Fuck it...

[Bodey]

We should collab sometime when I’m not allowing long hours of work to chip my soul away

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

ambivalent (shoutout to eng) feelings about this one tbh

not sure why. lets see if i can get to it.

i like the candour more than anything. eh, more than "like" tbh. its something i find increasingly rare...with everything, period. even the attempts to be honest are dripping in fraudulence. anyway i digress in this bitch lol back on point...

seems kinda raw, unpolished for most part - i like that. but certain wording just throws me off & i dont like.

iunno if its a flow thing, or just that a few lines (the wording in particular parts) seems contrived - which i wouldnt say are excessivley so - but married with the energy of the verse being kinda of a raw - not that deep, but not that shallow, lemme talk myself type shit - expressive one (atleast to me) it becomes more highlighted.

yeah, its the "get off my ass when the moons coming - praise, crazy w words i am - worth damn" those three line i really dont fuck with. at all.

you write technically fine. like, more than fine. very well. i think thats my issue w it - in those three lines it feels like the conveying of the honesty/emotion etc was sacrificed for keeping it technically sharp. its something ive always disliked in 99% who write on forums. so if it sounds like garbage, dont sweat it.

im trying to say it sounds "forced" but actually trying to explain it rather than just cite the usual bollocks "flows good, good multis, was abit forced" etc lmao

i understand its a dance between the two. & you marry the two fairly well here dont get me wrong. & the aim is truly to sacrifice neither, granted. but if im gonna sacrifice one over the other its always always always always gonna be the "technical"...i.e if i phrase comes to me, & perfectly encapsulates how i feel / what i trying to convey - but it doesnt fit the mould or "scheme"...im likely keeping it, fuck the scheme lol & sometimes that shit can hit harder.

& its not due to lacking in one are or the other. i dont. & im not suggesting you do either. its that i value one more than the other.

Or just trying to reveal the deceit that you're eager to hide?

strong.

resonates. "demons" (whatever that is to you), a hoe, a foe, a opportunist, aspects of your the psyche etc get at you where your weak. shit can be painful - there's a want to avert or match the energy on some grungy shit etc. except, maybe in their fuckery, they inadvertently highlight somewhere you're lacking that you were previously unaware of. perspective.

havocs still on top of me. i just like the way that phrased. the following jagged pill of honesty - same. i fuck w it.


salute, you prick.

[Witty]

Originally Posted by Pakistani Hand Cannon

ambivalent (shoutout to eng) feelings about this one tbh

not sure why. lets see if i can get to it.

i like the candour more than anything. eh, more than "like" tbh. its something i find increasingly rare...with everything, period. even the attempts to be honest are dripping in fraudulence. anyway i digress in this bitch lol back on point...

seems kinda raw, unpolished for most part - i like that. but certain wording just throws me off & i dont like.

iunno if its a flow thing, or just that a few lines (the wording in particular parts) seems contrived - which i wouldnt say are excessivley so - but married with the energy of the verse being kinda of a raw - not that deep, but not that shallow, lemme talk myself type shit - expressive one (atleast to me) it becomes more highlighted.

yeah, its the "get off my ass when the moons coming - praise, crazy w words i am - worth damn" those three line i really dont fuck with. at all.

you write technically fine. like, more than fine. very well. i think thats my issue w it - in those three lines it feels like the conveying of the honesty/emotion etc was sacrificed for keeping it technically sharp. its something ive always disliked in 99% who write on forums. so if it sounds like garbage, dont sweat it.

im trying to say it sounds "forced" but actually trying to explain it rather than just cite the usual bollocks "flows good, good multis, was abit forced" etc lmao

i understand its a dance between the two. & you marry the two fairly well here dont get me wrong. & the aim is truly to sacrifice neither, granted. but if im gonna sacrifice one over the other its always always always always gonna be the "technical"...i.e if i phrase comes to me, & perfectly encapsulates how i feel / what i trying to convey - but it doesnt fit the mould or "scheme"...im likely keeping it, fuck the scheme lol & sometimes that shit can hit harder.

& its not due to lacking in one are or the other. i dont. & im not suggesting you do either. its that i value one more than the other.



strong.

resonates. "demons" (whatever that is to you), a hoe, a foe, a opportunist, aspects of your the psyche etc get at you where your weak. shit can be painful - there's a want to avert or match the energy on some grungy shit etc. except, maybe in their fuckery, they inadvertently highlight somewhere you're lacking that you were previously unaware of. perspective.

havocs still on top of me. i just like the way that phrased. the following jagged pill of honesty - same. i fuck w it.


salute, you prick.

I agree, the 'moon's coming line' and the 'crazy with words I am' line really don't sit well with me either. I regretted those lines as soon as I read this back. As I said this was written in a matter of minutes, I just wrote some lines and posted them. If I took the time to edit I am quite sure those lines would have been discarded. I appreciate the analysis and feedback and I agree.

Thank you.

[Witty]

"I understand its a dance between the two. & you marry the two fairly well here dont get me wrong. & the aim is truly to sacrifice neither, granted. but if im gonna sacrifice one over the other its always always always always gonna be the "technical"...i.e if i phrase comes to me, & perfectly encapsulates how i feel / what i trying to convey - but it doesnt fit the mould or "scheme"...im likely keeping it, fuck the scheme lol & sometimes that shit can hit harder."

This is a really really important point. I spent years doing the exact opposite. I became so focused on the technical aspect that my verses became formulaic, predictable and devoid of any substance or depth. Which I'm pretty sure is why I lost my love for writing.

[JESODIST]

Six one six
Im a beast coming out of the River Styx
Twisted and Wicked sick
Breaking ya Rib like a stick
Stabb ya hip with a piece of twig,
My dick is one you can't seem to lick
This isn't magic this isn't a trick
Im a demon that possessed pretty rick
Think ya slick with an axe and pick
I havk your shit leave you in half you bitch
Getting ripped with a tyrant whip laugh you snitch
Record the process of you rotting on a ditch,
Now your soul in the abyss forgotten like a Myth,
There is nothing you can do
Im a pelican blue that leave you severed in two,
More than several not just a few
Let me release some demons thinking it through

[Alice]

So nice to be reading your work again! Just wanted to say I loved the directness and rawness of this, and how you still embedded a poetic tone without it coming off as over the top or whatever. That’s a beautiful balance to keep. Jagged pill was a stand out to me too but the openness & truthfulness of it all was the highlight. Thank you for sharing

[Witty]

Originally Posted by Alice

So nice to be reading your work again! Just wanted to say I loved the directness and rawness of this, and how you still embedded a poetic tone without it coming off as over the top or whatever. That’s a beautiful balance to keep. Jagged pill was a stand out to me too but the openness & truthfulness of it all was the highlight. Thank you for sharing

Thank you Alice, that means a lot.

I hope you're well, love you always <3

[Witty]

Originally Posted by Bodey

We should collab sometime when I’m not allowing long hours of work to chip my soul away

Sorry thought I replied to this.

Shout any time you want to. I'm not here every day but when I see your message I'll put something down and send it your way.