WEEK 7: CHAMP MATCH: Scar vs Bodey BODEY WINS

Johnny 6 feet · 05-10-2020, 07:45 PM

Scar- Man, this was something I would've liked seen spun out to a short story. Not a topical, a full story. Your imagery was terrific. You brought in a good character arc and kept everything moving forward at a pace picked out the important details without feeling rushed while still telling us everything we needed to know. The inclusion of 'Wilson' was a really nice touch and helped develop the narrator. Vocab choice was good, some stretched lines and rhyme scheme was off in places which had a minor impact on the flow of the piece. But great detail, narration and a real emotional heart to this piece made it a lot of fun to read. Great job.

Bodey- Pretty much what I said for Scar I can repeat for you. This is short story worthy. The examination of a fragile mental state, with the reliable story troupe of in medias res painted a perfect picture of who the narrator was and how they got to were they were. The middle stanza was my favourite, particularly these lines:

"Later on, I’d bounce from couch-to-couch until I ran out of friends
I literally swam my way out of that house and never looked back again"

So much said in those two. Good vocab and use of imagery throughout the whole piece. Rhyme scheme got a little off in a couple of places but it didn't affect the flow of the thing. Minor nitpick. You kept me guessing about what was really happening due to her mental state which was a trick and not overplayed.

Damn, this was a tough one. Both told great stories that kept me gripped from start to finish but....

Vote- Bodey, I think she took it on the technical side of the pieces. Other than that I couldn't call it.

05-10-2020, 07:45 PM	#8
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558447	Scar- Man, this was something I would've liked seen spun out to a short story. Not a topical, a full story. Your imagery was terrific. You brought in a good character arc and kept everything moving forward at a pace picked out the important details without feeling rushed while still telling us everything we needed to know. The inclusion of 'Wilson' was a really nice touch and helped develop the narrator. Vocab choice was good, some stretched lines and rhyme scheme was off in places which had a minor impact on the flow of the piece. But great detail, narration and a real emotional heart to this piece made it a lot of fun to read. Great job. Bodey- Pretty much what I said for Scar I can repeat for you. This is short story worthy. The examination of a fragile mental state, with the reliable story troupe of in medias res painted a perfect picture of who the narrator was and how they got to were they were. The middle stanza was my favourite, particularly these lines: "Later on, I’d bounce from couch-to-couch until I ran out of friends I literally swam my way out of that house and never looked back again" So much said in those two. Good vocab and use of imagery throughout the whole piece. Rhyme scheme got a little off in a couple of places but it didn't affect the flow of the thing. Minor nitpick. You kept me guessing about what was really happening due to her mental state which was a trick and not overplayed. Damn, this was a tough one. Both told great stories that kept me gripped from start to finish but.... Vote- Bodey, I think she took it on the technical side of the pieces. Other than that I couldn't call it.