Week 4 - Red Glare vs Nigma - N WINS

[Mike Wrecka]

Memo week 4.
Greetings competitors, we move to a fairly standard challenge this week, in response to the number of no-shows and the fact that some people claimed to have struggled with the last challenge. LEGAL LATIN WEEK, you are required to write in response to the short phrase you are given. The Latin thing is just to make it slightly more interesting than a regular phrase. You can treat this writing exercise the same way you would treat writing to a quote topic etc if you want to. Find below your match-ups and specific tasks.

Specific Task - Quantum meruit

Due date - Wednesday 23:59 PST
Voting Period Ends - Sunday 23:59 PST

Good luck @Red glare @Nigma

[Nigma]

check

[Nigma]

Will you be joining me this week @Red glare

[Nigma]

Hung Jury
Quantum Meruit - "as much as he deserved

It seems so stupid, each of you were teaching me to keep on moving
Piece of you two deep within me, reach, pursue the means to do it
Leave me heaped in ruins.. DO IT! Even Jesus needed grieving room
Theres no complete removal of the scenic view
Seeing you in breathing tubes
Eats me as it ate you two
Laced with grief that's screaming loose
Deep in June, from bladder cancer, grandpa was the first to fall
My father was the worst of frauds so gramps reserved his worth in heart
Which burst apart, my coming date of birth was hard
Something paints on hurt like scars, a burst of tar
I'm burnt and charred but left you with a poem penned of thoughts
Unread, your gone, no rescue, said "I love you like a father.
Die with honor and I won't forget you."
Ten dimensions western dead discuss when comes my turn to sleep
The gavel slamming, hands me closure
Hold it and you'll earn your keep

"EMERGENCY! You need to see her, please! Before her health fades
She held you in devout faith, don't doubt the way she helped raise you"
Words come from the mouth of each the kids that she had found faithful
Didn't get around to make it, basically I'm sounding jaded
Hatred free in countless ways, was young when you begun embracing
And no love had faded on the day I found out we weren't blood related
None escapes the crime of sins, the type of shit we try to limit
Still I don't know why I did, why decline her dying wishes
Wish I didn't let it change, grimaces, perspectives fading
Hadn't been the best of late but I don't fix or set it straight
Infestered, seams will end withered, seems as if I'm dead living
The dead women wanted to make peace before she rested in it

[Red glare]

The auditorium is packed with first year students reporting for class
José’s’ book bags empty – Jansport on his back –
The same book bag he had through high school; contorted, the straps - historically black
Going back to school in late August is wack.
Especially for a Quantum Physics class you signed up for only cause the other courses were maxed.
José sat in the back, far left corner – next to the door – on the next floor – in the back
The professor cordially asks the audience/class if their August was a blast – and hoarsely laughs – choking on dust from the chalk boards – poorly stored in wraps -
old scores still visible from the erasers back and forth attack
– wet cloth –
69, 93, 74…..40… Evaporating before the class on the boards shellac.

José was an honor student from a farm town – north on the map
He came from a school of 2000 students – graduated 4th in his class.
His parents worked him like the fields – forced him to adapt;
Every important task; tracking his progress like the corn field thorns in the patch.
He was accepted to Universidad de Barcelona; his family deported him
At last. .
José was going to college, first in the family
– go forge with the frats'
His little sister says – "I’m taking your room" like an adorable brat
Over 50 thousand students on campus now he's just a dwarf in the back.
Former Valedictorian - now he’s no more than a slack.
. .
These mathematical formulations are abstract.................

The quantization of energy levels follows from this constraint on k and cause a
. . .
. .
Crap.
He's snoring
Awoken by an amplified voice
He yawns from his nap
"Mr. José Couvades – are you bored already – perhaps you should be escorted from the class."
José shouted something in Spanish – and 50 students joined together in courtship and laughed
.

Today we’re going to have a pop quiz – its short and it’s fast.
If you fail, we’ll place you in remedial and your scholarships will be stored in the trash
Have a number # 2 pencil - start by filling your name in the form –
And don't forge it" - he yaps
"I’m providing you with scrap paper" and hands out an enormous stack.
The whole auditorium sorts and pass, sorts and pass.
. .
José can't afford to fail so he resorted to tactics to assure that he pass.
It wasn’t cheating, more of a pact –
By any means necessary –
sworn in a tat; surrounded by Chinese letters; foreign, in fact -
José never passed a test on his own merit – he relied on the performance of the dork in the back.
the dork reporting the stats.
If the answers C; that's morse code for a tap.
3, each one informing, distorted - in the auditoriums back.
. .
José asks the kid with glasses, if he could copy
“por favor
Please- I am poor at math."
..
The Quantum physics professor ignores the chat -
. .
"Quantum Meruit?– “how much?”
. .
.
"40 cash."
The dork laughs.
Shortly after the quantum physics professor grades the papers; Jose sees his score and reacts.
The Teacher writes
. . .
“what one has earned, is more or less, what they can't afford -
You passed."
..
Only your name isn't Jorge Garcia -

Who forged that?

answers -
name -
all exact.

