TTT Round One: Candy vs Mike Wrecka

[Objective]

Candy - I like the picture you're painting in the first stanza, I would however try to not repeat words so close to each other. The word "genius" is said twice in 3 lines for example. Also having a slight issue understanding where you'll be going with this, but I definitely appreciate the improvements I keep saying you do on the rhyming. Internals and I can tel you've spent some time on this as opposed to earlier works I've seen from you.

The Apocalypse, hell yeah. I also enjoy the imagery of cherry hill. Starting to see where the topic comes into play now.

In regards of repeating words here is an example of it being done right imo:
he was the woodsman they speak of we assume clamper oh we clampered
^Repeating "clamper" adds on to it all it doesn't seem repetitive, you're underlining it with purpose with "oh we clampered". Good stuff.

All in all this is yet another written of yours that has surpassed your earlier work for me. I've really enjoyed watching you progress over the years and there's still tons of potential there. I feel like you're finally starting to settle in with a style that feels more and more like yours.

Mike Wrecka - First 4 lines straight to the point, fluid and painting a picture I relate to the topic given as well.

YOU never left my bedside after the cancer emerged,
^Damn, that's rough.

Ye, don't really got much to add on or highlight as the story as a whole is pretty easily degiestible, is a solid write up and just is what it is. You build character and plot development throughout, a pretty dark and depressive story told well and that's about it.

Vote - Mike Wrecka. He's simply the more experienced and seasoned writer of the two and it shows, but that should not detract from Candy's obvious improvements in writing as of late. Good showing from both.