MMA fighter vs. A chimpanzee , who would win

[Certain]

Originally Posted by Mike Wrecka

but no way can a monkey bench press more than a body builder so iono

Friend, rethink your thought.

[Witty]

Originally Posted by El Pancake

speak for your own species nigga

im out here doing stupid weight

You shall be our leader when the chimp wars begin.

We will need men like you.

[big baby]

MMA fighters aren't trained for life and death situations, yet their situational prowess gives them an advantage. In life and death, I'm sure there's lots of factors that enable us to perform. Adrenalin rushes aren't really useless. Regardless, I'd fucking destroy a chimp. Yes, they go off instinct, but a chimp, other than it's flexibility, doesn't have these cat-like reflexes. The only thing that I see is the pain factor, even if I fully fleded punched a chimp in the face head-on, chances are my fist would be cut to fucking oblivion. They have some crazy jaws/teeth. Same with any other animal really. Like even fighting a dog or something, punching it while it's in a combative position means you're gonna cut your hands up pretty bad. Not that I murk fucka dogs in my spare time, but it's common sense. Give me some hand wraps and I'll body a chimp for you. Hit him with some lightning straight rights, motherfucker will submit to my human body. Then I'd fuck it

[uh-oh]

im just getting hype as fuck thinking of all the species of animals i could mutilate with my bare hands if they challenged me

chimps aint one tho.

that would literally be my nightmare. that or a bear, unless the bear gets your neck. wolves would also be terrible

big cats are my dream tho. i want to be taken unaware by a tiger when i'm like 63

bite my skull clean off my spine in one swift motion. no fuckin around

a chimp literally understands THUMBS AND HANDS

IT EATS THEM SO YOU CANT GRAB IT

DWELL ON THAT.

THEY ALSO FAVOR GENITALIA

SO WHILE YOUR FINGERLESS AND HAVE A GAPING OOZING HOLE, THERE ARE ALIEN MAN HANDS GRABBING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU WHILE A DEMON HEADED BEAST IS JUST TAKING YOUR FLESH OFF

im good on that death. fuck a chimp.

[Witty]

You better hope the chimp doesn't get to touch you tho, once he gets a grip of you even with just one hand, it's a wrap.

It'll just rip you apart.

[Certain]

http://www.slate.com/articles/health...himpanzee.html

Repeated tests in the 1960s confirmed this basic picture. A chimpanzee had, pound for pound, as much as twice the strength of a human when it came to pulling weights. The apes beat us in leg strength, too, despite our reliance on our legs for locomotion. A 2006 study found that bonobos can jump one-third higher than top-level human athletes, and bonobo legs generate as much force as humans nearly two times heavier.

[TYSON]

Stupid question....my answer is obvious....captain obvious to thread

[big baby]

Wolf is probably something I wouldnt fuck with. Obviously bear >. In the north here, us yankees have seen Grizzlies legit move garbage CANS, like the BIG MOTHERFUCKING ONES, in one fell swoop. That's fucking POWER dude, I can do that if i FUCKING PLANTED MY FUCKING FEET AND GOT A HERNIA, MAYBE, but these dudes just play around with it. That's how strong a fuckign BEAR IS. FUCKA STRONG. Lions are also GIFUCKINGGANTIC. I saw a tiger once and it was like 10 FEET LONG EASILY, like it was insane how FUCKING BIG it was i was like I couldn't beat that shit? But tigers are BITCHES, they're not humbled. Not like wolves. Wolves and dogs, humbled ones, AINT STAND DOWN TO SHIT. Me and my REDNECK buddies used to use hounds to hunt fuckign MOUNTAIN LIONS and these 5 hounds cornered a MOUNTAIN LION and fucking didnt even flinch when that bitch fucking hissed and pounced at them, that lion was SCARED AS FUCK didnt do SHIT then we motherfucking body bagged the fuck outta that lion. Grizzlies are BITCH asses too. Dogs/wolves >any animal. They have no fear. Thats the only reason I wouldnt confront one. Put a fucking wolf against a chimp and that chimp would get fucking bodied, it would put up a good fight, but then start to wear down and get fucking annihilated. Also wolves have this ungodly stamina, along with hyena. Have heard stories that wolves that track down elk for like 15 miles nonstop running, like these motherfuckers JACKed at 35-40mph lightwork and they keep that pace for about 10 miles in fucking WAIST high snow. Nothings bringing down a fucking wolf, unless a lion grows some fucking balls and goes to war with it, other than that, nah. And fuck chimps, they got motherfucking bodied by silverbacks all day. now that's who ID FIGHT. They aint even that big, tbh. and honestly chimps have HUGE ass balls, you'd just kick them there and theyd be out, chimps dont really kick forward as their legs dont let them do it at the force we do, fucking id fucking soccer messi kick the FUCK OUT OF A chimps face then hit him wit the one two then bite down into his fucking nut sack and EAT IT i dont care if hes eating my leg ill fucking eat his balls like an animal, all while im hitting him with some ungodly hooks to the body. fucking MRUK that chimp, flail his FUCKING BODY AROUND TILL HIS FAMILY SEES IT THEN EAT HIS BALLS INFRONT OF HIS FIRST BORN AND FUCK HIS WIFE INFRONT OF HIS FIRST BORN AND HAVE LITTLE CHIMP BABIES AND FUCK THEM TOO. FUCK THIS THREAD

