ZenLand

[Zen]

Do You Ever Feel Like....

Breakin necks and snatchin purses and takin techs and blastin persons
And creatin sets for mass insurgents to start drastic purges
To smash the courage of Heaven's sects by crashin churches
No time to yearn the loss cuz I'm burnin mosques and turnin the cross
On it's head, God is dead, It's time for the return of the boss
No more words thats false or being concerned with loss
No more hopin for riches while the poor cope in ditches
Shit, Cover Wall Street with ferns and moss
Eternal Garden startin, ZenLand's open for business

Here, There's no downtrodden's pleas. Here, We all got what we need
Here, There's no cops we're freed. Here, we're not locked by greed

So break the chains and take the reins, Take aim and spray their brains,
They ain't usin 'em anyway and anyday they'll place the blame on you for things they "can't change"
Like the war on crime that they pour in our mind, When the CIA is main damn gang
They betray our needs, They want you to pray and plead
Well I ain't gonna rephrase my speech, Because one day we'll meet
And I'll slay those peeps with proud scholars turned to brave soldiers
They say we're free when the founding fathers were slaveholders

Fuck 'em

[Nice]

Breakin necks and snatchin purses and takin techs and blastin personsAnd creatin sets for mass insurgents to start drastic purgesTo smash the courage of Heaven's sects by crashin churches



First three lines were insane, super dope content and flow.. Kinda fell of till midway through the second verse. I dont think ive really read to much from you but i will definitely peep ur next piece. Stay up

[Hush]

You can rhyme words, congrats. No content so I didn't enjoy.

[Zen]

I can rhyme words thank you, but I think there's allot of content here but that's your opinion. Appreciate the feedback from both of yall

[Camp Bell]

...there was mad content here...


and it was dope, the first part was the better of the two.
the multis were sick and it had the best quotes.
i'd say these were my faves...


No time to yearn the loss cuz I'm burnin mosques and turnin the cross
On it's head, God is dead, It's time for the return of the boss
No more words thats false or being concerned with loss
No more hopin for riches while the poor cope in ditches
Shit, Cover Wall Street with ferns and moss
Eternal Garden startin, ZenLand's open for business

[Zen]

Appreciate the feed campbell

[BR Joe]

No time to yearn the loss cuz I'm burnin mosques and turnin the cross
On it's head, God is dead, It's time for the return of the boss
No more words thats false or being concerned with loss
No more hopin for riches while the poor cope in ditches
Shit, Cover Wall Street with ferns and moss
Eternal Garden startin, ZenLand's open for business

I quoted my favorite lines. I saw the story you were telling but it kinda bored me a bit. the rhyming was fun to follow and I liked the hook but it's not something I'd reread.

[dead man]

On it's head, God is dead, It's time for the return of the boss
No more words thats false or being concerned with loss

this was the part i most recalled after reading this a few days ago. this verse completely juxtaposed with your name in a real way lol. war for peace? but yeah man i was digging this simply from the bit of viciousness you opened with, but it never really reached that peak again for me in term of pure lyricism

And I'll slay those peeps with proud scholars turned to brave soldiers
They say we're free when the founding fathers were slaveholders

solid way to close this out. in a day and age where this is such common knowledge though, or at least the normative belief among anyone who usually comes through these parts.. its almost like preaching to the choir at a certain point you know? i have no problem with the subject matter itself but the way you discuss it has to be interesting enough to really make a statement that doesn't just reinforce an idea but inspires a new one.

keep on man. thanks for this.

[Zen]

Originally Posted by dead man

On it's head, God is dead, It's time for the return of the boss
No more words thats false or being concerned with loss

this was the part i most recalled after reading this a few days ago. this verse completely juxtaposed with your name in a real way lol. war for peace? but yeah man i was digging this simply from the bit of viciousness you opened with, but it never really reached that peak again for me in term of pure lyricism

And I'll slay those peeps with proud scholars turned to brave soldiers
They say we're free when the founding fathers were slaveholders

solid way to close this out. in a day and age where this is such common knowledge though, or at least the normative belief among anyone who usually comes through these parts.. its almost like preaching to the choir at a certain point you know? i have no problem with the subject matter itself but the way you discuss it has to be interesting enough to really make a statement that doesn't just reinforce an idea but inspires a new one.

keep on man. thanks for this.

I'm glad you noticed that shit in there since "ZenLand" in itself is one big fuckin irony since Zen is being complacent and without possessions and the Land implying ownership. That's life basically one big fuckin irony right? Haha but appreciate the feed Joe and Deadman

[Split]

pretty cool. thought only noticable hiccup was where you placed "ferns and moss"

They betray our needs, They want you to pray and plead
Well I ain't gonna rephrase my speech, Because one day we'll meet
And I'll slay those peeps with proud scholars turned to brave soldiers
They say we're free when the founding fathers were slaveholders

that was dope, strongly worded. might not be perfect or the strongest content, but there were some good quotes mixed in that show you'll improve quick. at least it's your own words, more than i can say for some people..

and I like the concept behind it. maybe throw in some more complex multis to make it feel more tied together from line to line, like the schemes were landing really hard on meet/need/ those single syllable rhymes

keep keyin dude, I'll be looking for future drops

[Mike Wrecka]

ya no doubt Zen. this was cool. I was really feelin the first section, a little more than the second. ur use of multis was nice. then you kinda went away from it a little. but ya I enjoyed reading this. that ferns and moss line did seem very oddly placed. but ya good stuff dude.

[Dove Dozer]

I thought this was dope. Some sick flow..which i usually ignore with lines as long but you made it work. It felt freestylish to me as i read it, as in the flow, but yo the content was niiice. I was diggin this man.. id say shorten your lines a bit, but id have to hear how you flow this. Feel me? Keep droppin this stuff bruh.

[Inno]

Come back to us @Zen

[Exis]

Flames bro...Your multies are off the hook, thought your opener & closer were def highlights imo...Middle section was just really clean man.

Stay upwards.

[Pharaohs Army]

i liked later Zen works better

[PancakeBrah]

Hush had the most accurate criticism in this thread.

This is a ghost thread, re-upped. It's interesting (OH IS IT) to see the growth of one of the best writers on this site, from this. It's good, in terms of rhyming and pace and rhyming and pace. The best Zen pieces were so caustic and personal, occasionally touching on the mechanical nature, with rhymes, of something like this. Interesting (OH IS IT) to read in retrospect.

[Zen]

zen's dead, baby. zen's dead.

[NYCSPITZ]

Originally Posted by Zen

I'm glad you noticed that shit in there since "ZenLand" in itself is one big fuckin irony since Zen is being complacent and without possessions and the Land implying ownership. That's life basically one big fuckin irony right? Haha but appreciate the feed Joe and Deadman

Did you just say zen is complacent?

[Zen]

Originally Posted by NYCSPITZ

Did you just say zen is complacent?

i was young and very stupid, i have no clue what the hell i was on about.