WEEK ELEVEN CONTENDERS: DOMINATE (7-1) vs DEAD MAN (0-0) DEAD WINS

Adverse · 07-01-2022, 01:37 AM

Dom - hate that you couldn’t finish this. Really liked the direction you were going with this one and I’m sure you thought you had it won when dead hadn’t shown yet. The story progressed well, you did a great job with your description of scenes especially in the beginning stanza. Also liked how you had the big reveal going that Marco was going into the ground, but not to be buried, to escape instead. Liked that breaking of the mold and your story reminded me of that gruesome news story recently of all the dead immigrants found in that truck in San Antonio. Thought that was the direction you were going with this one, but was really impressed either way. You’re a great writer and if you stay in and complete your verse next week you’ll be right back here before long.

Dead man - this isn’t the DM I’ve grown accustomed to, that’s not a bad thing but I just felt this story was even more emotionally raw than your usual. You could feel the frustration in your author’s voice as you told his side of the story. Kind of reminded me of “I’m sorry” by Joyner Lucas but saying things like “you fucking suck” and what not really humanized this for me because watching somebody leave the earth via suicide is a frustrating thing, and watching the people left behind to unravel the mess isn’t enjoyable either. Really good for every reason that your usual deadman verse is enjoyable. Told an excellent narrative.

I think this could have been different had Dom been able to have a full story told, but all hopes of him winning went down the drain with his abrupt ending that turns almost parodic on itself. dead man wrote a great verse here and deserves the W

V:Dead Man

07-01-2022, 01:37 AM	#5
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	Dom - hate that you couldn’t finish this. Really liked the direction you were going with this one and I’m sure you thought you had it won when dead hadn’t shown yet. The story progressed well, you did a great job with your description of scenes especially in the beginning stanza. Also liked how you had the big reveal going that Marco was going into the ground, but not to be buried, to escape instead. Liked that breaking of the mold and your story reminded me of that gruesome news story recently of all the dead immigrants found in that truck in San Antonio. Thought that was the direction you were going with this one, but was really impressed either way. You’re a great writer and if you stay in and complete your verse next week you’ll be right back here before long. Dead man - this isn’t the DM I’ve grown accustomed to, that’s not a bad thing but I just felt this story was even more emotionally raw than your usual. You could feel the frustration in your author’s voice as you told his side of the story. Kind of reminded me of “I’m sorry” by Joyner Lucas but saying things like “you fucking suck” and what not really humanized this for me because watching somebody leave the earth via suicide is a frustrating thing, and watching the people left behind to unravel the mess isn’t enjoyable either. Really good for every reason that your usual deadman verse is enjoyable. Told an excellent narrative. I think this could have been different had Dom been able to have a full story told, but all hopes of him winning went down the drain with his abrupt ending that turns almost parodic on itself. dead man wrote a great verse here and deserves the W V:Dead Man