[Certain]

Originally Posted by bags baby

Wolf is probably something I wouldnt fuck with. Obviously bear >. In the north here, us yankees have seen Grizzlies legit move garbage CANS, like the BIG MOTHERFUCKING ONES, in one fell swoop. That's fucking POWER dude, I can do that if i FUCKING PLANTED MY FUCKING FEET AND GOT A HERNIA, MAYBE, but these dudes just play around with it. That's how strong a fuckign BEAR IS. FUCKA STRONG. Lions are also GIFUCKINGGANTIC. I saw a tiger once and it was like 10 FEET LONG EASILY, like it was insane how FUCKING BIG it was i was like I couldn't beat that shit? But tigers are BITCHES, they're not humbled. Not like wolves. Wolves and dogs, humbled ones, AINT STAND DOWN TO SHIT. Me and my REDNECK buddies used to use hounds to hunt fuckign MOUNTAIN LIONS and these 5 hounds cornered a MOUNTAIN LION and fucking didnt even flinch when that bitch fucking hissed and pounced at them, that lion was SCARED AS FUCK didnt do SHIT then we motherfucking body bagged the fuck outta that lion. Grizzlies are BITCH asses too. Dogs/wolves >any animal. They have no fear. Thats the only reason I wouldnt confront one. Put a fucking wolf against a chimp and that chimp would get fucking bodied, it would put up a good fight, but then start to wear down and get fucking annihilated. Also wolves have this ungodly stamina, along with hyena. Have heard stories that wolves that track down elk for like 15 miles nonstop running, like these motherfuckers JACKed at 35-40mph lightwork and they keep that pace for about 10 miles in fucking WAIST high snow. Nothings bringing down a fucking wolf, unless a lion grows some fucking balls and goes to war with it, other than that, nah. And fuck chimps, they got motherfucking bodied by silverbacks all day. now that's who ID FIGHT. They aint even that big, tbh. and honestly chimps have HUGE ass balls, you'd just kick them there and theyd be out, chimps dont really kick forward as their legs dont let them do it at the force we do, fucking id fucking soccer messi kick the FUCK OUT OF A chimps face then hit him wit the one two then bite down into his fucking nut sack and EAT IT i dont care if hes eating my leg ill fucking eat his balls like an animal, all while im hitting him with some ungodly hooks to the body. fucking MRUK that chimp, flail his FUCKING BODY AROUND TILL HIS FAMILY SEES IT THEN EAT HIS BALLS INFRONT OF HIS FIRST BORN AND FUCK HIS WIFE INFRONT OF HIS FIRST BORN AND HAVE LITTLE CHIMP BABIES AND FUCK THEM TOO. FUCK THIS THREAD

[Diode]

Originally Posted by jilti

Im a trained mma fighter.

I will not let this go unnoticed.

Haven't had a new dirt person in a long while.

