Master Rock vs Scar

symetrik · 07-10-2023, 11:45 AM

mvgt Master Rock

topic: I'm seeing an old couple on the beach at a sunset, but the sun is a glowing brain. I'd move in the direction of alzheimers/mental decline and drive that point home.

rock:
cool narrative, covers a lot of ground, with strong images. some of the pacing felt a little weird/off. story of betrayal it seems.

scar:
definitely lighter imo, good opening although the age of the subjects seems hella wrong. much smoother flow, but the second half, two-thirds, seems disconnected - even though it forms a cohesive story, it doesn't seem related to the topic that well.

this is a tough vote for me, I think scar delivered a smoother read and rock a more emotional read. neither approached the topic the way I expected but I think rock was closer to staying on topic, so I'm giving it there

07-10-2023, 11:45 AM	#1
symetrik Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 710 Battle Record: 5-7 Rep Power: 12429299	mvgt Master Rock topic: I'm seeing an old couple on the beach at a sunset, but the sun is a glowing brain. I'd move in the direction of alzheimers/mental decline and drive that point home. rock: cool narrative, covers a lot of ground, with strong images. some of the pacing felt a little weird/off. story of betrayal it seems. scar: definitely lighter imo, good opening although the age of the subjects seems hella wrong. much smoother flow, but the second half, two-thirds, seems disconnected - even though it forms a cohesive story, it doesn't seem related to the topic that well. this is a tough vote for me, I think scar delivered a smoother read and rock a more emotional read. neither approached the topic the way I expected but I think rock was closer to staying on topic, so I'm giving it there