The Shadowlands Revisit

Adverse · 08-20-2022, 11:57 PM

Hey man, this was a pretty good read first and foremost.

This isn’t like a profound take on the topic of death, I mean it’s real “A Christmas Carol” esque, but in the same breath I think your take was original enough to stand on its own as well. I liked the fact of death coming disguised as a fairy, obviously nobody’s going to go anywhere with death so the notion of it coming as another entity is awesome.

I liked all the imagery you laid out here and the way the scenes shift, the revelation later on that these weren’t just whimsical scenes a fairy was whisking someone away too, but were actual moments from Mary’s life being relived. The imagery was awesome throughout

“through the glimmering palette Mary saw a shimmering palace
sorrounded by seraphs singing a ballad with lingering malice
mannequin Prince Charming stood freezing in an alarming sequence
sparkling beacons of reasons why she never received darling treatments”

Great stuff here, and then reality starts shattering around the protagonist, this little Alice in Wonderland journey starts to fall into a darker territory

“stricken with grief Mary felt an uneasy urge to quickly retreat
tripling the speed made the ticking increase, she tripped on her feet
falling.. as colors of solemn temperance gave an automn semblance
recollecting forgotten emblems resembling the crestfallen presence”

Think this was my favorite section of the whole piece. Really good, could even feel her fear radiating off of it.

“ onwards to a bleak view of the essential tree..
rooted in hope, now grey and decayed stood there rotten
beneath it Mary spotted her family inside wooden boxes
an awareness asked itself, what was the purpose of Mary?”

Was also great and the lack of rhyme in the last line kind of added to it in my opinion

Overall this was a great piece, I was immersed in this world you created and you did an awesome job pacing it. I’m a fan wish you could have hopped in the AOWL

08-20-2022, 11:57 PM	#2
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	Hey man, this was a pretty good read first and foremost. This isn’t like a profound take on the topic of death, I mean it’s real “A Christmas Carol” esque, but in the same breath I think your take was original enough to stand on its own as well. I liked the fact of death coming disguised as a fairy, obviously nobody’s going to go anywhere with death so the notion of it coming as another entity is awesome. I liked all the imagery you laid out here and the way the scenes shift, the revelation later on that these weren’t just whimsical scenes a fairy was whisking someone away too, but were actual moments from Mary’s life being relived. The imagery was awesome throughout “through the glimmering palette Mary saw a shimmering palace sorrounded by seraphs singing a ballad with lingering malice mannequin Prince Charming stood freezing in an alarming sequence sparkling beacons of reasons why she never received darling treatments” Great stuff here, and then reality starts shattering around the protagonist, this little Alice in Wonderland journey starts to fall into a darker territory “stricken with grief Mary felt an uneasy urge to quickly retreat tripling the speed made the ticking increase, she tripped on her feet falling.. as colors of solemn temperance gave an automn semblance recollecting forgotten emblems resembling the crestfallen presence” Think this was my favorite section of the whole piece. Really good, could even feel her fear radiating off of it. “ onwards to a bleak view of the essential tree.. rooted in hope, now grey and decayed stood there rotten beneath it Mary spotted her family inside wooden boxes an awareness asked itself, what was the purpose of Mary?” Was also great and the lack of rhyme in the last line kind of added to it in my opinion Overall this was a great piece, I was immersed in this world you created and you did an awesome job pacing it. I’m a fan wish you could have hopped in the AOWL