote NIGMA

08-29-2015, 06:12 PM	#3
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	ㅎㅎ __________________

08-30-2015, 04:43 PM	#5
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	I keep the pictures face down, it seems to make it easier We peek around like racing hounds, we bleed. Our pain's for leisure? Sure. They trained us to complete our work with basic brains and brandished teeth We laid down our beliefs to further our careers, it's tragedy Could plant my feet in dirt but move the second that my Chief says words He speaks in verbs, secreting fervor. Each are heard, some scenes disturb me He assures us the people murdered were heathens cursing the peace on Earth Ashamed my tasks all lead to hurt, the gambit to calamity An angels mask with demons purpose, rambling my rhapsody Some days I feel I've seen through all the phantoms eyes; the ghastly deeds To shelf my blackened past I've spawned this addict stance, and cracks my fiend I'm hammering more keys than locksmiths trapped inside a factory But actually.... I breathe it, so it seems it might be trapped in me Piano seeps melodic actions, band the contra, masterpiece. The taps complete the beat The people dance to not get hit The rhythm passes through the skin The trance, it acts as an abyss This... Single soldier symphony is sick, insane, there's sins in it Eclipse your day to live in shade, I wish to beg forgiveness And to play the rifts again.. The bravest prisoner The cage I'm sitting in to save the citizens, It plagues the rhythm, so it fades to dissonance The stains are old. Certainly I'm tarnished, this is insight Live, die, targets of the sharpened edge of Grim's scythe Just know, ... Retired soldiers still will wear their garments on the inside Twisting there resolve into a song so they can live life. __________________ Last edited by Nigma; 08-30-2015 at 04:56 PM.

08-30-2015, 11:49 PM	#6
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553418	Serendipity composed Harmonized then decomposed Deathly howls, Whirring through each blow Predisposed... Organs emit a hue that flows Hewing a passage through each foe A riffling vitriol Taking aim, and spiraling through lost control Blaring keys that strike a cord Rifts that rip each primal bone Breathing life into a poem Yet leaving death to freely roam Chilling tunes through Saxophone Mask the bones that gasp alone This grueling pitch, Peaks, til overblown Screams exceeding baritone The gauge is high The range, afar, Yet can pierce, with a czars, repertoire It's instrumental to the scene Shrubs and holes through evergreen Woodwinds pedaling Brass pipes plot a chart and... Leveling Wilderness of pestilence Violins of Violence Lifelessness. ...Music stops... The flag is flung A sheet of song Pale as the horse we met Repercussion of effect Souls lost yet gained respect Soldiers slain Vocal cords left flat in range Peaceful sounds that shroud the pain Quite silence after all Is just aftermath Of the music, we exalt Last edited by Woke; 08-31-2015 at 12:25 AM.

08-31-2015, 10:20 AM	#7
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	MVGT Rakontur Loved to have had this picture. Straight to the point, felt Nigma took a while to get into the groove, where as Rakontur got right into it. Technically speaking, Nigma wins hands down. Poetically though, Rakontur ran away with it. I think it's super close with Rankontur winning by Nazi eye lash. Everything taking into consideration, the photo most importantly. __________________ *VETWORK* Last edited by Frank; 08-31-2015 at 10:23 AM.

