TTT Round One: White_LGI vs Symetrik

[sral]

The Topical Tourney 2024



Due Dates:
Verses this week are due Thursday and will be open until Sunday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:



@White_LGI @symetrik

[symetrik]

cheque

Candy vs Mike - http://www.netcees.org/showpost.php?...19&postcount=8
Objective vs Mr J. - http://www.netcees.org/showpost.php?...2&postcount=10
Etherwave vs Master Rock - http://www.netcees.org/showpost.php?...4&postcount=12

[sral]

@White LGI

[Regulator]

I can fill in here if needed.

[symetrik]

Originally Posted by Regulator

I can fill in here if needed.

Start writing - I accept it if it's needed :)

[symetrik]

Need an extension into Friday, work got me. just kidding

[symetrik]

when I get home from school, I eat some cauliflower as slowly as I can,
then gather my studying tools (a pen and a pad, and the notes that were from class);
I take a moment to pee and then wash my hands if only to procrastinate it,
cuz I can’t pretend this political homework has me even remotely fascinated;
you might notice the lack of interest in my eyes that are vacant holes,
cuz it’s always back to the basics, but the black and white takes always blow,

and I honestly hate it; I know that I’m supposed to be focused,
but I’ve been re-reading the same sentence for more than a few moments,
cuz my thoughts have been swiftly swooping like a swarm of locusts,
or undiagnosed A.D.D. that has desperately begged to be noticed,
and then prescribed pills that promised within the first day you’d be creating an opus,
or mix up frogs and other gross objects into a magical potion…

but all of it’s bogus, and I realize that I’m lost in my thoughts,
I’m so distractable, and I’m sure it’s gonna cost me a lot…
I've got a tall problem to solve, an essay to write, with only a couple of days,
but I’ll be god damned if I take the time while I'm wandering this mental maze,
the lighting’s lame, the walls are blank, the aesthetic screams that grey matters…
then a study-bug scutters under my foot, and I smush it; a dozen more scatter.

“Hey, batter, batter!!”

now I’m wearing a glove and a ballcap and looking up to my subconscious floating above,
”Where’s the laughter, mad hatter?” Alice asks as she offers me some colourful drugs.
where is the laughter, anyway? fuck, I could make things enjoyable no matter how lame…
I lift my face from my hands and shake out the daydream, which quickly fades from my brain.

I was preparing to rest…; now I’m ready to resume reading this… nefarious text
cuz maybe I’m gonna learn to exhume bodies… when the town doesn’t properly bury their dead
or draw swords… with Italian wards and practice… parrying threats…
or become… such a powerful… mage the other wizards of yore... couldn’t compare me to them…

or maybe… I’ll just be a doctor like my parents had said…
and do… well enough that I… help keep my family barely in debt…
(yawn)... they patted my head before I’m carried to bed…

[sral]

Fire. @Regulator what you got?

[Regulator]

Originally Posted by sral

Fire. @Regulator what you got?

If i can fill in ill post today.

[sral]

You have around 12 hours to post.

[Regulator]

I would never have imagined by 45.. a stack of suicide notes would be this organized.
Because life was a clusterfuck before the lies, to me every word I saw was warning signs,
That left me borderline, I couldn't even follow the storyline of my own boring life.
The origin of what led me toward the knife, a mile in my shoes will render you mortified.

A smile I refuse, what I choose to prioritize, that’s the reason I stand on a burning stage.
The bird of prey was every word or phrase I stumbled upon after I turned the page,
Because I thought the finale was worth the wait, an ending bitter sweet like purple haze.
From a victory to an early grave, my misery will continue to circulate at the pearly gates.

I learned not to judge a book by its cover, what about the death notes that stack high.
Shit I’m dead broke from last time, especially after receipts exposed the black eye.
The wedding chapel is the only place I want to be where the dress code is black ties.
Where you drown after you step in battle, the drama is just an echo from back slides.

A Lot of shit is left unraveled, ashes were left behind, then we saw the smoking heads.
Navigating life’s like walking over grave sights, think how many times we woke the dead,
Trying to put the skeletal remains back together, like bones where woven threads.
Maybe that’s how you can sew every hole that’s left, until they reopen, it’s no regret.

Opponents? Next..

For most people this book was hard to open, guarded until someone broke the seal.
Promoting death is what I became known for, it’s like necromancy was the chosen field.
You would find a dead body revolting, that's how I keep focus, for me it’s a frozen meal.
These letters are overwhelming, just looking for a signature spot, to close the deal.


"Because if I had the balls to blow my brains out, I should be able to put my name on it"

[sral]

OPEN FOR VOTES!!!!

[Mike Wrecka]

God damn this is a ridiculously close battle.

Sym - love the structure, cadence and flow. Great use of multis. Top notch mechanics. Very impressed. Your take on the topic however, imo, was dog shit tbh. For one, reading a verse that is mainly about someone procrastinating to write a paper is boring af. It also lacked any emotion except maybe a slight touch of anxiousness. Idk man. BUT that being said your verbal acrobatics kept it afloat. And it would sound great as an audio.

