TTT Semi-Finals: Etherwave vs. Objective

[sral]

The Topical Tourney 2024



Due Dates:
Verses this week are due Thursday and will be open until Sunday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:

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@Objective @Etherwave

[Etherwave]

Heardddd

[Objective]

Surely. Also, asking for 24 hour ext now since the next couple of days are kind of busy and don't know how much time I'll get to write before Friday

[sral]

Extension granted to both competitors if needed.

[Etherwave]

"The watcher, the pineal gland, and the human."



Have you ever wondered, about the one that governors your thoughts-
Your timelines, your subjects, and your relationships with lovers and Gods?

How much does it cost? Just how much has he suffered in that cupboard, hovering- fraught. A prsioner of your minds caverns and dungeons-but his cage isn't locked?

Your impulses clot all the knowledge he has hidden in stock, making it obvious your wires are crossed.
So often his voice is smothered by plots. His only friend is you, selfish, and stubborn you're two sides of a coin, both urban, and *posh.*


Funny he should be blamed for it all. Your battles and losses, when sometimes his language translates to nothing but your own ill logic.

Your subconscious, regurgitating unethical laws, like a scream trying to be heard, reverberating through halls. Shocking as it is, perforating your skull, somehow the echoes bring comfort to your demons, and all.

As he holds your eyes, fixated on something you saw: a prize, a desire originating from some mysterious vibe.*

Somewhere in your wooden mind, he mimes memories of both darker and more colorful times.

-As the sun begins to rise higher, pulling me from my morning meditation-
"I" pause my contemplation of the human mind and my own personal relation- Of quantum physics and the possibility of living in a simulation. Questions people need to ponder for mental and spiritual stimulation.

"I" close my third eye, leaving him peaceful inside, silently hoping good luck to my human, cause hell is empty, Earth is humid, and none of them know what they're doing.-

[Objective]

J. Limon did plenty wrong before he died in '21.

In life he just didn't seem to matter at all.
Each day were screenplays of running cars to the wall,
getting pulled hard to bollards, bars or a stall.

His foster parents were demanding and bold,
they saw nothing wrong leaving him stranded for cold.
They recorded abuse for profit and views,
proud of their work and got away with it, too.
They were morbid and horrid calculating the risks,
even certain officials were salviating their lips!
When people learned of their ways, then they would ask:

"WHO the FUCK pays for something like this?!"

Despite being center of attention among ccolorful lights
he had no passion, no sight, goals or ambition, cash or a wife.
If you were in his position you wouldn't last through the night.
What he had for a life was servicing others at expense of himself,
people around him seemed to be determined to send him to hell.
Eventually they took it too far when Jason fastened the seat belt
with no budget cuts to force him inside a for mula car,
which dreadfully led to the corpse of our star.

After the crash there was nothing left to recover except for the head they discovered
had flown off with the helmet which then led to a similar fate like his brother.
Thus, it was a success!

Served with this data Mercedes knew what to fix on the spot.
The team gathered the head as symbol for how bad it'll go
if you push it too hard and pick the shortest of straws.
Then made a box for the head to keep drivers in truth,
and figured the skeleton truly was relevant to include.
They named him J. Limon after the lead for it all;
The scholar and painter, that engineered our hero's greatest of falls.

Now there's nothing left that's kept from these stories
except for Jason Limon being a legend with crash test dummies.

[Etherwave]

I mean...fire!

[sral]

OPEN FOR VOTES!!!!

[Mike Wrecka]

Wow what a battle. We may not have the BIG name legendary heavyweights of the topical scene in this tournament but imo both of these verses could easily stand up to the very best any of them have to offer.

Ether - amazingly written and well thought out piece. You are clearly an excellent writer/poet that has seamlessly transitioned into the style of what we do here. It’s really very impressive. All while still staying true to your own style of writing. This piece was thought provoking and would clearly be the favored piece in any type of writing workshop or literary magazine setting. That being said I’m sure it’ll impress even the most hardened topicalists here

Obj- you may not agree but this was the best piece I’ve ever read from you. Your take on the picture was phenomenal. With great multis and everything to go along. I love the way the story was better upon second read after the reveal at the end. I truly don’t think that I could have come up with a better concept to that picture and I pride myself on that aspect of writing so respect.


Overall - very close. It comes down to personal preference here. I personally enjoy reading story pieces like objectives. I’m sure both verses will get lots of votes and it’ll come right down to the wire here. I throughly enjoyed reading both so I say thanks to both competitors for entertaining me.

Vote - Obj

[symetrik]

ether:

it's cool to see you show out this tough - I know some of the "new to this particular experience" nerves are coming through, but you belong right alongside, you have an absolutely natural sounding voice for a majority of your pieces that I've seen in this context so far and still hit the flow, multis, etc.

a few spelling mistakes in this one slightly catch me up but not a huge deal - in this case, it's easy to determine what was meant.

crazy with the multis again: "governs / thoughts, lovers / gods, much / cost, suffer & cupboard & hover / fraught" in just the first two bars and continued multis throughout is dope - you hit them without sacrificing much of anything of the conversational tone.

I didn't quite understand "your impulses clot" - these two lines up until "urban and posh" could have used slightly tighter... punctuation to be honest, to more clearly guide how I was meant to read it, as I also tripped up around "friend is you, selfish, and stubborn you're two sides of a coin".

"ill logic" was a slightly tough rhyme to flow into, despite losses / logic.

"regurgitating / laws, reverberating / halls, perforating / skull" was cool.

