The Elephant

Pakistani Hand Cannon · 04-25-2025, 02:49 AM

was this just a concept type piece, or did this relate to you, as in yourself, or personal experiences with other people? or parts of all or none of the above?

anyway, this was peak you tbh. not the wordyness so much (it wasnt too wordy tbh - but i see why you mentioned it. its more a piece you'd read or speak as opposed to rap) - but you rhyme like an animal, & you usually have some shit to say; sometimes ive found the two out of balance reading your shit. either getting too lost of keeping the rhyme going - or "trying' to say some shit; not to say that your not saying some shit in those times, but that its comes off as inorganic. to me. it might not actually be the case.

maybe i be over critical over your shit lol idk

anyway, i found the two in balance like a muhfucka here.

i scrolled up to quote some shit just, but stopped. i think its the cohesion of the piece i fuck w the most.

the looks could murder on all of our hands - i thought was slick...but does it make sense? if the murders on all of their hands - but its his looks that kill...how does that add up? if the murders on someones hands, theyre the one to commit it,no?.....apologies if im being dense & misunderstanding something simple af lol

that & the closer. it wasnt bad by any means, it worked fine. i just think the piece held alot..like alot alot more weight to it than to end on the note of rudeness.

other than that, clean start to finish.

04-25-2025, 02:49 AM	#7
Pakistani Hand Cannon Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 1,230 Rep Power: 5303583	was this just a concept type piece, or did this relate to you, as in yourself, or personal experiences with other people? or parts of all or none of the above? anyway, this was peak you tbh. not the wordyness so much (it wasnt too wordy tbh - but i see why you mentioned it. its more a piece you'd read or speak as opposed to rap) - but you rhyme like an animal, & you usually have some shit to say; sometimes ive found the two out of balance reading your shit. either getting too lost of keeping the rhyme going - or "trying' to say some shit; not to say that your not saying some shit in those times, but that its comes off as inorganic. to me. it might not actually be the case. maybe i be over critical over your shit lol idk anyway, i found the two in balance like a muhfucka here. i scrolled up to quote some shit just, but stopped. i think its the cohesion of the piece i fuck w the most. the looks could murder on all of our hands - i thought was slick...but does it make sense? if the murders on all of their hands - but its his looks that kill...how does that add up? if the murders on someones hands, theyre the one to commit it,no?.....apologies if im being dense & misunderstanding something simple af lol that & the closer. it wasnt bad by any means, it worked fine. i just think the piece held alot..like alot alot more weight to it than to end on the note of rudeness. other than that, clean start to finish.