Quarter Finals: Witty vs. Lucipher Howlz [WITTY ADVANCES]

sral · 08-02-2019, 12:46 PM

Witty: No-show aside, it’s good to see you back writing regularly again. I’ve noticed in both rounds so far you’ve gone for a far more emotionally-centered verse over developing a character within a story context, which is interesting to me. When I first looked at the image here, my first thoughts were along the lines of open mindedness and a creative mind - plentiful in its thoughts and figured it would appeal more to the writer within you. By placing it firmly in the realm of depression and anxiety, I think you gave it a really current feel, especially as there are a lot of campaigns right now in and around those direct issues. I’m sure many can relate, in some form, giving it a more universal appeal even if wrote from a singular perspective. The writing is crisp, the rhyming is very well honed and refined and you switch it up on a sixpence which again keeps the reader on their toes without you letting skip. There’s a lot to like, particularly in that first stanza, from a more technically proficient point of view. The writing really bleeds together well, and it wouldn’t surprise me to find it had been a written somewhat on a whim. It’s very natural sounding and unfolds as the reader continues. If anything the character is almost secondary to the emotional aspect here, he doesn’t need fleshing out as such, because the point isn’t to draw too much attention to the character - it’s almost best leaving him as a blank character sketch so that the reader can place many people in its shoes and relate accordingly, to the emotional side; rather than assign it a character it it’s own and make it someone unfamiliar to them. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here that it’s intentional and not just an error of judgement.

As I say, emotionally this one delivered, similarly with my remarks on your submission last round. The conflict at its heart is what drove the story forward, it had a universal relatability that placed it firmly on our doorsteps to look at. It’s a shame Lucifer ended up no showing because this one had potential for BOTW. You deserved to at least get a battle. I hope you aren’t too disheartened to give 100% next round because a motivated Witty could well be a very dangerous one indeed. I see you bruh. Let’s get them finals!

08-02-2019, 12:46 PM	#6
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,260 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	Witty: No-show aside, it’s good to see you back writing regularly again. I’ve noticed in both rounds so far you’ve gone for a far more emotionally-centered verse over developing a character within a story context, which is interesting to me. When I first looked at the image here, my first thoughts were along the lines of open mindedness and a creative mind - plentiful in its thoughts and figured it would appeal more to the writer within you. By placing it firmly in the realm of depression and anxiety, I think you gave it a really current feel, especially as there are a lot of campaigns right now in and around those direct issues. I’m sure many can relate, in some form, giving it a more universal appeal even if wrote from a singular perspective. The writing is crisp, the rhyming is very well honed and refined and you switch it up on a sixpence which again keeps the reader on their toes without you letting skip. There’s a lot to like, particularly in that first stanza, from a more technically proficient point of view. The writing really bleeds together well, and it wouldn’t surprise me to find it had been a written somewhat on a whim. It’s very natural sounding and unfolds as the reader continues. If anything the character is almost secondary to the emotional aspect here, he doesn’t need fleshing out as such, because the point isn’t to draw too much attention to the character - it’s almost best leaving him as a blank character sketch so that the reader can place many people in its shoes and relate accordingly, to the emotional side; rather than assign it a character it it’s own and make it someone unfamiliar to them. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here that it’s intentional and not just an error of judgement. As I say, emotionally this one delivered, similarly with my remarks on your submission last round. The conflict at its heart is what drove the story forward, it had a universal relatability that placed it firmly on our doorsteps to look at. It’s a shame Lucifer ended up no showing because this one had potential for BOTW. You deserved to at least get a battle. I hope you aren’t too disheartened to give 100% next round because a motivated Witty could well be a very dangerous one indeed. I see you bruh. Let’s get them finals! __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)