DL round 1 (Objective vs Candy)- Objective Wins

Pharaohs Army · 08-20-2021, 01:40 AM

candy:

this whole thing must be very metaphorical because it's kind of hard to follow.

some parts I'm just at a loss for what they mean. Let me give you an example

before it dies, by meek rised inside sight..

This means nothing to me. It sounds like jibberish. Sorry if there's a meaning there for you but I got nothing.

This is just one example.
Your writing is poetic and has rhymes and in that respect it is good. But you're just so damn ABSTRACT. One week I want to see you go the literal route and put together a story or a linear verse.

Not saying there's nothing to this. There is definitely emotion in this piece from start to finish. It's just not my cup of tea.

Objective:

Seems like I've been complaining a lot but I don't really have any complaints with your piece here.

I enjoyed some of the rhymes like attention-seeking sentient being lol.

But there were a bunch of couplets like that where you had good rhymes.

The story is good, you built momentum and gave suspense for a guy on a tightrope above the street.

The ending is kinda sad, but it is what it is.

This gets my vote here V Objective

Regarding what I said to Candy, it's just a personal preference thing about your abstractness. Maybe out of fairness I'll abstain from voting on your contests from here on out.

08-20-2021, 01:40 AM	#8
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	candy: this whole thing must be very metaphorical because it's kind of hard to follow. some parts I'm just at a loss for what they mean. Let me give you an example before it dies, by meek rised inside sight.. This means nothing to me. It sounds like jibberish. Sorry if there's a meaning there for you but I got nothing. This is just one example. Your writing is poetic and has rhymes and in that respect it is good. But you're just so damn ABSTRACT. One week I want to see you go the literal route and put together a story or a linear verse. Not saying there's nothing to this. There is definitely emotion in this piece from start to finish. It's just not my cup of tea. Objective: Seems like I've been complaining a lot but I don't really have any complaints with your piece here. I enjoyed some of the rhymes like attention-seeking sentient being lol. But there were a bunch of couplets like that where you had good rhymes. The story is good, you built momentum and gave suspense for a guy on a tightrope above the street. The ending is kinda sad, but it is what it is. This gets my vote here V Objective Regarding what I said to Candy, it's just a personal preference thing about your abstractness. Maybe out of fairness I'll abstain from voting on your contests from here on out.