09-02-2015, 03:23 PM	#9
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Nigma, I was enjoying your piece from the start of it all... but then I reached the lower section in this quote & was thrown off I really enjoy the tension you build up to from the start.. but the ride became a tad bumpy towards that little section... They trained us to complete our work with basic brains and brandished teeth We laid down our beliefs to further our careers, it's tragedy Could plant my feet in dirt but move the second that my Chief says words He speaks in verbs, secreting fervor. Each are heard, some scenes disturb me ^^^ that last part though...if you kept playing off of tragedy it would have been a great transition I thought you were able to pick it up nicely shortly after that mishap though.. which I thought would have been great had that little misstep been taken out didn't really enjoy the ghastly deeds twist, but I figured it was cool to work in To shelf my blackened past I've spawned this addict stance, and cracks my fiend I'm hammering more keys than locksmiths trapped inside a factory But actually.... I breathe it, so it seems it might be trapped in me Piano seeps melodic actions, band the contra, masterpiece. ^^^ I thought that was pretty dope, towards the end you cap it off nicely this whole verse was sweet & the opening was very nice.. dope work Nigma Rak, I enjoyed your piece because it was like a stream of thought that opener could have used a little reworking, but I enjoyed this piece the string of lines that come at you are nicely worded & easy on the eyes and spiraling through lost control Blaring keys that strike a cord Rifts that rip each primal bone Breathing life into a poem Yet leaving death to freely roam ^^^ That felt weird, from their it read to me as a child's book don't take that in a bad manner, but you stutter from the jump & continue to stumble but later on you gain your footing back I enjoy your use of vocab as well it adds to the presentation The gauge is high The range, afar, Yet can pierce, with a czars, repertoire It's instrumental to the scene Shrubs and holes through evergreen Woodwinds pedaling Brass pipes plot a chart and... Leveling Wilderness of pestilence Violins of Violence Lifelessness. ^^^^^ I didn't really like the choice of Lifelessness to end this... but I understand how you tried to work that in...maybe for added effect you should of carried violins of violence with 'the music stops'....lifelessness... you know what I'm saying? either way it's hard to gripe with this verse there's a lot said & unsaid that make a perfect blend of ideas & potential you capitalize on the music approach as I would, and cap off the end nicely.. dope work.... v/This is a tough battle to vote on due to the difference in styles both came correct as the writers they are, Nigma had quite the showing as did Rak, both hinge onto different aspects of the picture & make them work I really enjoy how Nigma went about this with his story, as well as Rak Rak came out hitting you rapidly with line after line progressing his piece while Nigma made an effort to paint a picture at the pace of injured jackrabbit but both came correct, and I'm going to have to favor Nigma this round.. his story came with more depth surrounding a character & story... as opposed to his opponent who came across quick witted & swift with his pen but I feel Nigma fleshed it out to a more enjoyable piece v/Nigma __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

08-29-2015, 04:55 PM	#2
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553418	Will be posting for sure fyi

09-03-2015, 08:53 AM	#10
Flow Upset Champion Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: West Mids Posts: 3,861 Battle Record: 57-49 Accomplishments - 50 Wins Champed - BA Rookie Tourney - 1-2 Punch League (x2) - Pandemonium Cypher - 1-2 Punch league Season 9 Rep Power: 24894581	Yo im in the middle of a shift so excuse the lack of content in this vote because both peices deserve more than what I can give. Nigma had an amazing flow throughout this. I dug the vocabulary and the near effortless and in places complex rhyming scheme. That last section lost the flow a bit which was a shame as left me feeling let down after but that is because the rest of it was so good. Rak was strong here as well and content wise delivered a more solid peice. I really got into it from the off and it just built on it from the there onwards. My only issue is that nigma flowed so effortlessly I was left comparing it instantly. All in all both brought it in a different way but on preference of style im voting NIGMA

09-03-2015, 03:00 PM	#11
2tripple0 death warmed over Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Downstairs illstreet dam Posts: 2,564 Battle Record: 6-21 Rep Power: 0	don't know who to vote for in this duckin nigma came with a more realistic version of a verse that would be nice and probably get my vote because his wording was easier to understand and his flow seemed like it was going somewhere whereas rank I don't know his verse just seemed jumbled a bit and like he was trying to go with a catchy kinda verse and just wrote his shit so that people would vote for him because it was simple and shit like that but I was confused by what his meaning was to his verse and it was a bit vague whereas I felt nigma did a better job of painting a scene and putting background into his verse of a soldier that hung up his boots or whatever I wasn't particularly a fan of the twist at the end of his story but he did a good job conveying his message and better job of doing that compared to his counterpart.... so yeah vote NIGMA __________________ https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/