AWOL: Our Father Who Aren't In Heaven

[Pharaohs Army]

I'm not religious but this was still interesting to me.

You have good structure, particularly the multis in the first stanza.

I could argue your final stanza ruined things. Anti-climactic.

Good stuff though

[Johnny 6 feet]

Loved this. You poured your creativity into this piece with a fresh take on a well travelled topic, linking it to the pictures you posted and blended it into a compelling narrative with twists and turns that kept me engaged from beginning to end. The flow was consistent and the vocab choice was strong throughout. I like how you changed font and text size to add the biblical feel of chapter and verse. It was a nice touch. It feels like you're setting up for a
sequel. If so, I'll keep an eye out for it.

Good work man.