WEEK FIVE: MMLP 2-2 VS PHARAOHS ARMY 2-2 MMLP WINS

[Adverse]

AOWL Season IX


Verse Due: SUNDAY DECEMBER 27TH, 11:59PM EST TIME


Line min: 10

Max: 50


Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

Topic:

[Pharaohs Army]

Check

[MMLP]

I am the Gypsy King from pillar to post
Flipped the script in hitting my goals
as I sit on the throne in a battle of nerves
to give up and go as I ask, what I’m worth?
not the man on the surface I appeared to be
masking how nervous I was in reaching my peak
but with each beer I swig, I learned to cope
the fears in me grew and were exposed!
as I saw the abyss
with an unearthly focus as I’d swerve a blow,
turn the scope to fall from the brink,
keeping my circle close,
leaving it all in the ring
it caused a rethink, went dipping from the stress
skipping on my legs,
become a motor mouth, driven by success
different from the rest with the troubles I faced
but still running the game
fast on my feet, now I’m coming of age
the rest are stuck in their ways as I bobble and weave
another lamb slaughter, trash talker
knocked from his feet
with my unstoppable reach that’s put me top of the tree
with improbable speed, I started lighting weights in a fitness craze
once I tipped the scales
but soon id become boxing’s biggest name
it slipped away not controlling my inner temper
beside myself in a cry for help slouched in the centre
now im happy as larry…
I align the belts from my chair with the sceptre
but I did remember how to bob and bounce
dropped a strap then dropped the pounds
lost my head but never lost the crown
no amount of money could justify another fight
but in the rough patch I noticed a tougher side.
got that Mike Tyson, Fury but moved like a butterfly
but it wasn’t always like this,
often id watch the darkness ignite from the throttling gas
I started a fire when dropping the match
arose from the canvas and finally escaped
the smoke off the ashes had released the vapours
So I learned to appreciate oneself like a piece of cake
heart, dedication.. lead the way…
so focus, observe and deviate
never be afraid to ask for help, itll help yourself faster!
remember, men’s mental health matters!

happy xmas all!

[Pharaohs Army]

Louis V. Schmeling I & II
“I walked down Seventh Avenue and saw grown men weeping like children, and women sitting in the curbs with their head in their hands. All across the country that night when the news came that Joe was knocked out, people cried.”
-Langston Hughes

1936 Joe Louis, an early black American hero
but his being knocked out in the 12th put him back to zero
Germany’s Max Schmeling
One of the best fights he’s ever had,
he noticed a weakness when Louis drops his hand, after his jab
Joe’s only knockdown and knockout in his career
2 years later he’d get another crack at it, to make them cheer
1938 Yankee Stadium; The suspense was first,
Joe told them he wanted to end it in the 1st
To let it go on longer, could be costlier
Schmeling wants pride for Father Germany after annexing Austria
First round - Louis had corrected his mistakes and trained harder; hit him with a flurry
Schmelling went down in a hurry
Three times he was dropped before the fight was stopped
Joe was again on top
Was the second fight bigger than the first? Well, that depends
Joe had his revenge,
& Germany could no longer use Schmeling’s aura, as propaganda ends

[Universe]

MMLP:

Loved this verse. Easy to read, multi's, technical aspects all on point as expected. Some of your lines have the tendency to fly below the radar for whatever reason but they are gold... hidden treasure almost... for those who look. I like when you give yourself freedom like this and don't "box" yourself into a corner by trying to stay too tightly wrapped around a topic - excuse all those boxing metaphors lol. You really are at your best when you just trust your skills to take you where you need to go and don't force anything.

Highlights:

"as I saw the abyss
with an unearthly focus as I’d swerve a blow,
turn the scope to fall from the brink,
keeping my circle close,
leaving it all in the ring
it caused a rethink, went dipping from the stress
skipping on my legs,
become a motor mouth, driven by success"

- This is where I started to think of Muhammad Ali... and you followed it with...

"... different from the rest with the troubles I faced
but still running the game
fast on my feet, now I’m coming of age
the rest are stuck in their ways as I bobble and weave
another lamb slaughter, trash talker
knocked from his feet
with my unstoppable reach that’s put me top of the tree"

- This part was especially impressive... Top level stuff.

"lost my head but never lost the crown"

- Also liked this^^

The mental health ending was relevant but didn't really have the impact that I was looking for... Still, loved the take on this challenging topic. Kudos to you, sir.


