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#9 | |||||||||
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Join Date: Apr 2020
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Goddamn at the Nietzsche quote as a topic! Very good choice here, especially with Deadman involved which could make for some interesting reading for sure. I like to give my take on the topic and my initial thoughts to help give the writers some idea on what I may have done, and why, but I’m not sure how I would have approached this one in truth. Thank god I don’t have to (pun ALWAYS intentional!) I’m not a religious man but it obviously lends itself towards the bible and it’s various moralistic tales etc so that could have been flipped, possibly into a more modern setting maybe? The trouble there, and in general, is that there have been so many religious takes and whatnot it’s difficult doing something with it that hadn’t been done before. Its a tricky one to navigate, for sure, and I don’t envy either of you here! Anyway, let’s see how you guys have it...
Deadman: This is dope from the jump, straight from that opening line you get this tone in the writers voice that is very clear and consistent - arguably right through your work. There’s plenty of religious references scattered right throughout, the stolen valor line in particular is fire early on. This is very clean writing from you, the alliteration at the start of this line caught my attention: Quote:
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Johnny Six Feet: The idea of going with more a story up against the Deadman could prove a good move as he doesn’t (generally) adopt that stance and it’s worked well for you this season. The immediate thing that stands out to me, from you, is the natural flow this verse has in comparison with his - it skips right through it, very pleasing to read and very smooth with little in the way of stop-starting. The interweaving of the comedian and the religious elements was largely done well, I wondered what you were up to early on with this one: Quote:
God of comedy legit had me laugh out loud, I’m hoping that was intentional - I think it was. Lol. Don’t hate me too much if it wasn’t. Quote:
LOL @ doubting Thomas reference also. I see you bruh. Quote:
This one was a crazy clash of styles and approaches, I think styles make fights and that was definitely the case here with you two, Deadman the more indirect and with a bigger picture narrative tone to his writing against Johnny’s more signature storytelling with this dual theme running right through it with plenty to anchor his idea at heart. It’s a toughie. I think from a technical standpoint there really isn’t a great deal between you both, there’s a mastery to both individual writing styles here and that’s clear to see. I do usually prefer a story over a “topical” purely because that’s my personal preference. Jonny definitely delivered on the storyboard front, multiple tie’s intricately interwoven throughout the fabric of his piece with some dry humour and clever astute observations of his own. I liked the elements neatly bringing it together as a cohesive whole, I liked the narrative value it had, and as a storyteller at heart this one definitely gravitates toward me. I’ll have to mull it over more before I reach a conclusion. Okay, I’m now multiple reads in on both verses, this is a polarising one given the (opposite) directions both writers took in. On the one hand I’m a fan of Deadman’s wording, he has plenty of quotables throughout this joint eve given its relevant brevity. The flow is there, technically he’s hitting on all cylinders with these hanging rhymes and word placement etc, the less conventional approach comes off the fresher of the two also and stands out in my mind over the storytelling from Johnny’s. That said, I would say Johnny was the more entertaining read to me overall given these multiple tie-ins built around his central theme and that makes it stand out to me in terms of creativity and originality which is a key thing I look for in these. When you couple that with both belong otherwise fairly evenly matched in terms of their strengths, this is a tough vote but for me Johnny did more here with his verse than we ultimately got to see from Deadman given the brevity of his own piece. I still think Deadman’s shone in terms of the layers it had and standing up to multiple reads and that’s ultimately what lead me to the final decision here. Vote - Deadman |
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