[big baby]

but nah seriously, all combative fighting, however instinctual, isn't as instinctual at it is progressive, strength doesn't mean MUCH. 1 on 1 without the use of teeth I think a savvy and strong human, no weapons, scientifically our gray matter is different, and muscle fibers are used differently. Our nervous system > a chimps. We also have far greater stamina. If you have sufficient defence, and you have greater stamina than your opponent, then it really just relies on who gets tired first. Secondly, since our nervous systems are that much more advanced, we also have a sysematic neural defence when it comes to obtaining damage. We heal/regenerate faster than chimps do aswell. They have greater bursts of strength in a small threshold, but don't possess as much quantitative direct muscle movement than we do. You don't see a systematic, strategic breakdown and chimp scruffles. They don't know how to duck and dodge nor how to evade. Their flexibility is really farce, as they just rely on strong bursts of strength. A chimp writing his name would have the worst muscle cramps because they arent trained to do this. They rely on larger, systematic breakdown in movement rather than smaller, developed and more strategic, in the way we do it. Honestly, I'm about to buy a chimp so I can fucking beat it the fuck up.

[PancakeBrah]

Originally Posted by Diode

I will not let this go unnoticed.

Haven't had a new dirt person in a long while.

bro im sure he has the Affliction Starter Kit (Deluxe Edition) that comes with the technicolor bjj gi and ufc gloves signed by Dana White's fourth cousin

black belt 4th dan given to him Dale Gracie, the long lost Gracie who lives down the block

has had 5 professional fights. 0-4-1. all fights a draw due to lack of attendance

certified belt holder in the featherweight e-brag division

[big baby]

diode s sexy big muscles fight a chimp plz @Diode

[Diode]

Originally Posted by El Pancake

bro im sure he has the Affliction Starter Kit (Deluxe Edition) that comes with the technicolor bjj gi and ufc gloves signed by Dana White's fourth cousin

black belt 4th dan given to him Dale Gracie, the long lost Gracie who lives down the block

has had 5 professional fights. 0-4-1. all fights a draw due to lack of attendance

certified belt holder in the featherweight e-brag league

Blackcake, it is time.

Sherdog beckons.

Pick a /f#. All of them can be yours.

[big baby]

set it up with the chimp 16 due tomorrow

[Diode]

Originally Posted by bags baby

diode s sexy big muscles fight a chimp plz @Diode

No because we all just know @TYSON will ignore me and go back to snapchatting 8 year olds :(

[uh-oh]

i dont think i could body a wolf for real

i can BODYBAG ANY DOG THO

probably. i dunno theres some big fucking vicious dogs

but the average dog is getting drowned in a bucket all day.

the difference is to fight a dog you have to get bit. you have to allow it, YOU have to engage it. shove your arm as far back in its molar type teeth. with there mouth occupied its body bag central. youll get a nasty puncture or two, and there will be cuts and bruising. but the dog can be broken.

a wolf will break your fucking arm tho. they break MOOSE FEMURS

ON THE RUN

a wolf would kill me. i don't know how to do it. with a dog you can break there entire throat in your hands. you can body slam them etc. i cant see handling a real deal big gray wolf tho

[Diode]

Wolves do not like to engage alone tho.

There will almost always be 6 other ones waiting to finish you while you're distracted.

[uh-oh]

Originally Posted by Diode

Wolves do not like to engage alone tho.

There will almost always be 6 other ones waiting to finish you while you're distracted.

well yea duh

but so will chimps

they hunt like wolves but they can also take to the trees

this is a gladiator forced fight fake scenario obv

how big is a wolves throat tho?

you could probably force your arm completely into the wolves throat trying to go in to the shoulder and kill it.

but it could always just back away/off your hand and eat your head too i guess

[big baby]

mad dogs bigger/stronger than wolves, wolves just have a slightly different mentality.

like a dog would apologize after fucking your girlfriend

a wolf would apologize to you before he fucks your girlfriend

1 on 1 i think tons of people like nik-a and them would get alpha maled by a wolf, but alphas like me and big sexy strong diode and pancake would bodybag a wolf tbh. if you trying to fuck with those russian prison dogs then idk if that throat shoving shit gonna work cause hes gonna be liek this idiot IM GONNA EAT HIM soon your gonna be inside this nigga belly just being digested and shit like nah not gonna work. a chimp aint shit, like real talk, if some nigga that was 5 foot tall but benched 500 lbs wanted to fight you would yo ube scared or nah? like a legit human, thats 5 ft, and weighs less than you but can bench 500 , and squat like 700, would you LEGIT be scared of him, in a legit fight? i mean hes strong but hes fucking tiny, all you have to do is fucking swing this nigga around, hes not even fucking heavier than you wtf? physics has to givein somewhere