Dia - was actually super impressed with the level you’ve reached. On par with symetriks advanced flow and structure for the first HALF of your verse. But then it tailed off a bit. I’m assuming the time crunch you were under had a lot to do with that. That being said you had a much better take on the topic.


Difficult choice here, do I go with the better take on the topic or the better flow and structure. If Dia was able to sustain his first half level throughout his verse I’d give it to him but that slight inconsistency has me leaning towards Sym


Vote- Sym

[Master Rock]

Crazy dope take on this gents.
Amazing work.
This is a difficult choice....but I am going to focus on who made the the visual piece come alive.
and that was Sym, "I've got a tall problem to solve, an essay to write, with only a couple of days,
but I’ll be god damned if I take the time while I'm wandering this mental maze,
the lighting’s lame, the walls are blank, the aesthetic screams that grey matters…
then a study-bug scutters under my foot, and I smush it; a dozen more scatter."
that was crazy...loved it.
But Regulator had nice bars such as, "Navigating life’s like walking over grave sights, think how many times we woke the dead,
Trying to put the skeletal remains back together, like bones where woven threads." I love this visual.

But other than that Sym gets this slightly by scattering grey matter.

[Etherwave]

I like how you both related the picture to different mental struggles. Adhd and suicidal ideation and what not. I saw the picture before anyone wrote and wondered what yall would come up with.

SYM (As they've been calling you, and I'll join in)

but all of it’s bogus, and I realize that I’m lost in my thoughts,
I’m so distractable, and I’m sure it’s gonna cost me a lot… this is my favorite part. The whole world you bring to life here, the character...it's vibrant and....familiar. I don't know. Very creative I'm burnt out on voting cause i worked 71 hours this weak, so imma be a little short, but In summary, I loved this story. The best thing is it ending in exhaustion that's very whole and creative

Reg

I wanted you to rhyme clusterfuck so bad I don't know why, lol. I really loved this piece though. Very emotional and edgy. Beautiful flow.

Both being great pieces, the only thing that sets them a part with me, is energy. I felt that Sym had more energy and life to his story. Granted the other is about suicide I think, so it wouldnt be full of life, but that's not what I mean, the picture gives hyperactive brain, overload type vibe and I think Sym captured that perfectly. Really the only difference in creativity that I see to make a choice. They were both on point. But the first thing I kind of thought of was a bad ass kid when I saw the picture. So I just related more to it with regards to the topic.
V-Sym

[Objective]

Symetrik - Interesting image choice you guys got, will be cool to see how you both approach it.

when I get home from school, I eat some cauliflower as slowly as I can,
then gather my studying tools (a pen and a pad, and the notes that were from class);
^Enjoying the scene, would maybe try to remove some syllables here and there in the second line (and the notes that were from class), things like that so it doesn't seem more stretched than it is. Nitpicking, obviously

Politics always bored me too, haha. Unless we were discussing it freely so I can kinda relate to this.
cuz my thoughts have been swiftly swooping like a swarm of locusts,
^Nice

“Hey, batter, batter!!”

now I’m wearing a glove and a ballcap and looking up to my subconscious floating above,
”Where’s the laughter, mad hatter?” Alice asks as she offers me some colourful drugs.
where is the laughter, anyway? fuck, I could make things enjoyable no matter how lame…
I lift my face from my hands and shake out the daydream, which quickly fades from my brain.
^This I enjoyed, some meat to the story and developing the plot and mindstate.

I think up until the lighting lame, bugs being smushed and "ballcap and looking up to my subconscious floating above" might have taken a little long to start off your verse with something more than explaining in fine detail what your protagaonist don't enjoy about school and politics. I thoroughly enjoyed the development of potential A.D.D. making school even more difficult which is a pretty important detail as to why the rest doesn't come to them as easily. I'm torn between mentioning it earlier than u did, or that it's nice to get introduced to as we get to know his school situation and mind better.

All in all I enjoyed the read from the mind of what I now understand to be a pretty young child and not a teenager which I first envisioned. That's also another detail that might be smart to include earlier on as opposed to the end. Pretty direct take but decent showing overall. Good shit.

Regulator - Opener hits hard. Especially seeing how many people in my extended group of friends etc. have taken their own lives the past 10 years. Ye, the first stanza is dope to me and I like the character development and direction you're taking already.

Don't really got too much to say other than that I like the story and progression, a person with suicide notes and a rough life trying to stay afloat while deep in misery and grief along with suicidal ideation.

Vote - Regulator. His story hit me on an emotional level and I enjoyed the direction throughout. It seemed more together in a way, and not as abstract all of a sudden that I found Symetrik's piece to take which stylistically switched it up a little (which is fine and even wanted most of the time, it just was a bit abrupt considering the finer details and slower pace earlier) Personally for me I think I would have leaned towards Symetrik if the the most interesting parts (to me) came a bit earlier like the mad hatter, their relation to that, school and their parents, their age and who they are to paint the picture of our student a little clearer earlier like Regulator did on his opening line.

Liked the battle and read from both, interesting topic and it was cool to see how the writers attacked it