WEEK FIVE: CANDY (0-4) vs FRANK (0-0) FRANK WINS 5-1

Adverse · 04-29-2022, 11:04 AM

Candy- I don’t know what Hal0 is understanding on a “deeper level” here maybe my third eye hasn’t been opened or some shit. I liked your approach last week, the storyline was almost linear and it had some cool setting usage/characters. This week was a jumbled mess, This week was a mess in my eyes, it’s like you see your topic, say “okay” and proceed to keystyle 100 lines that don’t even really pertain to it. Was really hard to follow and littered with the n word just because you wanted to say it. Topicals can work with super weird topics (see every Universe verse for reference) but there’s little to no thought process in your writing, it’s honestly on par with Sinacog.

Frank - this was a nice verse. Can see why you’re a former champion right here. The use of poetic language, bringing the visuals to life, alliteration. Stuff like that makes for a great written. Repetition is a slippery slope but I think it worked in your favor here, came off less annoying and flowed well like a poem, had a real Langston Hughes vibe to it. Didn’t think you had any kind of problem here winning.

V/Frank more coherent and entertaining m, as well as a bigger showing of skill

04-29-2022, 11:04 AM	#1
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	Candy- I don’t know what Hal0 is understanding on a “deeper level” here maybe my third eye hasn’t been opened or some shit. I liked your approach last week, the storyline was almost linear and it had some cool setting usage/characters. This week was a jumbled mess, This week was a mess in my eyes, it’s like you see your topic, say “okay” and proceed to keystyle 100 lines that don’t even really pertain to it. Was really hard to follow and littered with the n word just because you wanted to say it. Topicals can work with super weird topics (see every Universe verse for reference) but there’s little to no thought process in your writing, it’s honestly on par with Sinacog. Frank - this was a nice verse. Can see why you’re a former champion right here. The use of poetic language, bringing the visuals to life, alliteration. Stuff like that makes for a great written. Repetition is a slippery slope but I think it worked in your favor here, came off less annoying and flowed well like a poem, had a real Langston Hughes vibe to it. Didn’t think you had any kind of problem here winning. V/Frank more coherent and entertaining m, as well as a bigger showing of skill