bars bars bars

[Answer]

I don't know nothing bout that wall street style that you rap
I got a rifle upstairs.. when I bring the stock down there ain't no rallying back
Don’t tell me lies about your money and the amount that you have
The macs about to hit your whole team if you give me any salary cap
Beanie propeller.. the chopper fly a round in your cap
You seein smoke at the highest level, right before a tower collapse
Got a bird in the hood, give the falcon a cap
u a stepping stone til I pull out the weapon and get crowned excalibur fast
driving by your house and then clap
like I write my verses in the notebook, I put a round in your pad
bullets on tape, I need the sound to relax
the 4 rings on your grill, the best Audi in class
im with your old girl who let me pound in ass
Your exes on dates all over me like the calendars packed
like I'm trynna balance the math in an algebra class
the numbers are all on my side but I can't figure out your value from that
I got a Tool for good measure, keep a caliper packed
The minute you poke your head in, I’m snapping on em like a mouse in a trap
he saw the tech and ransomware, he aint bout what he rap
He a fake link, if I pull out the mac I'm clicking on a talentless hack
You from suburban new york, I really doubt that you blast
I'm sizing up your whole area like calculus math
You fire, until you rap about your rounds in the mag
hall monitor, just cause you got some shit dont mean I'll allow you a pass

[Answer]

@Blue Bayou @Dominate

any of this salvageable. I'm really just looking for one strong punch off this rhymescheme

[Aero]

Originally Posted by Answer

@Blue Bayou @Dominate

any of this salvageable. I'm really just looking for one strong punch off this rhymescheme

Bro stop playing me like I'm not elite I should've been included in the mention. Dom and Blue are dope, my favorite people but they're nerds. I'll tell you what hits.

I don't know nothing bout that wall street style that you rap
I got a rifle upstairs.. when I bring the stock down there ain't no rallying back
LOL'ed.. this would work live as a jab
Don’t tell me lies about your money and the amount that you have
The macs about to hit your whole team if you give me any salary cap
Dope concept for text. Could work live but it'd be one of those rewind and you find there's more to find
Beanie propeller.. the chopper fly a round in your cap
You seein smoke at the highest level, right before a tower collapse
K
Got a bird in the hood, give the falcon a cap
u a stepping stone til I pull out the weapon and get crowned excalibur fast
Dope concept, reworded
driving by your house and then clap
like I write my verses in the notebook, I put a round in your pad
K
bullets on tape, I need the sound to relax
the 4 rings on your grill, the best Audi in class
Nice and works live
im with your old girl who let me pound in ass
Your exes on dates all over me like the calendars packed
Needs more
like I'm trynna balance the math in an algebra class
the numbers are all on my side but I can't figure out your value from that
Haha dope concept with some wording
I got a Tool for good measure, keep a caliper packed
The minute you poke your head in, I’m snapping on em like a mouse in a trap
Cool
he saw the tech and ransomware, he aint bout what he rap
He a fake link, if I pull out the mac I'm clicking on a talentless hack
You could use the "he saw the tech and ransomware" as a stand alone.. Wouldn't even need a great setup or setup at all.. Fire
You fire, until you rap about your rounds in the mag
Hall monitor, he got some shit so yall allow him a pass
There's a concept in here somewhere

[Dominate]

A few of these are useable but

the 4 rings on your grill, the best Audi in class

^ this is the best one for a live battle IMO.

Haven't forgotten you with that other feedback, I will get to it probably Sunday.

[Answer]

damn i really thought the hall monitor bar was it

i want something that's sure to hit. My only real concern about the audi bar is it might be played and the wording is quite as clean as I'd like it to be for the "Audi in class" part, but I have to fit the rhyme

[Dominate]

Aero and I both liked the Audi bar and we’ve been around forever. Blue is an authority on what’s played though, see what he thinks.

Hall monitor is OK too. What kind of bars are you dropping leading in to this line? Light hearted and jokey or gun bars?

‘Got some shit’ - explain the non toilet joke side of this to me. I think the set up can be better, unless this is a personal the crowd will know and I don’t.

[Dominate]

The 4 rings on your grill, what kinda Audi is that?

Maybe

[Answer]

Originally Posted by Dominate

Aero and I both liked the Audi bar and we’ve been around forever. Blue is an authority on what’s played though, see what he thinks.

