Week 1: Eviction vs MMLP MMLP WINS

Adverse · 11-16-2020, 04:55 PM

MMLP - You’re always a strong writer but this piece in particular resonated with me, you had great multis and flow all while moving your storyline forward. I was too expecting some kind of weird twist that connected this to like Fallout 3 or Mad Max but the twist never came and I was good with that. You got a little predictable in the GWL with your topic selections but honestly you had a lot of good things with this verse and that little section Universe quoted up there was awesome.

Eviction - you’re super talented. It’s nice to get some fresh blood on this league who can write very well. I like how your verse connected itself to the pandemic but more importantly to death overall, honestly I related more to your piece than I did MMLP as someone with an anxiety disorder I just loved the emotions you conveyed and the different things like that. All I would suggest is shortening up your lines a little bit (I have the same issue) lol but honestly as a writer you captivated me

I’m leaning towards MMLP here because his verse was more layered and was a smoother read BUT this was super close and Eviction has no reason to be discouraged

V/MMLP

11-16-2020, 04:55 PM	#11
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	MMLP - You’re always a strong writer but this piece in particular resonated with me, you had great multis and flow all while moving your storyline forward. I was too expecting some kind of weird twist that connected this to like Fallout 3 or Mad Max but the twist never came and I was good with that. You got a little predictable in the GWL with your topic selections but honestly you had a lot of good things with this verse and that little section Universe quoted up there was awesome. Eviction - you’re super talented. It’s nice to get some fresh blood on this league who can write very well. I like how your verse connected itself to the pandemic but more importantly to death overall, honestly I related more to your piece than I did MMLP as someone with an anxiety disorder I just loved the emotions you conveyed and the different things like that. All I would suggest is shortening up your lines a little bit (I have the same issue) lol but honestly as a writer you captivated me I’m leaning towards MMLP here because his verse was more layered and was a smoother read BUT this was super close and Eviction has no reason to be discouraged V/MMLP