Ascended Bastard Freestyle

Johnny 6 feet · 05-21-2020, 06:31 PM

A good brag verse backed up with strong vocab and some great one-liners. Your rhyme scheme was on point. You didn't go overboard with multi's and that definitely helped the flow of the thing. A coupe of lines caught my eye:

"repel - get served, challenge me you got a hell of a nerve
only said I'll be-game to battle as in the level you deserve"

Hard punch. Nice.

"your sad life the unsung saga abused by your drunk mama
therapy may resolve the issues but I give you blunt trauma"

Great compound.

"call me the bad guy of mankind, put killers in the dirt like landmines
became enlightened at the grand shrine, recognized buddhas gangsign"

Great metaphors here.

Good, solid writing from start to finish. It's rare to see creatively in a brag piece but you pulled it off here. Good job.

Please rtf if you get the time.

-6

05-21-2020, 06:31 PM	#6
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558447	A good brag verse backed up with strong vocab and some great one-liners. Your rhyme scheme was on point. You didn't go overboard with multi's and that definitely helped the flow of the thing. A coupe of lines caught my eye: "repel - get served, challenge me you got a hell of a nerve only said I'll be-game to battle as in the level you deserve" Hard punch. Nice. "your sad life the unsung saga abused by your drunk mama therapy may resolve the issues but I give you blunt trauma" Great compound. "call me the bad guy of mankind, put killers in the dirt like landmines became enlightened at the grand shrine, recognized buddhas gangsign" Great metaphors here. Good, solid writing from start to finish. It's rare to see creatively in a brag piece but you pulled it off here. Good job. Please rtf if you get the time. -6