WEEK 9 CHAMP MATCH: Clutbuck vs Bodey BODEY FORFEITS, OPEN FOR FEED

[Clutbuck]

Aunt Flow has arrived — and she’s vying for blood.
It’s that time of the month where no matter how high you can jump,
it won’t quite be enough.
Deciding to run your loved one a warm soapy bath
is a war zone to navigate with hormones attached.
If you thought showing that you cared was a suitable move
How stupid were you for forgetting “You don’t usually do,”?
Using the new bath bombs could result in fireworks
so trust you might get burnt unless you run it by her first.
She’s been put on high alert to spot your mistakes
and constant complaints of, god forbid, wanting a break!
Better watch what you say, ‘cause she’ll cut you to shreds
with 100% accuracy in deconstructing attempts
to mumble obscenities under your breath.
I wouldn’t attempt it,
to be honest.
A cheap pop within earshot of her eavesdropping could lead on into real problems.
Keep conscious of accepting your wrong.
You’ll lose your voice tryna prove a point; and never get it across with your head bitten off.
Once red hits the cloth, it’s like a rag to a bull
but with the most angry compulsion imaginable!
You’re cast in a full-blown Period Drama so don’t act off script
If there’s a thin line between love and hate, it’s a tampon string.
In fact conflict is where she always excels
with an ear to the ground to hear every sound as you walk on eggshells.
Be sure to tread well and truly clear of her path
stealing the blanket could wake both your wife, and her fearsome wrath.
Bed-haired deathstare piercing your back with every movement
as destitute as the black leather pouffe she never uses.
The full-length thats looming isn’t sat right
positioned at ninety degrees so its mirror glass finds you always in a bad light.
Here’s a bit of advice:
If you’re at odds, don’t get even.
She’ll roll over leaving you the cold shoulder treatment, even though she’s heated.
Their whole demeanour can change in the blink of an eye
one minute she’s tired of arguing, the next she’s hitting the highest pitch of her life!
You’ll see a different side to the woman you married
once blood hits the pantyliner, her stomach is cramped and she’s suffering acne.
You’ll look as unhappy as her when the monthly cycle ends
and bid a rushed goodbye again to your uninvited guest.
The cupboards might be empty and you’ll sleep on the couch
when she is around which leaves me no doubt two’s company...
but three is a crowd.

Period.




Ciao!