I liked the use of quotations around "I", seemed to represent recognition of the system over the singular self.

ending was nice, I think it tied things up decently in a sort of laissez faire manner, a "ah fuck it, doesn't matter really", nihilistic.


Objective:

kinda meta immediately, nice. I like the idea of bringing the artist into the story but still creating a new story instead of like... I dunno, making a biography xD

this was a pretty straight forward read, clean, and a really clear story imo - transitioned smoothly from setting the scene, showing the obstacles "he" faced, etc.

"he had no passion, no sight, goals or ambition, cash or a wife." was a fire line, great flow.

didn't quite understand the "force him inside a for mula car" but I'm understanding it as a like "for-money" car with a little twist.

while I think you did far better than last battle at your starting and ending, it technically felt like you entirely skipped a middle (which, in this case, I think was fine - it just could have been there if the line count supported it).

I think brothers instead of brother would have landed better to indicate "this has happened a lot", imo and although some mistakes were made they weren't detrimental to my read-through.

I think the ending was fine, it wrapped it up, but it wasn't stand out in particular.

----

this is pretty tough for me so I'm gonna dwell on it for awhile. Objective's piece was clear and creative, taking the topic in a different direction than maybe expected but still honouring it to some degree. that said, I don't think it touched the topic nearly as well as Ether's, whose piece focused neatly and cleanly upon the topic as presented: a "thing" inside the brain/head, and delved into that (perhaps obvious) topic quite nicely.

on the flip side, there was also more abstract work in Ether's piece (if only by a bit) and while I love and support abstract, it can tread the line of too much; I believe Ether tread that line nicely, but the content did pull in a few directions at once, both in tone and the general emotional "vibe" of the character.

compared to Objective's: it maintained a tone and emotion throughout imo, even if that tone and emotion was slightly dampened - which, normally I would count against a piece, but if the character was a crash test dummy...

after far too much thinking,

mvgt Ether

I'm gonna lean into what makes me feel a little more for the piece (despite acknowledging it's on theme for a piece about crash test dummies to feel slightly less emotional)

[sral]

Etherwave: I definitely enjoyed the thought process behind this, it unfolded very organically for the most part and once again your writers voice took the spotlight in that regard. Very strong submission conceptually, I felt you delved into the picture and created something perhaps unique to yourself. While not so technically proficient as some writers here in terms of your mechanics and rhyme schemes, you’re stronger in others areas for sure and that really does come across in how you narrate the verse - constantly pushing it forward - expanding on the idea until it’s crystalline. Very enjoyable. Your rhyme placement is somewhat underrated also, but I see you. I wasn’t a great fan of “urban and posh,” if I’m completely truthful - the word posh just seemed somewhat out of place with the tone of the rest of the verse you struck. There was very little otherwise that could be considered a misstep. I think you executed this really well.


Objective - You definitely had more in the way of rhyme scheme and multi syllable rhymes, toying with your scheme and switching it up at different points throughout. It was one noticeable difference between the two, though I will say it perhaps didn’t create too great a schism between either competitor because Ether did exceptionally well again. The crash test dummy tie-in to the picture was creative, and unexpected, so kudos on that regard. I think Symetrik perhaps overthought “for mula” car being about money and it was simply a typo for Formula (One) car. Lol. Objective definitely had the more conventional archetypal approach with some storytelling and a revealing ‘twist’ if you will, which leads me to my vote here and that’s for…

Etherwave. I’ve sat and considered this for some time, and ultimately even though I generally tend to lean the side of the technically proficient verse overall - I personally thought that the writers voice Etherwave spoke louder to me than Objective’s verse did this round. Two good takes on the topic, entirely different in their approach and execution, but we have to pick a winner. I’ll try to go more in depth in the magazine for you both. Thank you for showing.

[sral]

@Mr. J @Regulator @Candy @Dope girl @Master Rock @White LGI @Witty @xDimand Emreldx @Bodey @Unfukwitable

[Etherwave]

Etherwave

This was a cute little piece about the human brain, spirit, and body trying to connect and finding disconnection instead. How could you misspell governs after reading it 1000 times? Smh. I'll personally never forgive you.

Some nice little lines. Nice flow.

Objective

This was a lovely piece about the artist, very creative and well written. Very little to add to this as it was perfectly artistic

That being said

Mvgt Objective

[Etherwave]

It'd be unethical to vote myself and the show must go on. I'm ready to see the next topic.

[Objective]

I ain't gonna let you do me like that.

Objective - Interesting concept. The sentences could have been polished a bit more tho.

Etherwave - The more philosophical piece of the two. Interesting concept and thought provoking.

Vote - Eitherwave

Lars will cook up a vote in time, trust

[Master Rock]

I’m packing for a trip. I’m gonna try to drop a quick vote on this later tonight if I get a chance.

[sral]

Voted.

[Dope girl]

This is tough choice both vs polished and solid

I enjoy reading both I like Etherwave more
I felt like her vs more polished compare to Object

Vote-Etherwave

[Master Rock]

Overall, on this battle, they both did their thing. Etherwave was way more thought-provoking. But objective putting lot of work in regards to craft and building as well as technique It had rhythm and vibes throughout. If I have more time, I would explain more deeply, but I’m giving this objective

[sral]

2-2 TIE, COME ON EVERYONE LETS TRY GET THEM ANOTHER VOTE IN HERE TO BREAK THE DEADLOCK - WHAT A CRAZILY CLOSE SEMI FINAL BATTLE! @Witty @Answer @Mr. J @Regulator @White LGI @Candy @EvilMinDed