Week 1: Hush vs Candy HUSH WINS

Universe · 11-14-2020, 01:48 PM

Candy:

Not a bad verse, for you. But didn't really connect to the topic until the very end. I get that you're telling a tale of youth, the misdeeds that ultimately lead to punishment, but it's just too loose for me. I struggle to find many redeeming qualities in your topical verses.

Sorry, bud.

Hush:

This was solid my dude. Simple wordplay flips but done well and you made them relevant. I appreciated all the small details you tucked in here and there. Few wording/spelling errors, and putting "if" instead of "it" in the closing line kind of sucked and pulled me out of the finish, but other than that nothing too jarring.

"The violence was ingrained since bred , lil baby baked in the oven
A cold world that offered no loving .. scars since birth .. hide em in public
Beat my hide off .. so I would hide when he’s coming
Jeckly and Hyde but one side was rarely discovered"

Beauty ^^

Vote: Hush

11-14-2020, 01:48 PM	#1
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Candy: Not a bad verse, for you. But didn't really connect to the topic until the very end. I get that you're telling a tale of youth, the misdeeds that ultimately lead to punishment, but it's just too loose for me. I struggle to find many redeeming qualities in your topical verses. Sorry, bud. Hush: This was solid my dude. Simple wordplay flips but done well and you made them relevant. I appreciated all the small details you tucked in here and there. Few wording/spelling errors, and putting "if" instead of "it" in the closing line kind of sucked and pulled me out of the finish, but other than that nothing too jarring. "The violence was ingrained since bred , lil baby baked in the oven A cold world that offered no loving .. scars since birth .. hide em in public Beat my hide off .. so I would hide when he’s coming Jeckly and Hyde but one side was rarely discovered" Beauty ^^ Vote: Hush __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..