Hall monitor is OK too. What kind of bars are you dropping leading in to this line? Light hearted and jokey or gun bars?

‘Got some shit’ - explain the non toilet joke side of this to me. I think the set up can be better, unless this is a personal the crowd will know and I don’t.

like "That was a dope verse, you've got some shit" just meaning he has some good bars. just thought it was unique/clever/funny, nothing else to it

the intro bars are the same as what i sent, there's a movie scheme at the beginning that I'm def keeping followed by:

I told yall it'd be a movie, so they snuck a couple nerds in here
I HATE... MOTHERFUCKERS... WITH WORKING EARS
Talk violent, it will turn severe
No silencer, fuck muffling a shot, I wanna know the last thing you heard was... CLEAR
I'm banging with a colt like Allison Mack
The Big Show, if you hear "Well.." I'm coming out with a strap
I pull up in the whip and put a round in em fast
The 4 rings on your grill, what kinda Audi is that
you got the deaf bars, I'm already waiting
Don't gotta hear a pin drop.. to see a pin drop - on your location
I'm in all black.. with a long mac.. and a volatile agent
I take you out when it ring.. like a call in the matrix


there's also the consideration that the audi and matrix both have a "ring" play on them. Not sure if it's far enough apart. But I'm keeping these sort of "hearing" bars at the beginning of round 1 together. If I have to choose, I prefer the matrix bar to the audi one, personally

[Dominate]

Yeah, I think Audi fits better there.

Hall monitor is a fun wp but you have to concede he has some good bars for it so I think nah. I was thinking ‘got some shit’ as in he had some shit he was going through. Keep the idea for another time when the surrounding bars are also more jokey.

[NYCSPITZ]

God damn @ that stock line

This was fire

[Blue Bayou]

The stock opener is dope imo.. good concept done straightforward enough it's really good for live

I can't speak on thr Audi thing being played in live battles as I haven't really watched many over the last 10 years or so... but I've defintely seen multiple 4 rings/rounds on your hood/grill etc before... so it could be a risk



I told yall it'd be a movie, so they snuck a couple nerds in here
I HATE... MOTHERFUCKERS... WITH WORKING EARS
Talk violent, it will turn severe
No silencer, fuck muffling a shot, I wanna know the last thing you heard was... CLEAR
I'm banging with a colt like Allison Mack
The Big Show, if you hear "Well.." I'm coming out with a strap
I pull up in the whip and put a round in em fast
The 4 rings on your grill, what kinda Audi is that
you got the deaf bars, I'm already waiting
Don't gotta hear a pin drop.. to see a pin drop - on your location
I'm in all black.. with a long mac.. and a volatile agent
I take you out when it ring.. like a call in the matrix

^ this whole segment is pretty dope to me.


I will say the first verse you posted, while I commend you for being able to carry it thru nicely , I find the individual bars themselves pretty mid.
Flow looks top notch and its impressive writing, but from a don Demarco standpoint it kindve seems like your forgoing potential bangers to carry out a long multi scheme that while solid is a bit underwhelming from what you're capable of / have shown in the past.

I could envision a scenario where it'll be cool that you carry out the multi for so long but a lot of the lines won't be applauded and there'll be a big chunk without a "wow factor " so to speak if that makes sense

[Blue Bayou]

I also quite liked the calendar/ Xs on Dates bar... wording and setup was so clean

[Answer]

Originally Posted by Blue Bayou

I will say the first verse you posted, while I commend you for being able to carry it thru nicely , I find the individual bars themselves pretty mid.
Flow looks top notch and its impressive writing, but from a don Demarco standpoint it kindve seems like your forgoing potential bangers to carry out a long multi scheme that while solid is a bit underwhelming from what you're capable of / have shown in the past.

nah I'm using the second verse for the battle. I just really want to use the bars:

I'm banging with a colt like Allison Mack
The big show, if you hear well I'm coming out with a strap


but I dont feel like either of them are good enough to end the 4 bar segment, I'm trying to come up with 2 more bars. Ideally I want a big punch at the end of it. I just wrote all these bars in hopes that one would land as a surefire haymaker, and it doesn't sound like any of them are. I'm throwing the rest of them out or just reusing some of them in a battle I don't really care about

[Dominate]

calendar bar was my next favourite

but "packed" isn't quite right for having Xs on a calendar. Something about a countdown maybe. Or just

Exes on dates all over me like a calendar has