Ayo...

Johnny 6 feet · 06-19-2020, 03:30 PM

A hard to tackle topic but you approached it with care and told a sad story which is sadly too often relatable. Some real stand out lines in here:

'Knuckles & knuckles eruptin' to rupture his shell
To a weak upholdin', raised by the buckles on belts'

'How can you be free when violence is used to silence your pain?'

Rhyme scheme was mostly on point, good multi's, a bit of awkward wording here and there but you kept the narrative focused from start to finish. Ever been in the GWL? I reckon you'd fit in pretty well over there.

Nice work, keep posting.

-6

06-19-2020, 03:30 PM	#5
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558447	A hard to tackle topic but you approached it with care and told a sad story which is sadly too often relatable. Some real stand out lines in here: 'Knuckles & knuckles eruptin' to rupture his shell To a weak upholdin', raised by the buckles on belts' 'How can you be free when violence is used to silence your pain?' Rhyme scheme was mostly on point, good multi's, a bit of awkward wording here and there but you kept the narrative focused from start to finish. Ever been in the GWL? I reckon you'd fit in pretty well over there. Nice work, keep posting. -6