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Old 07-15-2019, 09:20 PM   #1
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Default Summer Classic Topical: Round 1: 5. Blue Bayou Vs. 12. Adonis [Blue 5-0]








SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
MONDAY JULY 22nd at 11:59P.M. Pacific/West Coast or TUESDAY 2:59 AM Eastern / 7:59 AM TUESDAY Central European/London
MAXIMUM 2 extensions granted upon request in this tournament


Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due THURSDAY at 11:59 p.m. Western Pacific / or FRIDAY 2:59 PM Eastern / 7:59 AM FRIDAY Central European/London Failure to vote will result in negative votes the following round if you win....See rules thread for explanation

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here!



Topic:

Must Check-in by WEDNESDAY July 17th or be replaced


@Blue Bayou
Adonis

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Old 07-22-2019, 04:26 PM   #2
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the sky was ombré, a sad reminder played on the ondes martenots
though our imaginations can take us anywhere, sadly our body parts can not
long gone are days of wonder, that subtle symmetry in youth
we’ll never see a time when misery is through due to the Ministry of Truth
Ampleforth was my brother, known detractor of the modus operendi
I’m scared we’ll suffer the same fate & time is totally against me
all has been seen, call it routine. Big Brother ruling our existence
a brolic regime, diabolical schemes. clemency eschewing with insistence
true thought’s a delusion, discarded and tucked away in an attic
the religious ficticious, Oceania reigns supreme say the fanatics
policing our mind, preaching the rhyme & they speak it so well
hide & go seek, they spy & go speak.. to Big Brother our secrets they tell
Big Brother is watching you! a power as prolific as Oz
enriched in façade they’ve wiped clean the texts & existence of God
humanity torn at the seams, totalitarianism replaced the lord almighty
the flood and the arc changed to propaganda that war is so inviting
buried to never see the surface, not a single speckle of light
faith in divine creation lost in it’s plight consumed in a temple of rights
you’ll never be referred to again, your name will never be seen
God it’s like you’ve never existed, Lord it’s like you never have been
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Dominate Blue has sealed his status as GOAT in my eyes. Like how tf do you write that much and keep that level of quality at the same time? There was barely a miss in that 100 line verse, and plenty of haymakers. Just insane. And he’s been this good for over a decade across multiple sites and styles. No one else is touching that

Last edited by Blue Bayou; 07-22-2019 at 04:51 PM.
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Old 07-23-2019, 10:49 PM   #3
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Static lines transmit such a beautiful hue
A jumbling tube captures my view
Patiently waiting a single glimpse of a boob
Just a youth being aloof, bunny ears search the cue
Imagine imagining, thoughts all come free
Being lost in a breeze watching rustling leaves
A buzzing that beams, natures fluttering wings
Patterning beats, a card tied to spokes, peddles that sing
Think of a dream, cosmic cosmonaut
Lost in a thought, killing time, want to watch?
A knight of the day; each night, new foray
Skipping stones by a lake reflecting moon off a wake
That’s rippling time getting moved by a date
Not a couple but mate, two become one
Ironic cuz, two become three, that child is we
Entertaining can be, a vice or clamp-free
Come, despise the masses like me
Tactics that seek the actionless beings
I pen stories, come see,
Monolithic Monologues
Tune your dial. Let’s BE
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Old 07-24-2019, 05:50 AM   #4
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Blue, first topical ive seen from you, your so profilic in battling so I didn’t know what to expect. the piece is very thoughtful, flows well, very easy to read. the idea of religion being wiped out from humanity is quite thought provoking n a great topic to take on, I think more could have been done here but ill take it.

Adonis, short and sweet, some nice imagery, (your forte) nice feel to it at times, its a formula that only really works if the opponent comes with a huge convoluted piece to overshadow it with (your) simplicity, probably not enough engaging as the other verse so tactic didn’t work this time.
“Being lost in a breeze watching rustling leaves
A buzzing that beams, natures fluttering wings”… niicee btw

v/ blue, just a lil more engaging
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Old 07-24-2019, 08:07 AM   #5
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blue:
dope vocab and you really ran it home with emotion.. great depiction of a society torn by its control it felt like if you were to spit it it would come out in one breath.. very fluent I am glad to have seen you do a topical piece..

Adonis:
great ender this was very poetic lol to the extreme.. def had a nice heart beat to it that projected the reader along smoothly.. vocab was on point and the subtle story was def inspiring..

