WEEK FIFTEEN: ADVERSE (6-4) vs NIGMA (0-0) ADVERSE WINS 5-2

dead man · 08-06-2022, 03:34 PM

adverse, lmao. i had an aha moment when i realized you were writing AS casey anthony. this is the kind of verse you really have to read 3-4x to catch all the little things. awesome.

its kind of weird that she doesnt actually seem to... feel bad? i am assuming thats either a deliberate choice, rather than ineffective emotive writing. but you did posit it almost as something she EXPECTED which i dug a lot. loved this take on the topic.

thanks

EEE nigma -

ok. so.

it's inside me... limitless exist.. if i.. ate.. three....?
one a day, they'll come to say, a gift from the great tree

bolded really threw me off this whole segment tbh. but it was clear where you were taking it, pacing and rhythm was there. some of it's content felt sort of LOST inside how you were trying to describe it.

not really vibing with some of the descriptors ie. "breaking down in large ways, aching in an arched craze, pestilent to posture"

"tell the cravings no offence like describing the Ark's railings"

noah fence okkkk

"simple minds improve, and even ghastly thoughts will pass and quit
the moon, it's bluish hue, it's sadness soothing as a phantoms kiss
nutrients of fruit, i torch forbidden trees like candle wicks
intelligence of serpents that'll match the wits of basilisks"

fav portion

no wait, human species / universe's kundalini is SICK

so, you sort of gave yourself not too much to work with here in terms of a direction to move. eve want apple -> consequence

there was a lot to do starting OFF with this premise but i think you boxed it a bit and sort of just flexed ABILITY and descriptors over forward movement from top to bottom.

it had some great writing, stale content

adverse had a better balance of both

v adverse

08-06-2022, 03:34 PM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	adverse, lmao. i had an aha moment when i realized you were writing AS casey anthony. this is the kind of verse you really have to read 3-4x to catch all the little things. awesome. its kind of weird that she doesnt actually seem to... feel bad? i am assuming thats either a deliberate choice, rather than ineffective emotive writing. but you did posit it almost as something she EXPECTED which i dug a lot. loved this take on the topic. thanks EEE nigma - ok. so. it's inside me... limitless exist.. if i.. ate.. three....? one a day, they'll come to say, a gift from the great tree bolded really threw me off this whole segment tbh. but it was clear where you were taking it, pacing and rhythm was there. some of it's content felt sort of LOST inside how you were trying to describe it. not really vibing with some of the descriptors ie. "breaking down in large ways, aching in an arched craze, pestilent to posture" "tell the cravings no offence like describing the Ark's railings" noah fence okkkk "simple minds improve, and even ghastly thoughts will pass and quit the moon, it's bluish hue, it's sadness soothing as a phantoms kiss nutrients of fruit, i torch forbidden trees like candle wicks intelligence of serpents that'll match the wits of basilisks" fav portion no wait, human species / universe's kundalini is SICK so, you sort of gave yourself not too much to work with here in terms of a direction to move. eve want apple -> consequence there was a lot to do starting OFF with this premise but i think you boxed it a bit and sort of just flexed ABILITY and descriptors over forward movement from top to bottom. it had some great writing, stale content adverse had a better balance of both v adverse __________________ Zack Wicks for president