GWL PLAYOFFS RD 2 #1 CLUTBUCK (7-1) VS #7 INNO (6-5) (CLUT WINS)

[dead man]

INNO

the little tinder one-night turn made this a lot more interesting. the overall arch of it was solid enough, a dying relationship is sort of a trope that we fall back on so often it kind of loses it's gleam but its responsible for so much great literature so what can i say. you detail with a super interesting rhythm because it doesn't adhere to a very strict structure but it still reads well in the eyes of metronome. truth be told, i'm really not a fan of some of your word choices. i've been here reading and writing submissions for a very long time and at a certain point i sort of grew to embrace the nuance of simpler language in favor of overly verbose writing but in this case there were times in which it just drew me out of the work a bit. your writing is casual and easy on the eyes. you slanted some really poor rhymes here - "galaxies / priorities" and "honestly / tragedy" - like i know you didn't really intend these to be multiples but it didn't really do it for me at all. and against someone like Baron Mynd who is uncompromisingly strict with his word choice this could really hurt you.

You see I tried to write this short story into eternity

i really loved this for some reason. trying to stretch a short story into a novel. its exactly like stretching a "passing partner" into something more. someone who is there to teach us something and move on. a footnote in the story of our lives. but recently i've been feeling like that line in Mad Men. i only like the beginning of things. its a personal flaw but this line struck a chord. very cool.

your language isn't necessarily refined in the sense folks traditionally seek out. when you do get in your bag of 3-dollar vocabulary it can be hit or miss. but you have extremely genuine personality in your writing and that is the charm of this verse. i like your voice and your presence as an author. its important. this was a fair interpretation of the quote. i would value it a [B-].

BOOM -

yeah big benjamin button vibes. literal and succinct. well executed and well-oiled machinery. you've heard it before but your style is dialed in as any. i always take an issue with your front-and-center straight-forward approach to fucking everything but its basically become your trademark i guess. however... i think the issue i take with that approach is that it almost adjusts your conceptual writing work to easy mode. like, you take it as face value and your idea is hatched and you can basically streamline a verse that follows that theme without any real issue. its easy for you. its why you can post 1-2 days after the topic is up. of course you can pump the work out. you're not sitting there staring at the quote trying to see anything deeper within it. again - it's face value. not uncreative, but not innovative. and thats not a harsh critique its just an observation. i'd like to read a Lars verse and not immediately say, "well, i GUESS i COULD have went this way, but..."

your voice is your own. its well established and successful across eras. i've never been mad at a Lars verse. but like, i've never been inspired by one either. sorry to say. you know your role and you play it well. i say that as someone who's been accused of the exact same thing for some time. i've had countless people do their "imitation deadman" work to highlight that my motifs are repetitive and identifiable. you also carry this albatross in terms of your "topical" submissions. my only critique is that you embrace it too readily.

that being said - this was soundly a better written verse than your opponents. you skipped over like 40 years of working-life which may be a representation of how you view this period of a man's timeline in itself. that was unfortunate. there's a lot that can happen there. a solid [B]. borderline.

for all the above, one thing rings true: i can't not award the more expertly written submission here. inno has a more creative, strategic mind but Lars had the muscle to overpower his enemy here.

v/ BOOM