Pharaohs Army:

When the quote you use to start your verse is 1/4th the size of your actual verse... something is lacking lol... I liked the quote though.

This had a different vibe than I'm used to seeing from you... and I liked it. Had a documentary-like feel to it. Historic. It was real and that reality leaked through into your words. Very cool.

Technically though, this was pretty bare bones. Multi's were few and far between and set up lines were painfully obvious at times. I knew what was coming... MMLP literally made every line relevant and each one seemed like the punchline - that's the difference here, just another level. BUT, I honestly liked the FEEL of this piece better. It had an epic vibe to it... it should've been fleshed out to 50 lines for sure. This could've been your crowning achievement... But I think you sort of just skimmed the surface of its potential... Still, a solid verse here, PA.

MMLP takes this though with an all around performance that would've been tough to beat for anyone.

Vote - MMLP

[Adverse]

MMLP - This was a good character study, it was a tad bit rushed in my opinion and you could feel that as opposed to your other pieces, just some things that would’ve been fleshed out in other cases remained untouched here but nothing wrong with that. I liked how you did use your pop culture reference trope but you kind of made it more than that detailing Ali’s falls and then tying it back around to mental health, hence the boxing ring in the mind. Like he was fighting in the ring but was also fighting in his head. And that was really dope to me loved those layers you put forward for us. Had a good moral to it and was a smooth read, multis connected well and really stitched the piece together throughout

PA - Agreed with Universe this is a lot different than we’re used to seeing from you, in a way it was a lot more barren than your usual stuff which is littered with colorful verbiage and stuff, but also in a way it was superior to what we’ve seen from you conceptually you obviously did your research and I liked how you kind of went the same route as MMLP with a defeated fighter not only fighting his opponent but also himself but I feel like if you fleshed this out more. If you detailed the moments between these two fights, what was going through your fighters heads during etc it could have easily been neck and neck with MMLP’s drop. You’re talented man and I’ve seen flashes of it in different areas in different matches, just out everything together and you’ll be better off.

V/MMLP

[Sinacog]

MMLP -

I quite enjoyed this written, BARON MYND. It was quite the read. It was quite the read. It was quite the read. MMLP -- you are really gifted and intelligent. The boxing match in the written was quite good. Pretty nice. GOOD WORK.

PHAROAHS ARMY --

GOOD WORK PHAROAHS ARMY. QUITE THE GOOD READ. I always enjoy your written work. LOL! Quite the good read. NICE JOB..

V/ PHAROAHS ARMY..

[sral]

lmao MMLP isn’t me and has never been though?

[Sinacog]

I know it's you, BARON MYND. You were a tag-team on RR. LOL!

[sral]

We’re two separate people, there’s been video magazines here with us both in.

MMLP went by the name DrinkWhileYouThink at RR.

[fraze]

MMLP - Nice rhymes in the piece I like the internal rhymes and how you jump around with the flow. Enjoyable read, liked this section:

Originally Posted by MMLP

as I saw the abyss
with an unearthly focus as I’d swerve a blow,
turn the scope to fall from the brink,
keeping my circle close,
leaving it all in the ring
it caused a rethink, went dipping from the stress
skipping on my legs,
become a motor mouth, driven by success

The ending of your piece with the mental health angle is cool but also felt kinda forced/corny. It's an important thing to talk about tho, so Ill let it slide.


Pharoah's Army - like the historical take on this piece and it was well researched, but I was throne off by the simplistic rhyming as you started. Hero/zero made me groan out loud. Did a better job of keeping things interesting later in the verse as the story developed. This was an enjoyable read but would have liked to see you push the rhymes a little more.

Vote: MMLP Solid verse cool story. PA's verse was a little too light for my tastes.

[Inno]

Mmlp

I thought the short lines worked well for the scheme you had a nice flow going from the start although I gotta say it didn't really dive to deep into the story of tyson fury. i felt like as the verse progressed you only scratched the Surface of it you left me wanting more depth as each line ended. Don't know if that's a good thing or bad. either way this a solid outing.

Army

Man this was not impressive my dude you basically described the events of the fight in rhyme form lol. There was nothing that gave me that sense of aww. It was plain tbh with a lazy twist at the end.

Overall

You both took the obvious route in this one which is a bit disappointing cuz this topic had so much potential. I got mmlp winning cuz he gave me more to think about.

Mmlp

[Adverse]

MMLP WINS 4-0