WEEK SEVEN CHAMP MATCH: UNIVERSE 6-0 vs SCAR 3-0 UNIVERSE WINS VIA NS OPEN FOR FEED

MMLP · 01-21-2021, 01:36 PM

That mask lol, looks a carbon copy to the one Stanley hipkiss donned lol. Gonna give ya some play by play decent feedback since youre signing out. Detailed, honest critique incoming. im expecting dopeness tho

One key component to producing a great long verse (as you do) is to have some sort of enticing start, whether it be content wise, technical, challenging, mysterious etc.. which u did!!!… Usually with you there’s more antics going on and links and titles etc lol…. I just wanna get stuck in you know? you know this lol, said it often enough, never affects my viewpoint of your stuff after reading though. just a personal preference I guess (EDIT: I see why you did this tho)

There’s soo much word association going on here to admire (too many to highlight), direct tie ins to the pic (edit: throughout) at the start whilst painting this narrative, digging this..

NITPICKING: the ‘didn’t work out’ punchline ive heard a few times, not gonna lie mate but it doesn’t bother me, I appreciate subtle wordplay and punches within a piece, hard to do, u do it a few times in this. Mine (punchy schemes) for example are obvious n spoon fed, I just hate the idea they might slip past ppl haha

I get the feeling this was written much faster than your usual stuff, like ahh sod it , get it out the way yet it’s coming together very smoothly and engaging. Top tier writing all round (except a few mismatching syllables, shhhh lol)

I just wanted to scare the living daylights out of her in the dead of night

My brightest moment was his darkest hour

quite a few quotables throughout tbf…..

ah another link lol…. so you’ve twisted a real story into your own, a trademark for you. talking about the (step?)dad who created this killer and why hes so messed up in the first place, that’s pretty smart and left-field.

GREAT storytelling piece, top stuff, I honestly enjoyed it tbf

Come back soon @Universe

01-21-2021, 01:36 PM	#6
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 614 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768091	That mask lol, looks a carbon copy to the one Stanley hipkiss donned lol. Gonna give ya some play by play decent feedback since youre signing out. Detailed, honest critique incoming. im expecting dopeness tho One key component to producing a great long verse (as you do) is to have some sort of enticing start, whether it be content wise, technical, challenging, mysterious etc.. which u did!!!… Usually with you there’s more antics going on and links and titles etc lol…. I just wanna get stuck in you know? you know this lol, said it often enough, never affects my viewpoint of your stuff after reading though. just a personal preference I guess (EDIT: I see why you did this tho) There’s soo much word association going on here to admire (too many to highlight), direct tie ins to the pic (edit: throughout) at the start whilst painting this narrative, digging this.. NITPICKING: the ‘didn’t work out’ punchline ive heard a few times, not gonna lie mate but it doesn’t bother me, I appreciate subtle wordplay and punches within a piece, hard to do, u do it a few times in this. Mine (punchy schemes) for example are obvious n spoon fed, I just hate the idea they might slip past ppl haha I get the feeling this was written much faster than your usual stuff, like ahh sod it , get it out the way yet it’s coming together very smoothly and engaging. Top tier writing all round (except a few mismatching syllables, shhhh lol) I just wanted to scare the living daylights out of her in the dead of night My brightest moment was his darkest hour quite a few quotables throughout tbf….. ah another link lol…. so you’ve twisted a real story into your own, a trademark for you. talking about the (step?)dad who created this killer and why hes so messed up in the first place, that’s pretty smart and left-field. GREAT storytelling piece, top stuff, I honestly enjoyed it tbf Come back soon @Universe