[Certain]

Nigma: I thought you overrhymed a bit in the first verse. Some of your wording in the first stanza was a bit flawed (using "do it" twice in such proximity, "eats me as it ate you two," "my coming date of birth," etc.), and that threw off the emotion of the piece. The second stanza was much stronger, full of great emotion without sacrificing flow, even as it sacrificed rhyming. Your imposed line limit left your characters seeming thinner than would have been ideal, and the stanzas didn't really connect on a written level, even though they made sense together in terms of content. The break between the two and the stylistic change really made it seem like disconnected verses. I also understood where you were going with the application of the topic but didn't feel those lines were drawn as well as they could have been. I think you bit off a little too much for a 30-line verse (which sucks now that you realize you could have gone longer). A better approach would have been to cut the first stanza entirely and deepen the second.

Red glare: I feel it's worth noting that while I think it was a dirty move to write so long after agreeing to a line limit and also to post two hours late in order to write so long, I'm not going to hold it against you in the context of this vote. This league doesn't have a line limit, and Nigma chose not to disqualify you for being late. But that shit is fucked up. Anyway, the verse was mostly great. It took me about three seconds to figure out your flow, but once I did, I actually liked it. It's sporatic but creative in a way that rhyme schemes usually aren't. I got a little tired of rhyming off the same word so often, which I'm not as big a stickler about as some. I know in many cases it was for effect, but even those instances were overdone. The ending was funny in the smirk kind of way. This whole story basically like a long-winded setup to a joke about someone so stupid he copied a test even on the name line. But there also was some good commentary on the pressure to succeed for poor kids. One random critique: I don't know why you decided to go abroad for this. Almost every reference to college life was distinctly American. The language in the quotes was English. Why bother with the Spain stuff? I thought the tie-in to the topic actually was pretty strong. You showed a lot of range in your form and writing with this thanks to natural diction and an interesting rhyme scheme and a sense of humor. I look forward to reading more. But if you had done this to me, I would have disqualified you.

Vote: Red glare

[Adonis]

Nig - Keystle son. A adopted adult who watches figures die around him, accepting and forgiving and loving those before they pass. Flow was on and off, mostly on but a 2 bars didn't have the best end rhymes in the world. Very short verse, hard to comment on further. I assume you wanted to show so you didn't get zero points, but as its keyed not the most thought provoking verse, esspecially if I consider the standards I hold you to.

Red - solid story, nothing special but win worthy. Solid charcter build up, a bit of a lost art. Good flow, nothing really stands out in this verse bro. Its not bad, but its not ground breaking. Just enough for the win

V/Glare

[Inno]

Ok so im a little saucy so please ecuse the realness.


Red glare.

Good stuff. Technical savy man you are yes sir no doubt about. Great word placement as my eyes follwedfairly easy. Thw scwne you painted was, cool great wemotion greet imagry yo.t
Got to then end...got bored. All of that so he cpuld get caught any way? Good shit im not gpnna lie I was reading intensively. ..but I got to end and I was like bleh.


Nigga

Yo this some dope shit mang thought came with a cool take on the subject. Not to say your opponent didnt just thought yours was a bit freshes after reading both. Couple of bumps here and there nothing
To big or enough to interfere with the story lines progress. Got to the end amd I felt like you wrote a complete piece..I felt like having a cigarette if you know what I mean lol...good shit



Overall.


I got nigma taking this I felt he matched his opponent in the technical aspect
Brought a dope angle to the topic and in my eyes wrote a appealing story. Felt like
Red sorta wrote about nothing. ..atleast nothing that interested me...goos battle


Nig

[patrown]

/v nigma - you painted some emotion on the wall. hard things to deal with. made me think about life. mechanics were top notch. i like the scheme you used, tacking a little something on at the ends for flavor. really, a job well done. at times you could have polished it up a little bit. but what you have here is really clean. nice drop.

red glare - you really switched it up with this one. after i grasped the pieces flow, i liked it more. tbh, i felt like some more inners could have helped. although the story was very descriptive, the end just wasn't believable for me. i felt like you were making a statement i can not comprehend, like the entire piece is a metaphor i can't grasp. i just didn't feel the conclusion. still a good piece. i just felt.. distanced from the main character.

[Pinot Grij]

Nigma, your verse left me the most confounded of all this week. I honestly read it through like 5, 6, 7 times trying to pick up what I felt I was missing. Don't get me wrong, your actual verse wasn't missing anything, it may be because I'm hungover but I had a hard time dealing with how this guy just left this woman to die without any real kind of explanation. In terms of rhyming ability, you merced it obviously... I think another voter critiqued the end rhymes, but I like that kind of play - where its not necessarily done from a lack of ability, but a certain rhyme that purposely jerks you out of the lull of the scheme to force you back into the piece. Your scheme was ridiculous and for me one of the most technical displays this week. So I'm sitting here trying to see what I'm missing and look back at the title... "Hung Jury". Then it clicks, at least for me, I start to see the difference between his feelings towards blood/adopted relatives... male and female.. life and death... good and bad people... for me, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but there were so many binaries at play here... the very things that keep people from taking definitive stances on tough decisions. Hence, Hung Jury. That's what I got out of it, or saw in it. Thanks for making me think.

Red Mist... this is a very inventive topical concept. Very descriptive... you rhyme to keep your piece together, but it doesn't seem forced... at least less forced than usual. The payoff for me wasn't what I wanted it to be... I think once you got to the formula in your verse it kind of fell apart for me, the story didn't stick as well. I don't know if there's any kind of technical feedback I can give you in terms of improvement because your style is so unique, but I just think the story lost me in the end. Also, I have a schoolboy crush on Nigma's verse.

Vote for Nigma