Creativity-- adonis
Entertainment-- blue bayou
Flow-- adonis
Rhyme Scheme-- adonis
Consistency/Topic-- blue bayou
Literary Devices (alliteration, assonance, allusion, etc..) -- blue bayou
Emotion-- blue bayou
Imagery-- blue bayou

Vote-- blue bayou
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Old 07-24-2019, 01:25 PM   #6
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Blue: I find it funny that these guys only associate you with battling because some don’t know about your early forays into topicals. I know. ;-)

The more punchline-esque execution is still evident here from your text battling, it’s clear from the opening couplet (to me) with the body parts line. I enjoyed you mixing up the language somewhat to go with some less conventional word choices, it kept my interest from a reading perspective, and the Big Brother Jules Verne references weren’t lost on me either. There’s times where I can appreciate what you’re doing from a rhyme scheme/mechanics/technical standpoint like this snippet:

Quote:
all has been seen, call it routine. Big Brother ruling our existence
a brolic regime, diabolical schemes. clemency eschewing with insistence
but in focusing so much on trying to emphasise what you’re doing scheme wise with the commas and periods, it created a kind of stop-start to the line as I read it (it could just be me) that affected how I perceived it to flow in my head. Just something you might want to consider going forward. The writers amongst us have done this long enough to see what you’re doing without the need for pauses and whatnot to highlight it. I do enjoy your brief turns in the topical realm, as I tend to with most battlers, largely because I find them refreshing to read when coupled with a style that almost leads itself to writing creative lines there to be quoted and catch the readers eye. You don’t find that done (so much) with topical heads in truth - but it can be effective. It’s a largely underrated quality I find in these things, personally, but a truer test will be seeing how you fare with this more “topical” type verse when pitted against a storyteller. It would be interesting to see you actually attempt at a story, as I think that would suit you better in this environment and give you a more complete package.

Adonis - I agree that the imagery and concise wording here helped make this a battle. You kind of saw what your opponent had and went the opposite way to him, almost playing to your strengths and his perceived weaknesses, you had a degree of success with it too here I have to say - it had a Deadman-ness quality to it with stuff like the “card tied to spokes” of a child’s bicycle wheel. It was a nostalgia toned slice of visual imagery that resonated and no doubt some will relate to. I’d say the stylistic differences between you made this battle more interesting, to me personally, with both kind of taking a more “topical” take - Blue relying more heavily on the mechanics side and Adonis maybe the more poetic vibe. I liked aspects of both, Blue’s more punchy style and wording vs Adonis stuff like “Imagine imagining,” and the visual imagery he delivered with stuff like the peddles that sing and those wittier turns of phrase like “Knight of the day,” and “Killing time, care to watch?” that Blue himself would probably look at sceptically given his more battle orientated background but I enjoyed those snippets throughout. This isn’t clear cut, for me at least, and the two separate executions are what made me want to elaborate further on this vote here to decide a winner. This stuff from Adonis is when he’s hitting his stride:

Quote:
Being lost in a breeze watching rustling leaves
A buzzing that beams, natures fluttering wings
The main thing that decided this, for me, was the brevity of Adonis piece here as it seemed to end rather abruptly (with those last three lines) on that end note when I’d have perhaps been looking for more of a resolution - be that something polarising or some kind of arc back to how he opened the verse, which I guess it could be taken as doing to an extent with the dial being turned up and back to the static lines in a kind of linear radio frequency type way - but I felt it needed something added where Blue here had, what felt, like the more complete piece on the whole, and that’s ultimately what lead me to go with him over Adonis this round.

Keep those pens moving!
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Old 07-25-2019, 07:58 PM   #7
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Blue had a cool verse, it was short but not really lacking anything which isn't easy to do. There were some pretty unique turns of phrase in there and solid rhyming throughout. I enjoyed it more for the thought provoking ideas rather than any story line...it was more of a rant than anything else, but it worked. 'Hide & Go seek...they spy and go speak' was fire.

Adonis I liked this but it really was rushed which is no surprise given that you are a stand in. I think with a little more time you could have really fleshed this out in to something fuller. Even still to you had some lines in there that were very poetically beautiful and the imagery of the butterfly, the card tied to spokes in a wheel, skipping stones in a lake...they were all very vivid images and appealed to me hugely. I liked those lines.

Cool battle...Adonis came up a little short but props to him for stepping up at the last minute. Vote Blue.
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Old 07-25-2019, 10:08 PM   #8
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I concede because I voted blue in the mag as well. So 5-0 knockout. Good shit
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