Simon SeversTons VS. Jimmy - JIMMY WINS

[Sharp]

be nice allen

i'll drop a constructive vote tomorrow and if the reaction is 'you guys dont get it' clown away


actually liked the home alone concept tbh

[Simon SeversTons]

No Sharp Nine, I forfeit this battle.

I'll admit I loss.

[Certain]

I present: Simon deading this mark - so fuck if this clown had wrote a rhyme for me
Since he's Jim, then Im flexing with bars without even sculpting my physique
Funny how Jimmy wanna type with a hot free, but his shook type wouldnt cross me
His last battle - WHEW - its like Jim has a bad knack with food, the way Ry's wasnt salty
Jims not clever at battlin'. Plus his setups were all over the place - Kevin McCallister
But we dont gotta look at a skateboard to know that youre a REGULAR ...amatuer!
JESUS, youve written your lines weak... and also dont scribble more rhymes please
So I dont mean craved frozen dessert whenever you see Jimmy's on ice? SCREAM

Next time, try formatting the verse like that, for starters. You still used an ice scream line, though, and the wittiest part of the verse (as Sharp Nine pointed out) was a Home Alone line you buried as a setup.

[Sharp]

Originally Posted by Simon SeversTons

Sorry for the delay. Caught up on something else, much focus wasnt on this.

Expos:
- Kevin McCallister is played by Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.
i think of text battles as a bunch of jokes... if you have to explain them its usually not as funny. there's usually a way to make most concepts i've seen dudes make an expo for understandable
At 10:50, here we go...


I present: Simon deading this mark - so fuck if this clown had wrote a rhyme for me!
Since he's "Jim?" Then Im "flexing with bars" with-out even "sculpting my physique!"
this is a good, albeit basic nameflip. Jim/gym is done, and 'bars' have been flipped every way possible since 98. only things that could've made this hit would be tying it into a current event (like if every single YMCA in america burnt down you could tie that into destroying jim/gym) or incredibly effective wording
Funny how Jimmy wanna type with a hot free, but his shook type wouldnt CROSS ME!
His last battle WHEW - its like Jim has a bad knack with food, the way "Ry's wasnt salty!"
(rice/Rys=Ryan 12)
tbh i dont really get how you're getting rice out of ryan. you could work with ry's but that would sound more like rise



^ This is his setups in his battle with Ryan. YIKES.

Jims not clever at battlin'! Plus his ^ "setups were all over the place" - "Kevin McCallister"
But we dont gotta look at a "skateboard" to know that youre a "REGULAR" ...amatuer!
this setup was a cool idea, the punchline was confusing... if you were trying to do a more longbarish/hit in every line thing i definitely would've put the home alone thing at the end
JESUS, youve written your lines weak... AND ALSO dont scribble more rhymes PLEASE!
So I dont mean craved frozen dessert whenever you see "Jimmy's on ice?" *SCREAM*
i scream you scream we all scream... the key to a good bar is the same thing as a joke, that unpredictable element


G'luck, Jimmy.

as a whole, i'd honestly say this was a pretty normal new guy drop, the home alone concept could've been a pretty heavy hitter but it kind of got hidden.

and no hate, but the way you format your verses is a little distracting. i dont really have a problem with any verse structure as long as it doesn't take away from it. you should talk to phuck yew about that, he's an old longbar vet who's adjusted to shortbar pretty well

[big baby]

simon u suk da baby peen