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Old 01-20-2013, 05:46 PM   #1
PancakeBrah
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An art. A system. Arguments of vague and passive words
Plato’s philosophy to Kratos crazed vernacular
Strange - spectacular engaged in feudal warring state
of mind - knowledge. Power pending play of swords and blades
Lilith longing for equality’s a coarse display
deemed a demon just for reasoning the Lord’s way
sons of atom and evolution sent to month of may
- to be tempted by the jezebels of present day
piece of ass. meat. tasked? create/induce confusion
a piece of rib. caged, allude to ancient institution

^Amazing, really.

The use of punctuation was strong and is one of my favorite aspects of writing open mic pieces. Indicating rest/pause notes, staccato delivery, AND to create wordplay, double meanings, and allusions (rib. caged, specifically). Content was spot on. The whole thing was expert-level, orange button and shit. The only hiccups I saw were the pudding wordplay which was corny to me, and the paradox/aragon rhyme. I looked for an internal or callback but it wasn't there and that's a streeetccchhh of a slant/soft rhyme to me. Now the the nits are picked. Great piece.


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Old 01-20-2013, 05:54 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cakecakecake View Post
The use of punctuation was strong and is one of my favorite aspects of writing open mic pieces. Indicating rest/pause notes, staccato delivery, AND to create wordplay, double meanings, and allusions (
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