Time heals, my love

Eŋg · 04-05-2021, 09:23 AM

your phrasing has somewhat improved, and the writing from a purely mechanical perspective is tighter. but there's more to writing. the tone of this piece seemed a bit awry in of itself, and i mean beyond the fairly obvious structural shift two thirds of the way down. that said:

I'll hold your sadistic hips to the rhythm of what we escape from.
I view nature and humans as fate that's construed to chained love,
like fabled greek mysteries and what freak prophecies are made of.

i wonder if your meaning or sentiment here actually resonates... with you? much less me. it feels a bit like something to say because it sounds tidy, or fits into this presupposed box of what writing is/should be on these forums. take sources of inspiration, from as many places as you can, but use it to help find (not lose) yourself in the process. parts of this felt a bit rote.

you're generally going to grow more from constructive criticisms than lavish praise. if my friend is gassing me up constantly he isn't a friend but a sycophant. not just you, rule of thumb. keep writing.

04-05-2021, 09:23 AM	#7
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	your phrasing has somewhat improved, and the writing from a purely mechanical perspective is tighter. but there's more to writing. the tone of this piece seemed a bit awry in of itself, and i mean beyond the fairly obvious structural shift two thirds of the way down. that said: I'll hold your sadistic hips to the rhythm of what we escape from. I view nature and humans as fate that's construed to chained love, like fabled greek mysteries and what freak prophecies are made of. i wonder if your meaning or sentiment here actually resonates... with you? much less me. it feels a bit like something to say because it sounds tidy, or fits into this presupposed box of what writing is/should be on these forums. take sources of inspiration, from as many places as you can, but use it to help find (not lose) yourself in the process. parts of this felt a bit rote. you're generally going to grow more from constructive criticisms than lavish praise. if my friend is gassing me up constantly he isn't a friend but a sycophant. not just you, rule of thumb. keep writing.