Substantial Matters BY BLACKLIST

alright like coup said i had to read this thru twice to fully take it in...and i appreciate the message, and tbh i was getting a totally different vibe upon initial read, and then the end kinda surprised me, but that was intentional i guess given Story's response to coup, but yeah the wordchoice had me thinking more dark and 'devilish' but yet religion based....which ties into my above comment about the response, and then the end although a twist, kinda tied it all together, but also made me read again...but onto the writers

story - ur verse was a nice introduction (seemed like this was more Just Write ft Storyteller tbh, but thas whatever.) Like i said above ur wordchoice was pretty on point to what u were aiming at, but imo sometimes it seems like ur rhyming was overdone, like it coulda been more effective if u went with internals that differed from externals, but that maybe me, or also the fact that u bleed rhymes, which also can be effective but came across overdone when accompanied by internal external bombardment, and gave it kinda a monotonous feel, not bad or distracting just trying to b constructive my dood. Also i feel if u deviated from that rhyme scheme it woulda open up more avenues for u bc sometimes it felt that u woulda rathered used another word to substitute for the word u kinda stuck urself in the corner with. But sht read smoothly enough, and still conveyed what u were aiming at, so i would say it was a success, and a pretty solid verse.

Just Write - tbh i felt the second verse absolutely killed this, i was really feeling some of the concepts u touched on with it

what im talking about: "the screaming, the heckling, it wont lead to repentance.
you need to seek new dimensions to percieve my perspective.
break free from opression by any means neccesary,
because it's we who decides whats needed or temporary."

but i also feel that although u had a nice showing, if i had to critique something it would be fairly similiar to what i said to story, i enjoyed ur rhyme scheme, but i also felt that in some places u used odd or more archaic words, that coulda been sub'd out for something more vernacular'ish...but then again, the archaic type words stayed true to the religious aspect, so it goes both ways. Another slight thing I woulda focused more on action verbs rather then adjectives if ur topic was 'an activist fighting back'...but besides that u kinda brought it full circle upon second read thru, the first one i was kinda thrown bc i hadn't digested its entirety yet. Verbs may have helped clue the reader in subtly, just imo. But also a very solid showing, however I kinda wished u kept on with those conceptual insights like u utilized in the second verse.

Another note, I don't know if it was intended or not, like if u wrote independently or if u built off each other, but u both utilized some of the same rhyming words, which was cool, but also repetitive in a way. If it was intentional, instead of utilizing the same words sporadically throughout the verse, i personally woulda crafted the verse to eather begin or end with those rhyming words giving it more congruence. Keep in mind these are all MINOR things, im just offering my own insight bc i figure thats y i was tagged.

Overall I did enjoy it individually, and as a whole. Both had a showing of quality writing while accomplishing what u were aiming for with approach n topic.

Solid drop guys.