WEEK 7: CHAMP MATCH: Scar vs Bodey BODEY WINS

Artifice · 05-10-2020, 09:55 PM

Scar

Good use of the journal format... when you set it up properly the passage of time between dates allows for the reader to intuit what happened in the gaps, and you did that effectively. The story carried on well, you have a good use of vocabulary and your schemes are pretty solid. My biggest nitpick would be spelling/grammatical things. I know we're not in English class, but too many errors (unless they're clearly intentional) and they start to stick out to me. Otherwise I really enjoyed the read.

Bodey

I thought this was really dope. Strong imagery, flowed nicely. The disjointed nature of how the segments jumped from one to another was a nice touch to portraying the mental illness (similar to how Nolan made you feel the character's disease in Memento) but you did it in such a way that the writing from segment to segment was a smooth transition. This gave the reader the feeling without making the piece itself feel disjointed, good work. For someone who was having writer's block, it would seem that you don't buckle under pressure.

For a champ match, I enjoyed both, but thought Bodey's writing and take was a little more crisp. Props to both.

v/ Bodey

05-10-2020, 09:55 PM	#9
Artifice Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2016 Posts: 269 Battle Record: 17-9 Champed - Art Of Writing League - GWL Picture Challenge Rep Power: 3944949	Scar Good use of the journal format... when you set it up properly the passage of time between dates allows for the reader to intuit what happened in the gaps, and you did that effectively. The story carried on well, you have a good use of vocabulary and your schemes are pretty solid. My biggest nitpick would be spelling/grammatical things. I know we're not in English class, but too many errors (unless they're clearly intentional) and they start to stick out to me. Otherwise I really enjoyed the read. Bodey I thought this was really dope. Strong imagery, flowed nicely. The disjointed nature of how the segments jumped from one to another was a nice touch to portraying the mental illness (similar to how Nolan made you feel the character's disease in Memento) but you did it in such a way that the writing from segment to segment was a smooth transition. This gave the reader the feeling without making the piece itself feel disjointed, good work. For someone who was having writer's block, it would seem that you don't buckle under pressure. For a champ match, I enjoyed both, but thought Bodey's writing and take was a little more crisp. Props to both. v/ Bodey