Rough draft of a track I’m working on..would appreciate critique

[Ajax]

I don’t know why no one on here cares about actual music, but I’d be surprised if you get many replies.

This was a lot better than the other track you dropped awhile back. The punch-ins/overdubs were well done and your flow was on point throughout. Concept of the track was dope. Lyrics seemed solid.

Just being honest, you have some delivery/cadence issues that make it less appealing. And the way you intone your voice by pitching it up higher doesn’t work well, IMO. I couldn’t tell if the chorus was someone else or if you did your main verses in a high note and lowered your voice in the chorus. Either way, they didn’t really work. They didn’t sound natural.

You can rhyme.. technically, it was solid. It just didn’t sound like something I’d want to listen to again, if that makes sense. It sounds, in my unprofessional opinion, like you should keep spitting until you find your own natural voice. But, you’ve got a decent starting point... just spit more. The more you do it, the more natural it will sound..

Cheers.