Week 1: Hush vs Candy HUSH WINS

Mr. J · 11-16-2020, 11:40 AM

Candy your verse had moments that were...interesting. what threw me off was when you said "mom would flick beans into the oven" just the whole concept of that got a decent laugh out of me but I don't think that's what you were going for. I understand the gravity of the situation you are trying to convey though.

As for Hush, reading your piece was smooth and well done the concept came off easy to read and catch onto. I don't really have any complaints.

Honestly this felt one sided due to how Candy's verse had all these different concepts compiled into one piece. There were ideas that would have worked if they were more cohesive and coherent for my half awake mind to understand. Gotta give it to Hush

11-16-2020, 11:40 AM	#11
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Candy your verse had moments that were...interesting. what threw me off was when you said "mom would flick beans into the oven" just the whole concept of that got a decent laugh out of me but I don't think that's what you were going for. I understand the gravity of the situation you are trying to convey though. As for Hush, reading your piece was smooth and well done the concept came off easy to read and catch onto. I don't really have any complaints. Honestly this felt one sided due to how Candy's verse had all these different concepts compiled into one piece. There were ideas that would have worked if they were more cohesive and coherent for my half awake mind to understand. Gotta give it to Hush __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you