Over

Exis · 11-14-2014, 01:20 AM

Aye,

I'm over you niggas wantin' longer pieces
over bitches tellin' me you need a longer penis
I'm over every fuckin' wrongful being
that horribly writes,
postin' shit to whom supposedly likes it
and isn't down for coppin' a beatin' like an officer might
I'm over the cockiest type of idiot
like my posture is high
I'm over the top...what?
cloned as Optimus Prime, optics are froze
on those
who've forgotten they side
my foes are on some peripheral type shit when I pivot it right
I'm over any obstacle whilst you can't conquer the height
my esophagus fires shit that's more than overly hot
I'm over the time I've wasted
feelin' emotionally lost
over the masturbatin',
I'm over your craft you wanker, over the past
and makin'
my way to a place
where I'm noticed and known as greatness
I'm over this fuckin' pain in my ass
straight up over your anus
yet never over maimin' one's face
'til it's deranged you basehead
and shit is smeared all over the place
I'm over how partin' you tastes
used to love how you were
seperatin' your limbs, a part of me's in
let's have a party within
now I'm over every part of your face
I'm over skinny jeans,
over limousines,
over gettin' outta the bitch
with screamin' teens like they've Beiber seen
surroundin' the fricken thing like I've done shouted them dick
I'm over every black tryna make this a nigga scene
and over every cracker not knowin' what a wigga be
I'm over that,
this and the other my brother
I'm over folks into fuckin' they're mother
I'm over your rags, over the tone that you have
if nothin' is uttered
when I'm on the phone with your ass
I'll crawl up over your fence,
I'm over openin' gates to lay this home to rest
I'm over the elbow brushin' when I walk in a club
over bouncers roughin' me up like they be lookin' for guns
over the stares that I'm gettin' when I is wearin' a hoody
over the rare adolescent into slittin' their wrist
'cause no one cares for this pussy,
I'm over givin' a shit.

El Muffin · 11-14-2014, 01:57 AM

this was dope to me

im w/ you 100% on some of that shit srsly

Geno · 11-15-2014, 10:47 AM

Format was cool. Broke the scheme to an actual precise style. I mean.. pretty easily read outloud and the line breaks gave it good rhythm. Had some cool ideas in it. I think you should work on a more aggressive approach. Just in the words you use. I mean i see wyat your saying. I just think harsber words would bring a more impactful outcome for the reader.

H4ZE · 11-15-2014, 02:04 PM

This was pretty sick, had a dope flow, fit for audio imo. Was structured in a cool way, I feel you 100 percent on some of the stuff you said so props on keepin it real. Rhyme schemes were pretty sick throughout. Onlything I would say to work on improving on would be your wording. Imo some of the wording came off as awkward, when a simple rewording would've helped it out, nothing to bad though cuz I really enjoyed this. Good work. Keep at it. Peace.

11-14-2014, 01:20 AM	#1
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Over Aye, I'm over you niggas wantin' longer pieces over bitches tellin' me you need a longer penis I'm over every fuckin' wrongful being that horribly writes, postin' shit to whom supposedly likes it and isn't down for coppin' a beatin' like an officer might I'm over the cockiest type of idiot like my posture is high I'm over the top...what? cloned as Optimus Prime, optics are froze on those who've forgotten they side my foes are on some peripheral type shit when I pivot it right I'm over any obstacle whilst you can't conquer the height my esophagus fires shit that's more than overly hot I'm over the time I've wasted feelin' emotionally lost over the masturbatin', I'm over your craft you wanker, over the past and makin' my way to a place where I'm noticed and known as greatness I'm over this fuckin' pain in my ass straight up over your anus yet never over maimin' one's face 'til it's deranged you basehead and shit is smeared all over the place I'm over how partin' you tastes used to love how you were seperatin' your limbs, a part of me's in let's have a party within now I'm over every part of your face I'm over skinny jeans, over limousines, over gettin' outta the bitch with screamin' teens like they've Beiber seen surroundin' the fricken thing like I've done shouted them dick I'm over every black tryna make this a nigga scene and over every cracker not knowin' what a wigga be I'm over that, this and the other my brother I'm over folks into fuckin' they're mother I'm over your rags, over the tone that you have if nothin' is uttered when I'm on the phone with your ass I'll crawl up over your fence, I'm over openin' gates to lay this home to rest I'm over the elbow brushin' when I walk in a club over bouncers roughin' me up like they be lookin' for guns over the stares that I'm gettin' when I is wearin' a hoody over the rare adolescent into slittin' their wrist 'cause no one cares for this pussy, I'm over givin' a shit.

11-14-2014, 01:57 AM	#2
El Muffin DOHpe since 02' Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Surrounded by white ppl Posts: 14,690 Battle Record: 43-24 Champed - Netcees Battle League - 1-2 Punch Onslaught - 1-2 Punch League - Hot or Thot Roast - Hot or Thot 2018 - Fight Night 11 - NPL Roast Rep Power: 34230535	this was dope to me im w/ you 100% on some of that shit srsly __________________ It’s like weed in Highschool- w/ the cans I’ll smoke you Bitch I floss . I Got the chain out to see like Constantinople

11-15-2014, 10:47 AM	#3
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	Format was cool. Broke the scheme to an actual precise style. I mean.. pretty easily read outloud and the line breaks gave it good rhythm. Had some cool ideas in it. I think you should work on a more aggressive approach. Just in the words you use. I mean i see wyat your saying. I just think harsber words would bring a more impactful outcome for the reader. __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

11-15-2014, 02:04 PM	#4
H4ZE Member Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Florida Posts: 77 Battle Record: 1-2 Rep Power: 0	This was pretty sick, had a dope flow, fit for audio imo. Was structured in a cool way, I feel you 100 percent on some of the stuff you said so props on keepin it real. Rhyme schemes were pretty sick throughout. Onlything I would say to work on improving on would be your wording. Imo some of the wording came off as awkward, when a simple rewording would've helped it out, nothing to bad though cuz I really enjoyed this. Good work. Keep at it. Peace.