gotta break in the return of the lime with this

[oats]

http://thefinitelife.com/2015/02/12/when-in-roam/

you know what it is

[PancakeBrah]

Needs more multi's.

The first thing I noticed, and maybe this is just preference, but I definitely would've started off the piece with the "I'm not a photographer for two reasons" line, and then transition to the fact you took pictures today. I don't know. Grabs the reader, is kind of funny.

I do like how you broke up each paragraph with one of the pictures you (presumably) took that day. It makes the piece feel like the reader's there, next to you, as you take a picture, talk, take a picture, talk, etc. I read too much into things like that, so maybe it wasn't your intent. But I dug it.

I liked your first two paragraphs. They were cohesive and I enjoyed reading them. After then it became more broad. Which isn't bad. It became a more stream-of-conscious type deal once the third paragraph started.

In the end, I got a really 'blog-like' feel to this piece. A bit more personal and self-involved (not in the negative connotation) than the other entries I've read from you. Kind of idle, this. A tiny bit scatter shot, with faintly seen through lines. Kind of an affirmation of your feelings and self in this setting in the end. I enjoyed reading it, and the thoughts were clear. Maybe I just expected a little more or something? My natural mode is to nitpick though. Thanks for the read.

[Witty]

i wish i had the self esteem to write things i think but my mind just calls me stupid and i make up stories about killers and stuff instead because easy.

[PancakeBrah]

Originally Posted by Witty

i wish i had the self esteem to write things i think but my mind just calls me stupid and i make up stories about killers and stuff instead because easy.

This, too.

I respect your efforts with blogging and trying to get published.

[oats]

Originally Posted by Dancake

Needs more multi's.

The first thing I noticed, and maybe this is just preference, but I definitely would've started off the piece with the "I'm not a photographer for two reasons" line, and then transition to the fact you took pictures today. I don't know. Grabs the reader, is kind of funny.

I do like how you broke up each paragraph with one of the pictures you (presumably) took that day. It makes the piece feel like the reader's there, next to you, as you take a picture, talk, take a picture, talk, etc. I read too much into things like that, so maybe it wasn't your intent. But I dug it.

I liked your first two paragraphs. They were cohesive and I enjoyed reading them. After that it became more broad. Which isn't bad. It became a more stream-of-conscious type deal once the third paragraph started.

In the end, I got a really 'blog-like' feel to this piece. A bit more personal and self-involved (not in the negative connotation) than the other entries I've read from you. Kind of idle, this. A tiny bit scatter shot, with faintly seen through lines. Kind of an affirmation of your feelings and self in this setting in the end. I enjoyed reading it, and the thoughts were clear. Maybe I just expected a little more or something? My natural mode is to nitpick though. Thanks for the read.

those are all very valid. truthfully, my usual pieces have lately been submitted to other journals and magazines, so I'm waiting to hear back before I throw them on the blog (otherwise, they are automatically disqualified, since most places want previously unpublished work). This was basically a rough draft that I blurbed on my phone while walking around, and I didn't want to neglect the blog too much. appreciate the critique and the read, as always.

@Witty those are cool stories, too. I'm no model to emulate, but ultimately I feel like if you're thinking those thoughts, someone else is too, and they would appreciate seeing it from someone else. In fact, that's the subject of an essay I'm working on called "It's Not Just You."

[Wise Wiggles]

Whoops

[Wise Wiggles]

"And the ritual goes: same window, different visual."








Good work though Oatsmeals. All I can say is, like everything; practice makes not even close to perfect, but we can pretend! Lol.

[oats]

those are dope, @Wise Wiggles. I don't have much of an interest to become skilled in photography, but I do enjoy snapping pictures from time to time. mostly of my dog