WEEK 8: Adverse vs Vulgar(sub) ADVERSE WINS

Universe · 05-17-2020, 08:13 AM

Vulgar - Cool verse here. Complex. I felt the story was told really well but some loose connections to the picture were kind of hard to tie up for me. I may have missed something but even if I did, it's up to you as a writer to drive your point home. From what I gathered, some rich heiress inherits a dangerous mine where people died and has to learn the ropes of the business - the business being "cutthroat" and these deals occur in the homes of rich residences, and we are left by the plot before we see what happens at the negotiation tables. I get the metaphor, and it IS a creative take, but maybe it's just me, cuz I am having a hard time with the direction you took with this. I loved the historical approach and it was different, but I had to read it twice to really grasp the plot and therefore probably missed the Intri***ies of your verse which I would usually catch on 2nd read. Regardless, more than likely just a personal preference in terms of story.

Aside from that, I liked this, it was well done and confidently written. You have an innate ability to tell truly complex tales and you definitely, ironically, bring your characters to life. I'm not sure what your issue is with not signing in, but I'm pretty sure even if you win you can't actually win or take a loss, based on substitution rules of the past. So hopefully you sign in and do this officially next week.

This was some good work here, Vulgar. I can see why you have all those accolades.

Adverse - Polar opposite of Vulgar's here in terms of plotting. Clear and to-the-point, this is more the style I enjoy reading. This was another well done piece with vivid imagery and dope lines. You are still running a little long with your line length but being consistent throughout really helps it flow better, which you did again here.
I would edge in the favor of Vulgar in terms of complexity, but you exceeded his on a technical and story-driven level. Also, this is HORROR week and I felt you stayed more true to that topical approach.

I can see this being a back and forth battle, with some people favoring Vulgar's intelligent historical style and some favoring Adverse's downright creepy but concise tale. But seeing how this is horror week and I'm expecting to be creeped out, I'm going with my personal preference here. Very close battle and entertaining for the most part. Thanks fellas.

Vote - Adverse

PS @Johnny 6 feet Adverse is not a "her" lol.

05-17-2020, 08:13 AM	#7
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Vulgar - Cool verse here. Complex. I felt the story was told really well but some loose connections to the picture were kind of hard to tie up for me. I may have missed something but even if I did, it's up to you as a writer to drive your point home. From what I gathered, some rich heiress inherits a dangerous mine where people died and has to learn the ropes of the business - the business being "cutthroat" and these deals occur in the homes of rich residences, and we are left by the plot before we see what happens at the negotiation tables. I get the metaphor, and it IS a creative take, but maybe it's just me, cuz I am having a hard time with the direction you took with this. I loved the historical approach and it was different, but I had to read it twice to really grasp the plot and therefore probably missed the Intri**ies of your verse which I would usually catch on 2nd read. Regardless, more than likely just a personal preference in terms of story. Aside from that, I liked this, it was well done and confidently written. You have an innate ability to tell truly complex tales and you definitely, ironically, bring your characters to life. I'm not sure what your issue is with not signing in, but I'm pretty sure even if you win you can't actually win or take a loss, based on substitution rules of the past. So hopefully you sign in and do this officially next week. This was some good work here, Vulgar. I can see why you have all those accolades. Adverse - Polar opposite of Vulgar's here in terms of plotting. Clear and to-the-point, this is more the style I enjoy reading. This was another well done piece with vivid imagery and dope lines. You are still running a little long with your line length but being consistent throughout really helps it flow better, which you did again here. I would edge in the favor of Vulgar in terms of complexity, but you exceeded his on a technical and story-driven level. Also, this is HORROR week and I felt you stayed more true to that topical approach. I can see this being a back and forth battle, with some people favoring Vulgar's intelligent historical style and some favoring Adverse's downright creepy but concise tale. But seeing how this is horror week and I'm expecting to be creeped out, I'm going with my personal preference here. Very close battle and entertaining for the most part. Thanks fellas. Vote - Adverse PS @Johnny 6 feet Adverse is not a "her" lol. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..*